Blessed
by distantmuse
Summary: Derek didn't know he had a daughter until she was 5 years old. Can Addison and Derek start over and have a life together as a family after everything they have been through when Derek is hiding a medical condition that will change all of their lives?
1. Chapter 1

Addison shuffled through the snow, holding her wool coat tightly around her. She was glad that she had traded her Prada heels for Prada boots for the winter. After 2 years in Los Angeles, Addison realized that no city could take the place of Manhattan in her heart, though sometimes when it was snowing heavily like it was that day, she wondered why. She was relieved to feel a very slight increase in temperature when she entered the skating rink where her daughter, Natalie, skated twice a week.

A smile spread across Natalie's face when she saw her mother, and she waved hard at her.

"Watch this!" Natalie called.

Addison watched as the child she was never supposed to be able to have twirled around on the ice, wearing a skating dress made of hot pink velvet with little rhinestones scattered across the bodice. Natalie had started skating when she was three, and Addison was amazed at how good she had gotten in only two years.

The little girl was nothing short of a miracle; one that she and Naomi still couldn't quite figure out, given the test results. Addison's pregnancy hadn't been an easy one, either. She'd almost lost her twice, and Natalie had still made her entrance a little early, via a C-section.

Natalie hopped off of the ice after her spin, her gait slightly wobbly as she struggled to walk on the blades toward her mother. She threw her arms around Addison's waist, and Addison squeezed her tightly.

"You were so wonderful, baby!"

Natalie beamed and hopped up onto a chair. "Thanks!"

Addison crouched and unlaced the little girl's white skates, which had been scuffed with black from occasional run-ins with the wall around the rink. While she slid her feet into her regular shoes, Addison wiped the blades of the skates dry with a cloth that they kept stashed in Natalie's bag. She stuffed them into the bag and zipped it up.

"Will you take my hair down, mommy?" Natalie asked with a frown after she'd put her shoes on. "It's hurting my head. You made it really tight today."

With a quiet laugh, Addison removed the rubber band from the bottom of Natalie's French braid and ran her fingers gently through it, letting the girl's copper locks fall just past her shoulders in loose waves.

"Better?" Addison asked.

Natalie let out a dramatic sigh of relief. "Much!"

Addison held out her daughter's white faux fur coat and helped her shrug into it. "Did you thank Carissa's mom for bringing you to practice, Natalie?"

Natalie rolled her little blue eyes. "Of course, mommy."

Addison shouldered her daughter's pink skate bag. "Are you ready to go home? I ordered a pizza. We'll pick it up on the way home."

A bright grin spread across Natalie's face as her eyes lit up. "Pizza! I haven't had pizza in so long! You're the best!"

Addison laughed and tousled Natalie's hair lightly. "I think you're the best too, kiddo."

* * *

"I got 100 on my spelling test today!" Natalie announced excitedly as she chewed a bite of pizza.

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Addison admonished.

"Sorry." Natalie swallowed. "I even spelled 'chase' right! That one's hard, you know, 'cause that sound could be a 'ce' or a 'se,' but I got it right!"

Addison smiled and pulled a slice of pizza from the box. Given Natalie's genetics, it shouldn't have surprised her that the girl had already been skipped to first grade, and was doing very well, but it had; and it pleased her. "Great job! I'm so proud of you, Natalie. You're so smart."

"I'm doing really good in math too!" Natalie stated proudly. "Didn't you say that was your best subject?"

"Yes, it was."

"So I'm like you?"

Addison smiled back at the miniature version of herself. "You're like me."

They ate in silence for a few moments before Natalie's face suddenly grew serious. "Mom… Carissa asked me today why I don't have a dad."

Addison nearly choked on her Diet Coke. She'd been expecting to have that conversation someday, but she was hoping it would be when Natalie was much older; she briefly considered going to the little girl's house and smacking her. "Um, she did?"

"Yes…" Natalie looked down. "Is he dead?"

"No, honey…" Addison sighed. "He's in Seattle." _I think._

"Why isn't he here?"

"It's a long story."

"How did you meet him?" Natalie asked.

"We… We went to medical school together." Addison stated simply.

"So he's a doctor like you?" Natalie asked, leaning forward eagerly to listen as she munched on a slice of cheese pizza.

"Yes…"

"Did you love him?"

"I did…" Addison stared down at her abandoned slice of pizza. "I still do."

"Were you married? Carissa's parents are married… But Lindsay's parents live together, and they aren't married, and Hayley's parents were married, but they're not now, but she sees her dad all the time."

Addison pressed her nasal bridge with her thumb and her forefinger. "It's… Complicated, sweet pea."

"What does complicated mean?"

"It means I don't have an easy answer. I'll explain it all to you when you're older." Addison promised.

Natalie stopped the remaining pizza slice midway to her mouth and threw it back down on her plate. "I want to know now!"

She was used to getting what she wanted.

"You wouldn't understand, Nat." Addison said gently.

"I'm not stupid! You just said I'm smart!" Hot tears filled Natalie's eyes. "I would understand!"

"I don't understand it myself, baby." Addison said with a soft sigh.

"Why doesn't he come to see me?" Natalie demanded. "Why haven't I ever met him?"

_Because he doesn't know you exist. _Addison thought. "Natalie, I really can't explain…"

"No!" Natalie stood up, anger flashing in her eyes as tears poured down her cheeks. "Just leave me alone!"

Tears filled Addison's own eyes when she saw how upset her daughter was. Natalie's little feet pounded up the stairs and Addison heard her bedroom door slam. She could hear the sobs from downstairs. With a sigh, Addison wiped the tears from her eyes and laid her head on the table.

"What have I done?" Addison asked herself.

* * *

Natalie cried herself to sleep. Addison had the foresight not to put a lock on her daughter's door, so she walked into her bedroom an hour after their disagreement and found her there in a heap, still wearing her skating costume. Addison didn't see the sense in waking her to take a bath and change into pajamas when the next day was Saturday, so she covered her with a blanket and sat down on the bed next to her, staring. Her nimble surgeon's fingers grazed over the little girl's cheek and into her hair. Natalie looked so much like him, like both of them. It only made Addison miss him more. She pressed her lips gently against Natalie's cheek.

"Good night, sweet pea." Addison whispered, switching off the light and leaving her daughter's room.

Addison shut herself into her office, and locked the door. She dialed the phone slowly, her heart pounding harder with each number that she pressed. She wondered if his office number was still the same, if he even still worked at Seattle Grace. Addison felt as though the air had been sucked out of her lungs when she heard his familiar voice answer the phone. She paused, and she heard him repeat the greeting.

"Hey… It's me." Addison finally said, keeping her voice low.

"Addie?" He said with a note of surprise in his voice. "What's going on? I haven't heard from you in… It must be five years."

"Yes…" Addison said quietly. "Five years."

"Are you still in L.A.?"

"No." Addison leaned back in her desk chair and stared out the window, watching as snowflakes gently blanketed the ground. "I've been living in Manhattan for the past couple of years."

"Manhattan?" More surprise in his voice. "What are you doing back there?"

"It's a long story."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…" Addison fiddled with the curly phone cord, winding it around her finger.

"I can tell something's wrong from your voice." He chided her. "Out with it."

Addison let out a long sigh, then took a deep breath. "Derek, we need to talk."


	2. Chapter 2

_Wow, thanks for all of the reviews! They made me very happy. :)_

* * *

"Okay…" Derek said slowly. "What do you want to talk about?"

Addison picked a red pen up off of her desk and used it to doodle little swirls on a Post-It note nervously. "How are things in Seattle? Did uh… Did you and Meredith ever get back together after Cristina and Preston's wedding?"

She heard Derek sigh, and could imagine him leaning back in his chair, propping his feet up on his desk. "We tried for a while… We gave up again after a few months. I haven't been seeing anyone since. How about you?"

"No. I've, uh, actually kind of had my hands full." Addison explained.

"With what?" Derek asked curiously. "Work?"

"Not exactly…" Addison trailed off.

"Okay." Derek said slowly, slightly confused. "Well, I know you didn't call me just to chat, so tell me what's on your mind."

Addison inhaled sharply. "You remember that night we spent together after the almost-wedding?"

"How could I forget?" Derek asked wryly.

When she had walked into Joe's after the nuptials were called off, she found Derek at the bar, still wearing his tuxedo. She had started to walk to a stool a few down from him, but he'd gestured for her to sit beside him, to her surprise. They'd sat silently for a few moments before he'd struck up a conversation.

"Crazy turnout, huh?"

"I thought if anyone would have called it off, it would have been her." Addison had admitted, accepting her glass of wine from Joe.

"Me too." Derek had said, taking a drink of his beer.

The conversation had turned personal. He'd told her about Meredith. She'd told him about her fertility test results. She couldn't remember when the kissing had started, or how they'd ended up back at his trailer, throwing their clothes on the floor.

Familiar hands. Familiar lips. A familiar touch. The familiarity between them was comforting; both having lost something that they desperately wanted. When she told Savvy and Naomi about it later, she'd told them that they were driven by the alcohol; it was a lie, they'd only had one drink each. They were driven by loneliness.

The next morning when Addison woke up in his arms in the trailer, it had felt like before Mark, before the divorce. But Addison knew that it _wasn't_ like that, and she had to get out of there.

"You left the next morning." Derek said quietly. "Before I'd even woken up. I found out that afternoon from Richard that you left for L.A."

"I'm sorry." Addison said softly. "I didn't know what to do."

"What has you thinking about that night, Addison?" Derek asked slowly.

"We made a little girl that night." Addison whispered.

There was stunned silence on the other end of the line. "What?"

"We… We have a five-year-old daughter." Addison mumbled.

"You…" Derek sputtered. "You said you were barren! That was the whole reason we got together that night! You were upset about being unable to have children, and I was upset about Meredith!"

"I thought I was! All of the medical tests pointed to that, but…"

"You didn't tell me!" Derek shouted. "For five years, you didn't tell me!"

"Yes." Addison whispered.

"Addison, this is…" She imagined him rubbing his hand over his face. "This is so much worse than you sleeping with my best friend! I thought _that_ was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but _this_ is the worst thing you could _ever_ do to me. She is my _child._ _Our_ child! The only child we will ever have, and I've already missed the first five years of her life!"

"I know, Derek, but…" Addison struggled to explain.

"But_ what_? Why?" Derek interrupted. "Why would you do this to me, to her?!"

"You would have tried, Derek. You would have tried to make it work between us out of some fucked up sense of duty, and it wouldn't have worked… Just like it didn't work when it was only the two of us. I couldn't do that to Natalie."

There was a pause. "Natalie." Derek said softly. "You named her after my grandmother."

"Yeah." Addison took a deep breath. "I loved that woman almost as much as you did. You know that."

"You didn't tell me about her for five years, so what made you tell me now?" Derek asked.

Addison imagined him raking his hand anxiously through his dark locks. "One of her friends asked her why she doesn't have a dad, and she got really upset… I thought maybe you could meet her."

"Would you have_ ever_ told me? If she hadn't gotten upset, would you have ever told me?" Derek demanded.

"I don't know." Addison admitted.

"Fine. I'll come out there." Addison could hear anger hissing in his normally calm voice. "For her. Only her. Not you."

"I don't _want_ you to come for _me_!" Addison defended herself. "_I_ don't need _anything_ from you, but Natalie does need to know who her father is. That's the _only_ reason I am calling."

"Fine." Addison heard an abrupt mechanical sound, and assumed Derek was sitting upright in his desk chair. "I'll ask Mark for a leave of absence."

"Mark?" Addison repeated.

"Yeah… When you left, and I turned chief down, and Richard decided he didn't want it so he could spend more time with Adele… It went to Mark." Derek fumbled awkwardly around his desk, searching for something to write with. "Give me your cell phone number."

Addison did as she was told, and she could hear the slight scratching of Derek's pen against paper as he copied down the number.

"I'll call you when I get there." Derek said harshly, and ended the phone call with a click, without saying goodbye or giving any indication of when he would arrive.

Addison stared at the receiver in her hand, listening to the faint dial tone. With a sigh, she dropped the receiver back in place and walked out of her office. Addison opened the door to her bedroom to find Natalie curled up in her bed, awake. Natalie had changed into her favorite Cinderella pajamas.

"What's wrong, baby?" Addison sat down on her bed beside Natalie and fingered a stray lock of her red hair.

"I'm sorry I got mad at you." Natalie whispered, staring down at her hands. "I just want to know who my daddy is."

Addison's face softened. "I know you do, sweet pea." She drew Natalie into her arms and held her into a tight embrace. "You'll meet him soon. I promise."

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Natalie asked hopefully.

Addison traced her fingers over her daughter's back. "Of course, sweetie."

Natalie beamed in a way that reminded Addison so much of Derek that her heart ached. Addison held Natalie tightly, wondering how she was going to be able to face her ex-husband when he arrived.


	3. Chapter 3

When Derek appeared in baggage claim at La Guardia two days later, Addison found herself annoyed by the fact that men only got more attractive as they aged while women spent a fortune on various potions that promised to smooth wrinkles and crow's feet. His dark hair had taken on a slight salt-and-pepper appearance, which only made him look more distinguished and attractive.

"Where is she?" Derek asked gruffly, when he noticed that Addison was alone.

"She's at Savvy's, playing with Mei." Addison informed him, extending her hand to take Derek's carry-on bag from him. "I thought we should talk alone first. We need to come up with a game plan for how to talk to her."

"Who's Mei?" Derek looked confused as he grabbed his suitcase off of the baggage claim carousel.

"Oh, Savvy and Weiss adopted a few years ago… Mei's from China." Addison explained. "Natalie and Mei are best friends."

"Tell me about Natalie." Derek said, his voice softening as they walked through the terminal.

Addison's eyes lit up when she began talking about their daughter. "She's… Beautiful. She's highly intelligent. She already skipped a grade. She loves ice skating. She's just… Amazing."

"I can't wait to meet her." Derek admitted.

"How long did Mark give you off?" Addison asked. "Did you tell him why?"

"Yeah. As long as I need, he said." Derek shrugged. "We're actually friends again… Not like before, but we'll drink beer and watch Yankees games sometimes. He's with Callie now, believe it or not."

"Callie!" Addison exclaimed. "Well, yeah, that's surprising… What's he like as chief?"

"Better than you'd expected." Derek smirked. "I believe your exact words were that the thought of it made you 'vomit a little in your mouth'?"

Addison smiled sheepishly. "Well, yeah…"

Silence fell between them.

"Where are you working now?" Derek asked, making chit-chat.

"Mount Sinai."

"Head of Neonatal Surgery?"

"Like I'd accept anything less?" Addison smirked.

"Is it hard? With Natalie?"

Addison hesitated. "I… Manage."

"You wouldn't have to manage if you'd just told me." Derek said bitterly. "She'd have two parents instead of one."

Addison sighed. "Derek, I thought I was doing the right thing."

"How can it be the right thing when I didn't know I had a daughter?" Derek challenged.

Addison didn't answer him, knowing that he was right. Instead, she popped the trunk of her Mercedes GL450 SUV.

"Family car." Derek noted, throwing his luggage in. "Too bad it doesn't have a family."

"Natalie and I are still a family." Addison snapped, slamming the trunk shut.

"Fine." Derek conceded. "What's our plan here?"

"For now…" Addison climbed into the car and started it. "You are Uncle Derek."

"You're going to lie to her now?" Derek raised a brow as he buckled his seatbelt. "Glad I'm not alone."

Addison ignored him. "Once she warms up to you, we'll tell the truth."

"I have a bad feeling about this." Derek muttered, staring out the window as New York City whizzed by.

* * *

"Thanks for dropping her off, Savvy." Addison said after she and Derek had arrived at her home, giving her best friend a hug. 

"Hey, no problem." Savvy said, smiling at her. She turned to Derek and gave him a hug. "It's good to see you, Derek. We should have dinner before you go."

"Definitely." Derek agreed, but he was looking at his daughter, who was standing at Savvy's side; he found himself unable to take his eyes off of her.

"Hi!" Natalie greeted Derek. "Who are you?"

"This is… Mommy's good friend from college. This is your Uncle Derek." Addison said, gesturing to Derek.

"Hello, Uncle Derek!" Natalie exclaimed, sticking out her left hand. "I am Natalie Faith Montgomery, and it is nice to meet you!"

Derek started to offer Natalie his right hand, then realized it was the wrong one. He quickly extended his left one instead, and took her tiny hand within his to give it a light shake.

"She's left-handed." Addison explained, stifling a laugh. "I keep trying to tell her to put out her right hand…"

Derek stooped down to Natalie's level. He took in her features; Addison's hair and facial structure, and his eyes and smile. She looked exactly what he had imagined and hoped that their child would, when he had wanted one when they were married – a perfect mixture of their best features.

"It's…" Derek swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat that had risen upon seeing his only child for the first time. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Natalie."

"You have blue eyes like mine!" Natalie giggled.

"Yes." Derek agreed softly, looking up at Addison, then back at Natalie. "Like yours."

"Do you like Bratz dolls?" Natalie asked excitedly. "I'll go get some and we can play!"

Before Derek could answer, Natalie had scampered off down the hall. He slowly stood and looked at Addison in confusion. "Are those the ones that are shaped like lollipops? That have glitter all over them and they all dress like sluts?"

Addison rolled her eyes. "Yes, but try telling a five-year-old that they aren't good role models."

"She's very friendly." Derek commented.

Addison nodded. "Very popular, too. She has tons of friends."

"Here, I brought you a boy!" Natalie said breathlessly as she ran back into the room, handing Derek a male doll.

"The boy looks just like the girls, but with shorter hair!" Derek whispered to Addison, who smirked.

"Sit down!" Natalie commanded.

Addison cleared her throat. "Natalie, what do we say?"

"Please?" Natalie flashed a charming smile.

Addison and Derek complied with her request, sitting Indian-style on the carpet.

Natalie provided Addison with a female doll, and took a child-sized doll for herself, abandoning the rest of the dolls in a heap. "You can be the mommy, and Uncle Derek can be the daddy, and I'll be the kid!"

"Oh, honey…" Addison looked awkwardly at Derek. "I don't think that…"

"It's okay." Derek cut in, busily styling his doll's hair with his fingers. "It'll be fun."

Addison stifled a laugh at the action. "Okay."

"So the mommy doll and the daddy doll have to kiss, because that's what mommies and daddies do." Natalie said, watching Addison and Derek expectantly.

"Um, right." Addison said. She blushed as she looked at Derek and turned her doll's glittery red lips toward his doll's face. With a nervous laugh, Derek pressed his doll against hers.

Natalie clapped her hands. "Excellent! Let's make a musical for mommy, Uncle Derek!"

"A, uh, musical?" Derek repeated nervously.

"Yeah!" Natalie bobbed her head up and down enthusiastically. "You have to make your doll dance, okay? And you have to sing."

"Sing… What?" Derek asked, baffled.

"A song!" Natalie rolled her eyes, as though it should be _perfectly _obvious.

"Oh, right… Um…" Derek thought for a moment, then sang awkwardly while bouncing the doll around on the floor. "The shareef don't like it! Rockin' the Casbah! Rock the Casbah!"

Natalie wrinkled her face. "Whoa, whoa! Stop! What is that song?! That's the worst song I've ever heard! Those aren't real words! You can't just make up a song!"

Derek's face fell. "It's The Clash! I didn't make it up."

Addison stroked Natalie's hair fondly. "You're absolutely right, sweetheart. It is a terrible song."

"Hey!" Derek pouted. "Not fair. Don't encourage her."

"She's not!" Natalie insisted. "I hated that song all by myself! You need to sing a love song, since it's from a daddy to a mommy!"

"Um…" Derek shifted awkwardly. "All right." He took a deep breath and started singing the first thing that came to his head, avoiding Addison's eyes. "Though I've tried before to tell her of the feelings I have for her in my heart, every time that I come near her, I just lose my nerve, as I've done from the start. Every little thing she does is magic. Everything she do just turns me on. Even though my life before was tragic, now I know my love for her goes on…"

Derek trailed off and dropped his eyes to the floor. Addison laughed nervously to break the silence. "Um… Derek, have you listened a radio since the eighties?"

Natalie looked puzzled. "What does 'turns me on' mean?"

Addison tugged at her hair. "Um, well, sweetie, it means…"

Derek cleared his throat. "Hey, Natalie! I bet you have some outfits for these dolls, right? Why don't you go pick your favorite one and show it to me?"

Natalie grinned. "Okay! I'll be right back!"

"Being a mom suits you, Addie." Derek said softly once Natalie had left the room. "I always thought it would."

"Yeah…" Addison agreed, tears filling her eyes. "I just wish I would have figured it out sooner."

"Hey…" Derek said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Maybe it would have saved us." Addison sniffled. "Maybe a child would have brought us together; given us something to focus on besides our careers."

Derek gently wiped her tears from her cheeks with the back of his hand. "Maybe, but there's no sense in wondering. We can't do anything to change it now."

"Sometimes, it's really hard, raising her alone…" Addison buried her face in her knees. "I know I brought it on myself, but that doesn't make it any easier."

"Shh, Addie…" Derek rubbed her back gently and pulled her into an embrace.

Addison had hurt him, undoubtedly, but they _had _been married for eleven years. Seeing the way that she mothered his child, and the way it came so naturally to her, softened him toward her.

"Mommy?" Natalie asked softly, hanging back in the doorway, holding a tiny doll dress in her hand. "How come you're crying?"

"Hey, Natalie…" Derek turned to his daughter. "Your mommy is fine. I think she just needs some juju. Has she told you what juju is?"

Natalie clapped her hands together and bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. "Oh, I know, I know! It's hot cocoa!"

"Well…" Derek glanced back at Addison, who was desperately trying to pull herself together. "If it's okay with your mommy, you and I could go get some and bring it back to her. What do you think about that?"

"Oh!" Natalie squealed and folded her hands together. "Oh, mommy, please?! Can I go get some hot cocoa?"

"Of course." Addison cracked a smile through her tears as Natalie dashed out of the room to find her coat. Derek slowly stood up and offered her his hand, pulling her up to a standing position.

"Is that okay?" Derek asked cautiously as he pulled his coat on. "I thought you could just use some time to be alone."

Addison nodded, offering him a small smile. "It's fine."

Natalie returned, clad in a pale yellow snow jacket and white earmuffs, and clutching a pink porcelain pig with roses painted on its side between mitten-covered hands. "I brought money!"

Derek laughed. "Tell you what. I've got this one, okay?"

"Okay!" Natalie said brightly. She set the pig down on the coffee table and skipped over to Derek, offering him her small hand. "Let's go! Hold my hand! We have to hold hands when we cross the street!"

Derek smiled as he squeezed his daughter's hand in his much larger one. "Come on, little Daisy."

Natalie cocked her head. "Daisy?"

"You look like a little daisy in that coat." Derek explained, opening the door for her.

"But you know daisies can't grow in the winter." Natalie informed him.

"Oh, right." Derek nodded solemnly, winking at Addison as he guided Natalie out the door into the snow.


	4. Chapter 4

_How about a little Addek for Valentine's Day? ;)_

_

* * *

_

Though Derek wasn't very familiar with the part of the city that Addison and Natalie lived in, it didn't take him long to find Starbucks, which seemed to have infected the city even more than he remembered from years ago. As their shoes crunched in the snow and people hustled by them, Derek realized that he missed New York more than he ever realized.

He looked down at his daughter's hand, which he held protectively in his own. She was so small, so innocent. She trusted him and her mother blindly, and they were lying to her. He hated going along with Addison's idea, but after all, Addison knew her better; maybe she was right and this idea would work.

"Do you know my daddy?" Natalie suddenly asked hopefully.

Then again, maybe not.

Addison had not coached him on what to say if this question came up, and he found himself at a loss for words.

"I… Well…"

"Mommy and you went to medical school together, and mommy said my daddy went to medical school with her." Natalie explained. "So, I think you must know him."

_Clever girl, _Derek thought.

"Um… Yes, I do." Derek said slowly.

"Is he a nice guy?" Natalie asked.

"I like to think so, yes."

"What's his name?" Natalie pressed.

"These are questions you should ask your mom, Natalie." Derek said gently. "It's not my place…"

Natalie stared down at her feet and kicked at the snow, her lip folded down in a little pout. "She won't tell me. She won't talk about him. She still loves him."

Derek's eyebrow lifted in interest. "What makes you think that?"

"She told me." Natalie said. "And she just looks so sad when I ask her about him…"

Derek took a deep breath and opened the door for Natalie, guiding her into the coffee shop by gently placing his hand on his shoulders. He had a break from the awkwardness of the situation while he ordered their hot cocoas. Natalie's nose pressed up against the case that held the baked goods, the breath from her nostrils creating a small fog on the glass. Derek watched the simple action for a moment, amused by the amount of personality his daughter had fit into such a tiny person.

"Did you want a cookie, Natalie?" Derek asked rhetorically.

Natalie's eyes lit up with excitement and she bobbed her head up and down enthusiastically. Her excitement reminded him painfully of her mother.

"Whatever she wants." Derek told the barista with a smile.

After careful consideration, Natalie selected a chocolate chunk cookie.

Derek gave her the cookie and her small hot cocoa, which she insisted on carrying herself. He carried his and Addison's, and they began the short walk back to Addison and Natalie's house.

"Does your mom go on many dates?" Derek asked hesitantly.

He almost felt guilty, pumping his daughter for information after bribing her with cookies, but how else was he going to find out what Addison had been up to in the past five years? She was unlikely to admit anything herself.

"Not many." Natalie's voice was muffled, her mouth full of cookie. "She always finds something wrong with them."

"Like what?"

Natalie shrugged, pushing more cookie into her mouth. "Too short, too fat, too bald, too talky, not talky enough…"

"Do you… Do you wish you had a new dad?" Derek asked.

Natalie took a drink of her hot cocoa, making a face when it burned her tongue. "I don't know. Mommy seems lonely, but I like it being the two of us… I don't want any old dad. I want _my_ dad."

"Makes sense."

"Do you have a dad?"

"I did… For a while."

"Why only a while?"

"He… He died."

Natalie's small features turned very serious. "I'm sorry."

Derek reached down and gently ruffled her hair. "It's okay, kiddo."

As they approached the house, he saw the outline of his tall, slender ex-wife standing outside the front door. Embers were burning a few inches from her face. Addison guiltily tired to hide the cigarette behind her back, but the thin cloud of smoke coming up from it betrayed her.

"You're… Smoking." Derek said, the surprise evident in his voice as he held her hot cocoa out to her.

"You told me you would quit, Mommy." Natalie said, clearly disappointed in her mother. "It's so yucky."

"I thought you quit 15 years ago." Derek said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Addison had picked up the vice in her second year of medical school, much to Derek's dismay. It never ceased to amaze him that some doctors, knowing all of the consequences of the habit, didn't hesitate to pick it up. It had taken hundreds of packs of bubble gum and an epic number of nicotine patches, but he'd finally helped Addison kick the habit; or, so he'd thought.

"I only do it when I'm stressed out." Addison defended herself.

"Then you must be stressed out a lot, Mommy." Natalie said with a sad shake of her head.

Addison scowled at her daughter for ratting her out to her ex-husband. Derek snatched the pack of cigarettes from the ledge next to Addison and pocketed them.

"For starters, we'll throw these out." Derek decided.

"She'll just buy more." Natalie shook her head, obviously having followed through on that idea herself at least once.

Addison sighed and put out the cigarette in the ashtray that she had brought outside with her. She opened the door to the house and followed Derek and Natalie inside.

"Why don't you go change into your PJs, Natalie?" Addison suggested. "Uncle Derek and I need to catch up."

"Okay!" Natalie threw her arms around Addison's waist for a hug, then scampered off to change clothes.

"Smoking, Addie?" Derek said after she had left, the disapproval apparent in his voice. "It'd be nice if you lived to see our daughter grow up."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Please, I smoke a cigarette here and there. It's not crack."

"Maybe not, but you know that it can…"

"Spare me the surgeon general warning, Derek." Addison interrupted.

"All right then." Derek cleared his throat. "Well… Back to Natalie. She's amazing, Addie… I have to say, it seems like you've done a good job… Except for flaunting bad habits in front of her, of course, and keeping her father out of her life."

Addison ignored the last comment. "I've tried."

"You've done well."

"I wish… I wish we could have had her when we were married. Why… Why didn't we ever try again, after that one time?" Addison wondered aloud. "Why did we make our careers the most important thing in our lives?"

When they turned 35, Addison and Derek had decided that it was time to try for a baby. Four months went by without any luck. Then, Addison got the news that she had been selected as head of neonatology of the hospital they both worked in. They'd decided that the time wasn't right, and she had gone back on her birth control, never to speak of the idea again.

"I guess… I guess we thought that we had forever. I guess we never thought that we would get so shot in the ass with ourselves and our careers that we wouldn't have time for a family." Derek said with a frown.

"Or each other." Addison said quietly.

"Yeah…" Derek sighed, feeling guilty because he knew that he was the one who never made time. She'd always tried, but he hadn't; and he knew it.

"We were idiots, you know." Addison said, settling on the couch. "I've delivered hundreds of babies… Saved babies who weren't supposed to have a chance in hell of surviving. Saved their mothers when they were bleeding out. But, there's nothing like the feeling of tucking her in bed every night. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me."

"I wish I knew the feeling, of having a child to come home to every night." Derek responded somewhat bitterly. Addison looked down and picked at the sequins on a throw pillow.

The tension was broken when their daughter bounded back into the room, clad in Care Bear pajamas and clutching Snuggles, the stuffed pink elephant that her Uncle Archer had given her at birth close to her chest. She had a broad grin on her face that Addison knew meant only one thing; she was up to something.

"I have the BEST idea!" Natalie exclaimed, clapping her little hands together.

"What's that, sugar plum?" Addison asked, using her favorite nickname for Natalie.

"We should have a sleepover!" Natalie grinned. "A PJ party! Uncle Derek could stay, and it would be so much fun!"

Addison and Derek exchanged wide-eyed, awkward glances.

"But, um, honey… We don't have an extra bedroom. Where would Uncle Derek sleep?" Addison asked slowly, almost fearful of her daughter's answer.

Natalie looked around their home thoughtfully. She spun in a circle, using her arms in a grand sweeping gesture around their living room. "Right here! We can camp on the floor! Just like we did that one time, but inside!"

"You went camping?" Derek smirked.

Addison rubbed her temples. "It was a trip with Savvy, Weiss, and Mei… It was all their idea. I was forced into it."

"You hate camping."

"She set the tent on fire!" Natalie giggled.

Derek's eyebrows jumped. "You did what?!"

"It's a long story." Addison said. She didn't feel like recounting how she had built the campfire too close to the tent and a stray spark had set the thing ablaze. She'd lost a good pair of Pradas in that fire.

"But we won't have to have fire because it's warm in the house, Mommy." Natalie explained. "You have nothing to worry about!"

_That's what you think._ Addison thought to herself, picturing an awkward overnight with her ex-husband.

"Pleeeeaaaase?" Natalie begged, jutting her heart-shaped lips into an irresistible pout.

Addison and Derek looked at each other wearily.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm sure that Uncle Derek has a hotel room, Natalie." Addison said.

"But he'll be lonely there all by himself." Natalie frowned. "When you go out of town on business, you always say you're lonely in the hotel all alone. You don't want Uncle Derek to be lonely, do you?"

Addison could feel her frustration building. Natalie had a way with words, with people, that made her impossible to say no to. "Of course not, honey, but…"

Natalie clasped her hands together. "Then we'll all stay here on the floor together so no one has to be alone."

Addison looked at Derek apologetically.

"It's okay." Derek said, giving in. "I'll stay. But, just for tonight, okay?"

Natalie flashed a dazzling smile. "Great! I'll go get the pillows and the blankets!"

Natalie took off up the stairs, presumably to the linen closet, leaving Derek and Addison alone.

"I kinda have a problem with telling her no." Addison laughed nervously. "I need to work on that."

"She's very persuasive."

Addison shook her head, looking up the stairs where her daughter had run off. "You have no idea."

"Um… There is one problem."

"What's that?"

"My suitcase is here, I didn't bring anything to sleep in… At all." Derek said, slightly embarrassed. "As you well know, I usually like to sleep…"

"In the buff." Addison finished.

"Yeah, and that's not exactly appropriate here."

"I'm sure I can find you something. Give me a minute."

* * *

Addison came back downstairs a while later, dressed in pink silk pajamas with brown polka dots, her face fresh after removing her makeup, and her hair hanging loose around her face. She wore her signature brown plastic framed glasses, and had a light blue shirt and a navy blue pair of sweatpants slung over her arm.

"I, uh… Think these are yours, anyway." Addison said, her cheeks pink as she held out Derek's old Columbia medical school t-shirt and the sweatpants.

"Heyyy, I haven't seen that one in a while."

Derek took the shirt from Addison and quickly realized that it smelled like the perfume she had worn since the first time he bought her for her when they were dating; clearly, she had worn the shirt recently and tossed it back in her drawer. He tried not to make it too obvious that he was enjoying smelling her signature scent again for the first time in five years.

"Where's the bathroom?" Derek asked.

Addison pointed and he took off in that direction to change. She watched his retreating figure wistfully before sighing and returning to the living room.

Natalie had arranged quite a campsite for them. She'd taken every bed and throw pillow in the house and thrown it on the floor, along with a tangle of blankets and sheets. When Addison walked in, she was busily stretching the sheets over some chairs.

"Look! I made a tent!" Natalie exclaimed proudly.

Addison had to laugh. "That looks very good, sweetie."

"Don't get any fire on it." Natalie said seriously, and Addison stuck her tongue out at her playfully.

Addison sat on the floor Indian style under Natalie's makeshift tent, and Derek soon joined them. They sat there in a circle quietly for a few minutes before Derek finally cleared his throat.

"What do we do now?"

Natalie leaned forward on her hands, with a dreamy expression on her face. "Tell me about Mommy. You know, before she got old."

Addison looked hurt. "Thanks a lot, Nat."

"Well…" Derek said thoughtfully, a small smile playing on his lips. "There was this one date that your mommy had in college…"

"Was it with my daddy?" Natalie asked hopefully.

Derek gave a sideways glance to Addison, who looked nervous. "Um… Yes, it was with your daddy."

"Yay!" Natalie clapped her hands together. "Go on."

"Well, I don't know if you know this… But your mom loves to dance."

Natalie jaw dropped in clear surprise. "She DOES?"

"Oh yes, she does… And one night, she was a little…" Derek tried to think of an alternative for "drunk." "She was a little clumsy… And she lost her shoe. It was a high heel, you see, and it flew across the room. The heel hit the jukebox and it shattered."

"The day the music died." Addison murmured with a roll of her eyes, using the name that Derek and Mark liked to use for the event.

"But that wasn't all." Derek continued, and Natalie's giggling quieted. "She stumbled when she lost her shoe and knocked your daddy over. He hit his head on the corner of a table and ended up with a concussion, and she broke her ankle."

Natalie's eyes got large and round. "Oh my gosh! Were they okay?"

"Eventually… But between the cost of replacing the jukebox and the ER bills, well, it was the most expensive date that w--" Derek quickly corrected himself. "That _they_ ever had."

Natalie looked up at her mom. "Wow, Mommy. You used to be funny."

"I'm still funny!" Addison protested.

Derek jumped when he felt something furry run across his back. "What the?!"

He looked over his shoulder and saw a ridiculous looking long-haired white cat, like something out of a Fancy Feast commercial. The cat sniffed him with mild interest before walking over to her young mistress and curling up at her feet.

"You hate cats." Derek whispered into Addison's ear.

Addison shrugged. "I love Natalie, and Natalie loves cats… Besides, Miss Prissy isn't so bad."

"Miss Prissy?" Derek snorted. "Natalie, you're a creative girl."

"Actually… Mommy named her." Natalie said with a beam as she stroked the cat's fluffy fur, causing Addison to blush.

"Nice."

Natalie yawned dramatically and leaned back in her mother's lap. "I'm getting tired, Mommy."

Addison stroked her hair gently. "Let's go to sleep. I'll get the lights."

When the lights were out, the three lay down on the floor, Natalie in the middle of the divorced couple with the back of her head resting against Addison's chest. Addison wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter, and Derek figured that this was something they did frequently; maybe during particularly scary thunderstorms or when one of them was feeling lonely. Natalie fell asleep quickly in her mother's arms, and Addison was soon to follow, leaving Derek to watch them sleep.

"Goodnight, girls." Derek whispered softly before turning to go to sleep himself.

* * *

"Mooooooom." Natalie was tapping her foot by Addison's head.

Addison slowly opened her eyes the next morning and saw her daughter standing in front of her, dressed with her hair combed, her coat on, and her backpack on her back. She looked over, her eyes widening in shock when she realized that her own head was resting on her ex-husband's chest and that his arms were drawn protectively around her with their five-year-old barrier gone.

Addison stiffened slightly, her cheeks flushing bright red. "Um, what is it, Natalie?"

"School?" Natalie pointed to her backpack, giving her mother a look that said "duh." "I'm supposed to be there in 20 minutes!"

Natalie was tapping the time on her Hello Kitty digital watch. Addison sat up suddenly, eliciting a groan from her ex-husband as he was rudely awakened from his sleep.

"I'm so sorry, Natalie." Addison said, jumping to her feet and taking off up the stairs. "I'll be right back."

She came running back down the stairs a few minutes later, dressed in a way that Derek hadn't seen her dress since college. Her hair was swept back into a hasty ponytail, wearing jeans, sneakers, and a Dalton School t-shirt, which led Derek to guess that was the exclusive private school that their daughter attended. She looked every bit the soccer mom, and not a thing like the Addison he had been married to for 11 years.

Addison grabbed her car keys off the key rack by the door, pausing for a moment to catch her breath before shrugging her coat on. "I need to run her to school."

Derek nodded. "Yup. I gathered that."

"So, uh… Do you have plans for today?"

"I was going to go visit with Nancy and have lunch with Weiss." Derek replied.

"Well, would uh… You like to come over for dinner? 7, maybe?"

"Sure. I'll see you then."

* * *

"You couldn't have told me I have a kid?"

"It wasn't my place to tell." Weiss said defensively, dunking his chicken finger in barbeque sauce.

"It would have been nice if _someone _would have thought it was their place. Anyone."

"Look, man…" Weiss began. "I'm not going to defend what Addie did because I don't think it was right. But I do think you should know that it hasn't been easy on her, at all."

Weiss went on to tell Derek about Addison's difficult pregnancy. How Natalie had almost died twice before she was born, and how she finally made her appearance after an emergency c-section, followed by a two week stay in the NICU. He described Addison's battle with post-partum depression, and about how she was still on anti-depressants.

Derek was quiet, picking at his club sandwich, so Weiss went on.

"She's agonized all of these years about whether or not to call you, but she was afraid that you were with Meredith and that it would ruin things." Weiss took a gulp of his diet soda. "Believe it or not, she wanted you to be happy, even if that was with Meredith."

"But I missed it." Derek said softly. "I missed her growing up. I missed it all."

"You missed hundreds of diapers, toilet training, her learning to walk and talk… I'm not saying those aren't a big deal, Derek, but she's not 30 years old. You haven't missed her whole life. She's at this great age now where her little personality is starting to shine. You can be part of that." Weiss urged. "We got Mei when she was 3, so we missed a few years of her life… But that doesn't make me feel any less attached to her or like any less of a father. Mei doesn't remember China, and Natalie probably isn't going to remember much of when you weren't there. So be there now."

"What if she won't let me?"

"She will." Weiss assured him. "You just need to talk to her, and figure out how you can both be in her life."

"You're right." Derek sighed, shoving a fry into his mouth. "I know you're right."

* * *

Derek showed up promptly at seven, as promised, just as Addison was setting the table for dinner. There was a bowl of penne pasta in a cream sauce with chicken on the table, along with a bowl of salad, and a basket of bread.

"Uh oh… Poultry…" Derek said in mock fear. "Trying to give me salmonella like you did my sister?"

Addison made a face. "I'll have you know, I am a GOOD cook now. I took some lessons because I wanted Natalie to have home cooked meals, and well… I'm good!"

Derek held up his hands in defeat. "Okay, okay."

There was an insistent, irritating knock at the door, much to Addison's surprise. She held up one finger to tell Derek she would be right back and jogged to the foyer. Addison opened the door and saw a young girl with blonde braids on the doorstep.

"Carissa? What are you doing here?"

Carissa blinked at her. "My dad and I are here to pick up Natalie. She's sleeping over tonight."

Addison's hand hit her forehead. "Of course. I forgot."

Natalie was already rushing past her, a pink duffel bag in hand. It amazed Addison that even at her young age, Natalie was fearless about spending the night with her friends. Addison had been the opposite at her age and even older, frequently having to be picked up by her parents in the middle of the night from friends' houses. Natalie gave Addison a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"See you tomorrow, Mommy!" Natalie called as she headed out the door.

"Bye, baby." Addison waved and closed the door. She looked at her ex-husband as she walked sheepishly back to the dining room. "So, uh, I guess it's just us."

Derek smirked. "Sure you didn't plan this?"

"I swear I didn't!" Addison said quickly, heading back to the dining room and removing Natalie's plate from the table. "It's been a busy week at work, and…"

"Relax, Addie." Derek said, settling himself in one of the dining room chairs. "I was joking."

"If you want to go, I understand." Addison said softly.

"Nah. I think I'll stay, and try this cooking that you claim you're good at now." Derek grinned as Addison shoved him gently.

"Okay then…" Addison took a deep breath at the thought of a dinner alone with her husband. She decided that alcohol would be a necessity. "Red or white wine, then?"


	6. Chapter 6

_So, I hope this doesn't have any errors. I proofread it, but I was kind of excited to finish it up, so I might have missed some things. Enjoy! :)_

_Also, as a side note, I work in a daycare, and the parents of one of my babies met Patrick Dempsey through racing because the boy's dad build race cars. I AM SO JEALOUS!!! They say he is very nice and down to earth. ;)_

* * *

"Well, Addison, I'm surprised." Derek announced, taking the last bite of his pasta. "That was delicious, and I don't feel like I'm going to die from being poisoned, so I think we're in the clear."

Addison made a face at him, refilling his glass with red wine. "Har har."

"Do you remember the Chianti from that little café in Florence?" Derek asked, taking a sip.

"Yeah." Addison smiled softly, remembering their honeymoon. "I always look for it when I'm wine shopping, but… I've never found it… Not even in Manhattan."

There was an awkward silence. Addison twisted the stem of her wine glass between her thumb and forefinger absently.

"So, how have you managed, with Natalie?" Derek asked. "Did you take time off after you had her?"

Addison sighed. "Not really, no. She was in daycare at the hospital until she got to school."

"And how did that work out?"

"She called her daycare teacher, Miss Leah, 'mama' weeks before she ever called me that." Addison said, her eyes downcast. "Sometimes, she would cry when I came to pick her up because she didn't want to leave."

"Oh, Addie…"

"But I know our daughter." Addison said firmly. "She has asthma. Her left front tooth is a temporary false one because she knocked her baby tooth out when she was two while trying to climb our entertainment center to put in 'Finding Nemo.' She says her favorite color is blue, but it's really pink; just go look at her closet. When she's hurt or upset, she likes to have hot chocolate. She kissed her first boy when she was in preschool."

As she prattled on, it became clear to Derek that she was trying to convince herself more than him that she knew their daughter, and that her work had not damaged the relationship between them.

"Her favorite movie is 'Grease.' Her favorite book is 'The Velveteen Rabbit.' She can't pronounce the word 'lipstick' correctly. She only likes eggs if they are scrambled with cheese. She wants to be astronaut. Her first word was uterus…"

"Wait a minute." Derek held up one hand. "Our daughter's first word was _uterus_?"

Addison laughed softly. "Um, yeah. I used to read my medical journals to her to lull her to sleep… I guess some of it stuck."

"See, this is why she needed a father in her life." Derek said, but his tone was teasing. "Then her first word could have been something like amygdala."

Addison rolled her eyes at his poor attempt at joke. "Sometimes, I think about giving it all up."

"But you love being a doctor." Derek protested.

"Not as much as I love being her mother." Addison said with a sigh. "I mean, I wouldn't give it up completely. I could do research, tackle some big cases… Just not be in a supervisory position where I'm on call at all times.

"That might not be so bad." Derek said thoughtfully.

"Maybe for the next 10 years, anyway, until she's a teenager and hates me." Addison said wryly as she drained her wine glass. "Hey, do you want to see some pictures of her? I mean, I know it's not the same as… But…"

Derek nodded. "I'd love to."

* * *

From under the coffee table, Addison pulled a silver plated album, engraved with Natalie's name and birth date.

"This was a gift from Naomi." Addison explained as she opened it.

In the first picture, he saw a tiny baby with a shock of messy dark hair that looked more like Derek's than Addison's. She was lying in her clear box of a makeshift womb, covered in wires, her thumb firmly planted in her mouth. Derek could tell that it still pained Addison to see their daughter like that, bringing back those memories.

"She had Respiratory Distress Syndrome when she was born." Addison explained. "I… I couldn't be with her at first, when she was born, and it was awful…"

Addison stopped for a moment, running a finger over the picture before continuing.

"I had to have an emergency c-section, and an emergency hysterectomy because I was bleeding out. I am _definitely_ barren now." Addison said wryly.

She turned the page of the photo album for Derek. In the following pictures, Natalie was clearly stronger and healthier. Addison had pictures of her for each month of her life. They finally landed on a picture of Natalie seated before a piece of cake with a wax "1" stuck into it.

"Oh!" Addison tapped the picture. "This is a good one."

"Is that her first birthday?"

"Yes. But do you notice anything weird about it, compared to everyone else in the world's first birthday pictures?"

Derek squinted at the picture. "She's… Not covered in cake?"

"Exactly! She didn't like touching the cake. She didn't smash her hands in it like most babies do. She tore off neat bites like this." Addison pinched her thumb and forefinger together to demonstrate. "We have one strange child."

As they flipped through the pictures, Derek saw Natalie through all of the stages of her life. He saw her grow from looking more like him as an infant to more like her mother. He saw vacations, extra-curricular activities, holidays; and he couldn't help but mentally insert himself into the pictures.

"Hey…" Derek pointed to one picture of a three-year-old Natalie standing by a horse. "That's Lucky, isn't it?"

Addison beamed, happy that her ex-husband had remembered the name of her favorite horse, which had become Natalie's horse. "Yup! She loves to go visit Grandma Bizzy in Connecticut and go riding."

"How is Bizzy these days?"

Addison rolled her eyes. "You have to ask?"

Derek chuckled. "I guess not."

"Oh gosh…" Addison smacked her forehead with a small laugh. "I just realized I'm going to have to tell your mother about Natalie! If I thought she hated me before, damn…"

Derek looked down at the couch. "Actually… You won't."

"What do you mean?" Addison was confused.

"Mom died…" Derek didn't look up. "A heart attack."

Addison's eyes widened in shock. "What?! Oh my God. I feel terrible, Derek… I kept Natalie from your family, and she never got to meet her… She never knew her only son's daughter, and it's all my fault!"

Derek finally raised his eyes to meet Addison's. "Actually, she wouldn't have met her anyway… It probably happened before you ever knew you were pregnant. It was only a month after you left."

"Derek, why didn't you tell me?"

Derek shrugged. "We weren't married anymore… And you'd left…"

"I still would have wanted to…" Addison trailed off. She closed the photo album, put it on the coffee table, and placed a hand on Derek's cheek. He leaned into her touch slightly. "I cared for you, you know. I still do. I just didn't know how to reconcile that with our divorce… And I still don't."

"I know… I don't either." Derek admitted. "You should know that… Natalie told me that you said you still love me."

The shade of Addison's cheeks quickly deepened, and she turned away in clear embarrassment. Derek used his fingertip under her chin to draw her face back toward his, and in closer. He moved his fingertip up to her cheek and stroked it gently. This closer look at her allowed him to see that his former wife looked different. She wore less makeup than she once did, and the laugh lines on her face were deeper than he remembered. The old Addison would have probably had Botox, but this new Addison, the one whose life revolved more around her child than herself, was softer and less concerned with her appearance. But she was still beautiful; maybe even more beautiful than when they were married.

"I tell you that because…" Derek swallowed. "I still love you too, Addie."

Derek moved his head forward and closed the small gap between them by pressing his lips against hers. His arm slipped around her, leaving his hand to rest on the small of her back. He used the hand to pull Addison closer to him, parting her lips with his tongue. An electric shock bolted through both of them at the connection of their tongues. Addison let out a soft sigh as Derek's hands found her hair. It was too much. Addison reluctantly broke away from the kiss, pressing into Derek's chest to push him away and separate them.

"Stop."

"Why?"

"Because it's not just about us now, Derek. It's about Natalie. Everything that I… That we, do… Affects her. I can't let you put her through what you put me through. I won't let that happen to her."

"What if things are different now?"

"How?" Addison demanded. "How are things different?"

"Five years ago, I couldn't imagine being anything but a brain surgeon. You might have even been right to keep Natalie away from me, because I was selfish. Her learning to walk would have paled in comparison to extracting a brain tumor. I didn't care about anything but surgery, and it wasn't worth it."

"But… You saved so many lives."

"And neglected my own. I lost everything." Derek said, looking down. "I lost you."

"Der…"

"Let me finish." Derek pleaded. "I never even cared about the money. It was about the God complex. I got to hold brains in my hands and feel like God because I could fix them. But now, I'm 45. I've been alone for the past 5 years, I hadn't been alone since I was 22, when we started dating. I realize that I hate it. It's not worth it. I want something more."

"What are you saying?" Addison said, the confusion clear in her blue eyes.

"Why can't we try to raise Natalie together?" Derek asked, taking Addison's hand. "Why can't we try to have the family we wanted years ago?"

"You have to go." Addison suddenly jumped off the couch and crossed the room quickly to the front door.

"Addison…" Derek slowly pulled himself off the couch and followed her.

"Please, just…" Addison opened the front door for him. "Don't make it any harder than it already is."

"But… What about Natalie?"

"Well, Natalie has a three day weekend starting tomorrow, and I already took it off to spend with her, so you can join us." Addison said. "But… I can't be alone with you without her."

"Why not?" Derek pressed.

"Because I'm afraid of what I might do… Or say."

"Addie, can't we just…"

Addison cleared her throat, trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "Goodbye, Derek."

Derek nodded and stepped outside. "Night, Addie."

Addison closed the door softly behind him. She stood with her back against the door and closed her eyes. Tears escaped and made little trails down her face. She waited a few moments, then turned and opened the door again, to see if he was gone. She wasn't really sure whether she wanted him to be or not.

Derek was still standing there.

"Hi." Addison said, sniffling softly.

"Hi."

She forgot all logic as he pulled her into his tight embrace, and his lips crashed against hers once again.


	7. Chapter 7

"You… You were supposed to leave." Addison gasped as Derek's teeth nipped at her neck, and she pulled his shirt up and off of his body.

"You were looking for me." Derek pointed out, his tongue running up her neck until it met her ear, which he pulled into his mouth. He decided not to bother with the buttons of her silk cranberry-colored blouse, instead ripping it off and making the buttons fly off in every direction.

"That… Was a $500 shirt." Addison pouted, glancing at it on the floor.

"I'll buy you a new one."

"Okay. But… We… We can't do this." Addison said, her fingers busily working to unbutton his pants.

"I know. It's wrong." Derek panted, his fingers tracing the swells of her breasts over her wine lace bra with black trim. It never ceased to amaze him that his ex-wife always wore matching underwear, and it usually matched what she was wearing over it, too. It was obsessive compulsive, but it had always turned him on when they were married because he could guess what lingerie she was wearing that day when they were at work.

"And it's never going to work between us." Addison was yanking his pants down.

"Do we care right now?" Derek was freeing Addison from the confines of her skirt.

"Not a damn bit." Addison said as he helped her shimmy out of her pantyhose and lace panties.

With his hands able to grip her bare skin, he lifted her up so that her legs were wrapped securely around his waist. "Where's the bedroom?"

She pointed over his shoulder up the stairs and he spun around, carefully carrying her up the stairs while stopping here and there to plant kisses on her neck. When they reached the bedroom, he tossed her down on the plum satin comforter and quickly got on top of her.

His fingers traced the scar from her c-section slowly, thinking of all that she had gone through, physically and emotionally, for their daughter. Addison, self-conscious about the scar, desperately tried to cover it up with her hands, but he shooed them away. He placed soft kisses along the line, and he could hear his ex-wife suck in a deep breath. He didn't waste much time there. They were too impassioned to wait long. He looked up to Addison and after receiving a nod of permission, he made their bodies one unit.

"Oh, fuck, Addison." Derek breathed. "I'd forgotten how much I missed this."

Addison's eyes closed in enjoyment. "I know what you mean."

They knew each other's bodies the way that only people who had been together for years could. They knew exactly what each other liked and didn't like. They knew favorite positions, favorite touches… Addison and Derek had each been with a few people since each other, but no one could please them like each other.

Emotions overwhelmed her, and Addison could feel tears rolling from her closed eyes down to her cheeks. She felt like an idiot for crying over sex until she opened her eyes and saw that Derek's own blue eyes were glassy.

After their powerful release, Addison laid her head on his chest, just as she always had when they were married. His hands found her red locks and stroked them gently, just as he always had. They were silent for a long time before Derek finally spoke up.

"Now what?"

"I have no idea."

* * *

The following day was unseasonably warm for a New York City February, with temperatures in the mid-fifties. Addison, Derek, and Natalie mutually decided to enjoy the day outdoors, at Central Park. The conversation had been limited between Addison and Derek following their encounter the previous night, so they tried to focus on their daughter instead.

"Oh! Mommy, look! It's my favorite statue!" Natalie bounded ahead of them to get a closer look at the statue of Alice in Wonderland perched atop a mushroom. "Isn't she beautiful?"

Addison smiled. "She sure is, kiddo."

"Alice in Wonderland is my _favorite_ story." Natalie explained to Derek. "Mommy used to read it to me all of the time when I was little!"

Derek laughed, thinking that Natalie was _still_ little, though she clearly viewed herself as quite grown up. "I really like that story, too."

Addison groaned as the familiar beep of her pager met her ears. She glanced down at it and shook her head. "I'm sorry, guys… I'm going to have to go to the hospital.

"Mommy…" Natalie's face was twisted into an unattractive scowl. "You said you took the long weekend off!"

Addison sighed and stroked the top of Natalie's head gently. "Nat, you know that I never _really_ get the weekend off. I'm always on call. People need me."

Natalie crossed her arms firmly over her chest. "_I _need you too!"

Addison's facial expression looked pained. "I know, honey… But this baby is very sick, and if I don't go to the hospital, he could die. Do you understand?"

"Yeah." Natalie muttered, kicking at the ground.

"Derek, would you mind…"

Addison didn't even need to finish. "Of course. We'll be fine. Just give us a call later."

Addison bent down to Natalie's level and gave her a kiss across the freckles on her left cheek. "I love you. I'll call you and meet up with you as soon as I can, okay?"

Natalie turned away. "Yeah, yeah."

With a sigh, Addison waved a goodbye to Derek and quickly took off toward the streets of New York to hail a cab. Derek watched as his daughter slumped her shoulders and sulked, dragging her feet along the ground with her head facing the ground. Derek stopped her, tilted her chin up, and saw little tears forming in her eyes.

"It's hard to share your mom… Isn't it?" Derek asked, thinking of how hard it had been for him and Addison to share each other with the hospital… And how it had wrecked their marriage.

"Yeah." Natalie mumbled, her small hands going to wipe the tears out of her eyes.

Derek squatted in front of Natalie. "I know it's hard… But I've seen your mom operate, and you have to realize that she is… Magical. She can save babies and moms that no one else can save, and that makes her kind of magical."

"You like my mom, don't you?"

"Of course I do." Derek said, slowly standing up. "That's why we're friends."

"No, I mean, you _liiiiike_ my mom." Natalie giggled.

Derek felt the heat rising in his cheeks. "Why do you say that?"

Natalie stared at him. "It's _so _ob…obv… easy to see! The way you look at her, call her magical… Blah blah blah. You should just ask her out on a date."

"A date?" Derek repeated.

He thought of how ridiculous it would be to take someone he was married to for eleven years out on a date like she was some random girl he'd taken an interest in and felt the need to impress. But, perhaps Natalie had the right idea. It hadn't worked before when he and Addison had tried to pick things up from where they left off, but what if they had tried to start at the beginning again?

Natalie rolled her eyes. "Of course a date! How else are you going to get her to like you back?"

"Well, I…"

"My boyfriend and I got together because he asked me out on a date." Natalie said smugly.

Derek sputtered. "You have a boyfriend? And a date?"

Natalie rolled her eyes skyward again as though Derek was hopeless. "Um, yeah. While we were in reading class one day, Braden Harper asked me to swing with him at lunch. It was a date. And now he's my boyfriend."

"I see…" Derek was amused. "Well, if I asked her out, should I bring her flowers or..?"

Another look. "No! This is a _date_. You need to bring her gummi worms!"

"Gummi worms??" Derek repeated, completely baffled.

"Yes! That's how Braden got my heart!" Natalie sighed happily, putting her hands over her heart. It was no doubt something she had seen on TV. "But you only give her the red ones."

"Why only the red ones?"

"Because those are the best ones, and that shows you put time and thought into it!"

"Oh." Derek nodded solemnly. "I see. So should I ask her to dinner?"

Natalie made a face. "No! She gets to eat all of the time! You should take her somewhere good, do something she doesn't get to do all of the time."

"Like what?"

Natalie's eyes lit up. "Take her dancing! You said she loves dancing, so you should take her out for a dancing night on the town!"

Derek groaned, thinking of how much he hated to dance. "But, wouldn't you be upset if I took your mom away from you for a night?"

Natalie shook her head. "Nah. She needs some boy time. Maybe if you give her enough gummi worms, you can be my daddy someday. I like you."

Derek opened his mouth, almost telling his daughter that she was, in fact, his. But he closed it quickly. He smiled at her and ruffled her hair instead. "I like you, too."

* * *

"You're going on a _date _with your _ex-husband_?" Savvy shrieked into the phone.

Addison held her Blackberry six inches out from her ear to protect her eardrums. She had been as surprised as Savvy when Derek had asked her to go dancing that night when she finally caught up with him and Natalie at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. She hadn't shrieked her shock, like Savvy, but had instead stammered back a "yes" that made her wonder if she was insane.

"Yes. That is what I said." Addison replied coolly.

"Didn't we already do this, oh, I don't know… 23 years ago?!"

"We did." Addison opened her closet and started flicking through her clothes, trying to find something to wear for the evening. "I guess we're trying it again."

"That's crazy."

"I know it." Addison said, pulling out a green dress before making a face and putting it back. "But not as crazy as me sleeping with him last night."

Addison held her phone out from her ear in early preparation for Savvy's outburst of, "YOU SLEPT WITH HIM?"

"And oh my God, Savvy, it was amazing…" Addison sighed, rejecting dress after dress. "What am I doing?"

"Don't ask me!" Addison could imagine Savvy shaking her head.

"Could you keep Natalie tonight? Actually, Natalie wanted to show Mei her new Bratz Dreamhouse or whatever, so you could come over here…"

"Sure, I'd be glad to." Savvy's voice was still baffled by the information she had received.

"Also, I can't find anything to wear." Addison said, with a whiny edge in her voice. "Can you come over soon and help me?"

"_You_ can't find anything to wear in _your_ closet?" Now Savvy's voice was amused.

"Sav…"

"We'll be right over."

* * *

"You _boned_ her?!"

Derek held his iPhone several inches away from his ear at Mark's screaming. When he felt it was safe, he put the phone back against the ear. "It wasn't like that… It was more like making love." He kept his voice low, aware that he was in a candy store filled with children.

"Making love to your ex-wife…" Mark chuckled.

"I didn't say it made sense." Derek defended himself.

"And what are you doing now?"

"I'm buying her gummi worms." Derek answered, using the metal tongs like he would a surgical instrument to pluck only red ones out of the plastic case and into the plastic bag he was holding.

"I'm… Sorry?"

"It was Natalie's idea." Derek explained. "She said that gummi worms are the way to a woman's heart. I'm taking Addie out on a date tonight."

"And now you're taking dating advice from a first grader." Derek imagined Mark shaking his head. "You're losing it. And you _asked her out_? Was it for sushi while Addison was slicing up a spleen like the first time?"

"No." Derek scowled. "I just… Asked her to go out dancing. At the Met. While we were viewing 'The Great Wave off Kanagawa.'"

"How romantic. You hate dancing."

"It was Natalie's idea."

"How is Natalie, anyway?"

Derek spun the bag around to get it ready to tie into a knot. "She's amazing, Mark. She's the most amazing person that I have ever met."

"When do you think we can expect you back?"

"Well…" Derek plunked down his platinum credit card to pay for the gummi bears. "If it goes well… Maybe I won't be coming back."

"Seriously?!"

"Seriously."

* * *

_Reviews are love. ;) Also, if there is anything you'd like to see… Let me know! I'll try to work it in._


	8. Chapter 8

_Woo, thank you for all of the reviews! I love them dearly! You guys already got my wheels turning on some ideas, so keep them coming. I hope that this isn't riddled with errors... I got a little lazy with proofreading again, but I think we're okay. :) Enjoy the date!_

* * *

"I told you there is nothing to wear!" Addison wailed as she and Savvy sifted through her enormous, overstuffed closet.

"Addison, there is plenty in here to wear." Savvy said calmly. "A lot of these dresses still have the tags on them! What kind of dancing is it, anyway?"

"He didn't say!" Addison whimpered.

"Here, what about this?"

Savvy held out a scarlet colored dress that was completely coated in sequins and cut in the front down to the navel. It was very short, and would probably only barely cover Addison's ass. Savvy tried to keep a straight face as she eyed it. Mei, who was sitting quietly on the bed observing the exchange, widened her eyes at the sight, having never seen anything so red, so sparkly, or so… Slutty.

"I haven't worn that since college!" Addison snatched the miniscule dress away from Savvy and stared at it.

Natalie made a face at the dress. "Yeah, definitely don't wear that one. That's like giving it all away at once."

Savvy stifled a laugh, knowing that Addison had given it all away at once a long time ago, and thinking of how much she adored her goddaughter. "Oh my God. Five going on thirty-five."

Addison whirled around, dropping the dress in a red sparkle puddle on the floor in shock. "Where on _earth _did you hear that, Natalie Faith?"

Natalie shrugged. "Uncle Archer. Remember, he said that to you about his lady friend, Kasey? She was the one who had really hard boobs when she hugged me. Why were her boobs so hard, mommy?"

Addison rubbed her temples. "Because they were made of plastic, honey."

Natalie's nose crinkled. "Like _Barbie_? Why would anyone want plastic boobs?!"

Savvy stroked Natalie's hair affectionately. "Honey, why don't we find something else to talk about before you give your mom a stroke?"

"Okay. Can we play in your high heels while you're gone, Mommy?" Natalie asked hopefully, a sweet smile on her face in attempt to convince her mother to let her sashay around in her designer shoes.

"Nat, I said something that wouldn't give her a stroke!" Savvy admonished.

Addison looked up at Savvy, holding an armload of dresses to sort through. "They can play in the Dolces and the Marc Jacobs. They can't play in the Guccis or the Jimmy Choos, and don't even let them near the Pradas."

"What about your makeup?" Natalie grinned.

Addison narrowed her eyebrows. "I bought you your own, remember?"

Addison was referring to the little set she had picked up for Natalie at Sephora that included a shimmery pink lip gloss, light rose-colored blush, and a pale purple eyeshadow.

"I like that makeup, but yours is prettier!" Natalie responded.

Addison sighed and looked at Savvy again. "The Clinique and the Smashbox, they can play with… Keep them away from the Chanel, Shu Uemura, and NARs. Don't even let them _look_ at the La Mer."

Savvy put two fingers up to her forehead in mock salute. "Yes'm."

"All right!" Natalie ran over to the bed and high-fived Mei.

"How about one of these?" Addison held up two dresses, one deep purple and one black, for Savvy's inspection.

"That one is pretty." Mei finally spoke up in her quiet voice, pointing to the black one. Mei didn't say much, and that was probably one of the reasons she and Natalie were best friends; she was content to let Natalie do all of the talking and leading.

The dress may gestured to was elegant, yet simple - sleeveless with a beaded scooped neckline, and falling to just below the thighs with a flirty little ruffle around the bottom.

Savvy nodded her agreement. "I think we have a winner."

"I think so too!" Natalie chimed in.

"Okay." Addison took a deep breath and held the dress up to her frame, trying to picture how it would look on her. "Here goes nothing."

* * *

Natalie opened the front door later that evening with a wide smile to find Derek nicely dressed in a black dress shirt and pants with a silver tie. "Uncle Derek! Mommy is ready for you. And she looks beaauuuutifullll!"

Derek smiled. "I don't doubt that."

"Did you follow my plan?" Natalie whispered.

"I did." Derek whispered back.

Addison slowly walked down the stairs, smoothing her hands over imaginary wrinkled in her dress. She had paired it dress with a pair of peep-toed shoes with beads around the toe and a pair of onyx earrings. She let her hair flow freely in loose waves down her back; it was still a spectacular red, though Derek suspected that Addison might owe the perfection to dye rather than nature in her mid-forties.

"You look…" Derek couldn't find an appropriate word.

Addison flushed. "Thank you."

Natalie scampered off to find Savvy and Mei, giggling the entire way. Addison watched as Derek brought something from behind his back. She half-expected to see the dark pink and white blooms of stargazer lilies, which he had frequently brought to her when they were dating and married. She was quite surprised to see a little plastic bag filled with red gummi worms instead.

"Oh! Gummi worms…" Addison took the bag, slightly confused. "Thank you, Derek."

"Just the red ones." Derek added hastily, feeling pretty stupid.

Addison smiled slightly at his nervousness. She carefully unknotted the bag and freed one of the gummis. She dangled it into her mouth in a sexy move that about killed Derek. "My favorite."

Derek swallowed. "I'm glad to hear that."

"So, what's are we doing tonight?" Addison asked as she swapped the bag of gummi worms for her purse.

"Well, we are going to a tapas bar." Derek said.

"Did you just say a _topless _bar?" Addison sputtered.

"No! Tah-pahs! You know, the little appetizers!" Derek made a gesture with his hand as though he was making a small appetizer.

"Oh!" Addison's cheeks turned pink with embarrassment. "Sorry…"

Derek smirked. "Got sex on the brain after last night, Addie?"

"Shut up."

"Anyway, there is a tango dance class going on there, and I thought we could have some food and wine afterward."

"Tango?" Addison looked suspicious. "You hate dancing, and now you're taking me tangoing.

"You always wanted to learn…"

"And you always said no way."

Derek sighed. "I'm trying here, Addie. Do you think you could stop being a pain in the ass?"

Addison arched a perfectly shaped brow. "Maybe."

Derek extended his arm to her. "Then shall we?"

* * *

As a dancer, Addison moved much more naturally than Derek. She'd had quite a bit of ballet training in her younger years, and though the tango was a much different type of dancing, her grace and form (which were quite superior when she wasn't drunk and dancing near a jukebox) carried over. Derek, though his movements were technically correct, moved much too stiffly.

Fortunately for him, he was not the only one.

"No, no, no!" Elena, the instructor, shouted in heavily accented English, exasperated with the entire group. "Amigos, this is a dance of _love_. This is a very sexual dance! It is about passion!"

Derek and Addison both blushed and shied away from looking at each other.

"You are all dancing like reanimated corpses!"

Elena demonstrated her point by moving about the room with robotic stiff joints, imitating what she had seen from her students on the dance floor. "You must dance as though this is a love affair! We will try it now with music! You must forget about everything except your partners, your bodies, and the music! Otra vez!"

Elena clapped her hands together loudly and went to the CD player to start the music again. Addison tilted Derek's head so that he was looking straight into her eyes. "Just look at me."

Derek nodded. With his hand on the small of Addison's back, he held her so close to him that their hipbones were touching. They glided across the floor, their feet occasionally flicking upward and kicking for some movements. Addison threw her leg up over his thigh, and he carefully spun them in a slow circle. When she lowered her leg, he spun her around so that her back was to his chest, and they moved across the floor that way with his hand over her stomach. He quickly turned her around so she was facing him again, wanting to be able to look into her eyes. His hand wandered up her back and up into her hair, grasping it lightly. She looked so beautiful, and he wanted her so badly at that moment. He was addicted to watching the slow movements of her hips, thinking of how they had felt when they had moved with his the night before.

They were disappointed when the music slowed, but they finished the dance with a flourish, Derek dipping Addison back until her copper curls almost touched the floor. He pulled her back up as the music stopped and stared directly into her eyes, their lips merely inches from touching. Derek could feel the heat of Addison's breath on his face as she struggled to calm her heart rate.

"You two!" Elena bellowed. She pointed at Addison and Derek, who snapped out of their gaze and looked at Elena in shock.

"We must really be terrible." Derek mumbled.

"Come up here!" Elena waved them her direction with a dramatic, large swing of her arm.

The pair reluctantly shuffled to the front of the room, thoroughly embarrassed to be called out and standing in front of the other 15 couples.

"You two. How long have you been married?"

"I…." Derek began.

"We, well…" Addison trailed off.

"Out with it." Elena demanded. "You are married. This I can tell."

"Eleven years." Derek finally answered.

"Only eleven?" Elena's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "The way you move together, I would have thought much longer."

"What?" Addison's eyes widened in surprise.

"Amigos…" Elena placed her hands on Addison and Derek's shoulders. "You must watch, um… Lo siento, what are your names?"

"Derek and Addison." Addison replied softly.

"Yes, Derek and Addison! You must watch them and learn from them." Elena commanded. "Can you do your dance again?"

"For everyone?" Derek reply was shocked.

Elena crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently on the floor. "Si! For everyone! They can learn much from you."

The music started once again and they repeated their performance, their bodies moving more fluidly together than the previous time. Their eyes remained locked on each other, not daring to look at their audience of observers. This time, when Derek pulled Addison up after dipping her, he made his move and pressed his lips against hers. Her lips instantly parted and their tongues began the dance that their bodies had done just moments before. They were interrupted by thunderous applause from their fellow classmates and their instructor.

"That, amigos, is the tango!" Elena announced proudly.

* * *

Physically aching, but also energized, Addison and Derek lingered at the bar after the class was over. They sat close enough for their knees to touch, but neither of them moved away from each other. They quietly discussed Natalie, work, and their lives while munching on tapas made of chorizo.

Elena approached them, carrying an opened bottle of wine and two glasses. "Amigos, this is for playing along with me." She set them down on the bar in front of Derek and Addison.

Addison laughed. "Oh… Well, thank you."

"De nada. It is nice to see a married couple that is still in love."

Addison couldn't bring herself to look at Derek, so she just nodded at Elena and quietly thanked her again.

"So… I guess we've still got it, five years post-divorce." Derek said with a nervous laugh, pouring the wine into the glasses.

"Apparently we do."

Derek raised his glass slightly. "Should we, uh, have a toast?"

Addison followed suit. "Yeah… How about um… To our beautiful daughter."

Derek grinned, thinking about their child. "Yes, to Natalie."

They softly clinked the glasses together and drank. They enjoyed each other's silent company for several moments until there was a familiar voice and the clucking of a tongue behind them.

"Well, well, well…"

They both knew who it was without turning around from the bar, but they did anyway, both with pained expressions on their faces. The strikingly beautiful and petite raven-haired woman in front of them smirked and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well, if it isn't the infamous 'perfect' couple… Derek and Addison." The woman clasped her hands to her chest mockingly. "Together again…"

"Hi, Avery." Derek muttered to the woman through clenched teeth.

"Aren't you going to kiss me hello, Der?"


	9. Chapter 9

_If I were going to give this chapter a real title, I'd call it, "The Parade of Visitors from Hell." Hehe. ;) All of the visitors from hell will be making further appearances in the fic. This is kind of just bringing them onto the scene, so if there's someone you want to see more interaction with, no worries. It's coming ;) I hope this doesn't seem too rushed. It's kind of transitional, so I'm afraid it might. Okay, I'll shut up with my insecurity now._

* * *

Derek reluctantly gave his youngest sister a half-hearted kiss on the cheek. "What brings you here, Avery?"

"I feel like _I _should be asking that question. I live here. As far as I know, you don't."

"No. I don't."

"I haven't seen or heard from you since Mom's funeral." Avery crossed her arms. "Is that any way to treat family?"

"I don't tend to stay in touch with people I can't stand."

In addition to being Derek's youngest sister, Avery was also his (and Addison's) least favorite. Avery had disliked Addison from the moment Derek brought her home. She hated that Addison could traipse around in designer clothes while she had to go through her difficult teen years being made fun of for wearing her sisters' clothes that were out of fashion. Though Addison had never flaunted or even mentioned her financial situation, Avery resented that she, her mom, and her siblings had to work their asses off to try to pay for medical school when Addison could coast through on her parents' dime.

Like Derek's other sisters, Avery was a doctor - an anesthesiologist. Avery had always said that she chose anesthesiology because she worked better with people who were either unconscious or who she could knock out with drugs if they got on her nerves.

In spite of Avery's blatant contempt toward her, Addison had tried her best to get along with Avery, but she hadn't been fond of her since she found out that the young Shepherd daughter had slept with her brother on her and Derek's wedding night when Avery was only 19. Derek wasn't fond of the fact that Avery had seduced Mark on her 18th birthday, though he'd known that Mark obviously wasn't completely innocent in the matter.

And Avery's reputation only got worse from there. She was the only person Derek knew who could make Mark look virginal.

"So if you don't live here, Der, what _are _you doing here?"

"What does it look like?" Derek gestured to Addison. "I'm having drinks with a friend who _does _live here."

A smirk spread across Avery's face. "Aha! So this is like a friends with benefits thing. You get divorced because you can't deal with each other, but somehow, the sex is so good that you fly almost 3,000 miles here and there to visit and fuck your ex?"

Addison finally opened her mouth, ready to stand up to Avery, but Derek placed his hand over hers. "Why yes, Avery, that's exactly right. And you are just jealous that Addison's wild sexual skills are far superior to yours, and that no man has ever found you interesting enough to bother with for more than one night. Where is your flavor of the night, anyway?"

Avery's jaw fell open, then she quickly recovered with a laugh. "Well, well, big brother. It looks like you've finally grown a backbone. I guess recovering from your wife screwing around on you would do that for you."

Addison could feel Derek tense, so she decided to play along with his explanation to Avery. She slid her hand up his inner thigh, causing him to jump a little under her touch. She leaned her lips close to his ear and whispered.

"Come on, baby, let's forget her and get out of here. Addie's hungry for more Captain Derek."

Leaving Avery open-mouthed in shock, Addison pulled Derek's arm until he stood up, and sauntered out of the bar with her hand draped low around his hips, her fingertips barely grazing his rear.

"Wow, did you see her face?" Derek chuckled once they were outside. "That was awesome."

"You realize she's going to tell Nancy she saw us, right?" Addison pointed out.

Derek opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. He looked at it and, with a groan, held it out for Addison's inspection. "I think she just did. What do I do?"

"Just answer it. There's no use in hiding from Nancy. She has amazing stalker abilities, and she _will _find you."

"You have a point there." Derek sighed and answered the phone.

As he and Addison walked back to her house, he endured being blasted on the phone by his slightly younger sister for not calling for months and for not letting her know he was in town. He didn't get a word in edgewise for five minutes, until Nancy invited him and Addison to lunch and paused to allow him to answer. He carefully muted the phone and asked Addison's opinion on the matter.

"We'd have to bring Natalie…" Addison said slowly. "Do you think that'd be a good idea?"

"I think.. She should get to meet her niece, even if she doesn't know it's her niece until later…" Derek said thoughtfully.

"Whatever you think is okay with me."

Derek unmuted his phone. They'd reached Addison's doorstep by then, and they stood outside on the porch, huddling together subconsciously for warmth.

"Yeah, we'll meet you there tomorrow at noon… Addison's daughter is coming with us." Derek paused as Nancy said something on the other end. "Um, yeah. Addison was… Artificially inseminated a few years ago."

Addison rolled her eyes at the lameness of Derek's lie. He quickly excused himself to avoid any further questions and got off the phone.

"Sorry about that."

"Well…" Addison awkwardly put a hand on her doorknob. "I'll see you later, I guess."

"Wait!" Derek frowned. "What about being hungry for Captain Derek?"

Addison tipped her head back slightly in a laugh. "Really, Derek? That was just to get us out of there."

Derek's face fell. "It was?"

"I didn't have sex with you on our first first date, so what makes you think I am going to on this first date?" Addison asked.

"Well…" Derek scratched his chin in thought. "You did have sex with me on our second date, so do you wanna go out tomorrow?"

An impish grin spread across Derek's face as Addison rolled her eyes. "Goodnight, Derek."

Derek captured her lips briefly with his. "Goodnight, Ad."

* * *

Before meeting Nancy at the little sandwich shop they had decided on the next afternoon, Derek briefed her on how she should not mention to Natalie that he and Addison were married because Natalie didn't know that her mother ever had a husband. Nancy was reluctant to participate in the lie, but she agreed to for Derek's sake. Derek introduced Natalie to Nancy as his sister; and, ironically and more truthfully than Natalie realized, Addison introduced her as "Aunt Nancy."

"Were you and Mommy friends in medical school like Uncle Derek and Mommy were?" Natalie asked, taking a long drink of her lemonade.

"Well, not quite that close." Nancy snorted, earning a glare from Derek. "Your mom was my resident for a while when I was an intern."

"So, you guys spent lots of time together?"

"Oh, sure… Birthdays, holidays…" Nancy glared back at Derek.

Derek had noticed throughout the meal that Nancy was studying Natalie closely - a little too closely for his comfort.

"Mommy, can I go look at the fishies?" Natalie asked hopefully, pointing to the bright saltwater aquarium in the corner of the restaurant.

Addison nodded. "Yes, honey, but don't go anywhere else." Natalie gave her mom a peck on the cheek and happily took off for the fish tank.

"Liars!" Nancy hissed, once Natalie was out of earshot. "She's yours, isn't she, Derek?!"

"W-what makes you think that?" Derek stammered.

"Please!" Nancy exclaimed. "She has the Shepherd eyes and nose, she looks like the Addie/Derek combo dream child I always thought your kid would look like, and she has our grandmother's name!"

Derek reached across the table and clasped Nancy's hand in a firm warning. "Yes, she's mine, but keep your voice down! She doesn't know I'm her father yet!"

Nancy sat back in her chair and crossed her arms. "So, was the part about Addison being inseminated true? Did you really make love to a plastic cup and loan her your man chowder, or was the kid conceived the good old fashioned sweaty way?"

"The good old fashioned sweaty way." Addison mumbled.

"Then how could you not tell me?" Nancy demanded of Derek. "And how does Natalie not know?"

"Addison only told me about her recently…" Derek trailed off, casting a side glance at his ex.

"Oh, Addie…" Nancy frowned. "How could you do that? How could you..."

"I've forgiven her, Nance, so you should too." Derek broke in.

"Of course I'll forgive her!" Nancy defended herself. "If you'll remember, I was the first to forgive her after the… Incident. But still, it's just so…"

"Awful." Addison muttered. "I know."

"Shut up, both of you." Derek whispered. "She's coming back."

Nancy watched her niece skip back to the table. "You two have a lot of explaining to do later…"

Addison had never been so grateful for the interrupting beep of a pager as she was for Nancy's that day. She felt like she should send flowers the laboring pregnant woman who saved her and Derek from answering any awkward questions that Nancy might have asked.

Little did Addison know that the awkwardness was just beginning.

* * *

The awkwardness got worse when Natalie opened their front door that evening to find a very chiseled, graying man with an enchanting smile and a mysterious twinkle in his eye.

"Who are you?" Natalie asked, staring at his handsome features in awe.

"I'm Mark."

"Oooo… You're pretty, Mark." Natalie giggled, a bright pink blush filling her cheeks. "Are you here to play dolls with me?"

"What?!" Mark's jaw dropped slightly. "No, no, I am definitely not here to play with any kind of doll. I am here to see your mother and your father."

Natalie frowned. "I don't have a father."

Mark's face turned confused. "What do you mean you don't have a father?"

"Just don't." Natalie said sadly. "Do you have any children?"

"Not that I know of, kid." Mark, not knowing Addison and Derek's plan, was still confused by Natalie saying she was fatherless.

Natalie's nose crinkled. "How would you not know?"

"Oh, innocence…" Mark laughed heartily and patted Natalie on the head more like a puppy than a human being, but she didn't seem to mind. She grinned up at him and batted her eyes.

"Natalie!" Addison's voice was scolding. "How many times do I have tell you not to open the door for strang--"

Addison stopped dead in her tracks when she realized that her ex-lover was standing at the door. He looked older than she remembered, but was every bit as sexy. "Oh my God! Seriously?! What the HELL are YOU doing here?"

Natalie's eyes widened. "You said a bad word!"

"Get upstairs, Natalie." Addison ordered a little more harshly than she intended to. Natalie pouted, but trudged up the stairs as her mother said. Addison watched her go, then turned back to Mark. "I'll ask you again. What the hell are you doing here?"

"I uh, came to get my bike back?"

"I had your bike shipped to you three years ago." Addison reminded him tersely.

"Oh. Right. Well, I'm here for a medical conference." Mark dug his name badge out of his suit jacket and flashed it at Addison. It did say his name and "American College of Plastic Surgeons Winter Conference."

"It says there that the conference is at Princeton University, so that still doesn't explain why you're in Manhattan."

"Eh, it's just a few minutes down the road."

"An hour, minimum." Addison crossed her arms. "Or did you forget that I did my undergrad there?"

"Oh. Yeah, I did."

"How did you figure out where I live?"

Mark made himself comfortable on Addison's couch. "This thing that was invented over a decade ago. They call it Google. Relax, Ads. I'm an almost-married man. I'm not here to seduce you."

"Really?" Addison stared at him in shock before giving in and taking a seat next to him on the couch. "You and Callie?"

"Yeah." Mark's grin was goofy. "She tamed the wild beast. She is one kinky lady. You would not _believe_ some of the stuff we've done in bed. Like the time she…"

Addison clamped a hand over his mouth. "Okay, I get it. Keep it to yourself. There's a child in the house, and I don't want her ears to melt off."

Once Addison released her grip on his mouth, Mark spoke again. "Anyway, I'm really here to check on you and Derek. I heard you guys were screwing and dating again, and…"

"Ughhh." Addison groaned. "He told you about that?"

"Yeah. Men are just as bad as women about gossiping. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you know what you're getting into."

"What do you mean by that?"

Natalie interrupted them by prancing back down the stairs, clad in a shiny baby blue ballgown that very closely resembled Cinderella's. Her hair was piled on her head and topped with a silver rhinestone-studded tiara. She had two smears of inexperienced eyeshadow application across her eyelids, two round smudges of blush, and a thick coating of her sparkly vanilla cupcake lipgloss on her lips.

Addison stared at her daughter, perplexed. "Why are you wearing your Halloween costume?"

Natalie ignored her mother and stopped in front of Mark. "Do I look pretty, Mark?"

"Um… Yes, you look nice."

Natalie grinned. "Why, thank you! I drew you this!"

Natalie brought out the piece of pink construction paper she was carrying from behind her back. Mark took it from her and turned it every which way, trying to determine what the colorful crayon scribbles represented.

"I, uh… Thanks, Natalie." Mark finally said. "It's a great picture of a dog at the beach."

Natalie's lower lip jutted out. "It's not a dog at the beach! It's you and me at the beach!

"Oh, I see now." Mark blinked several times. "Why is there a big red heart drawn around us?"

Natalie giggled and gave him a flirty wink. She blew him a kiss. Mark's eyes widened as he watched her take off up the stairs again in a fit of giggles, thinking that the last thing he needed was for Derek's daughter to have a crush on him. Addison covered her face with her hands and shook her head.

"No, no, no… Shit! Seriously?!" Addison moaned. "My daughter can't think you're hot. That's just… So wrong…"

"Like mother like daughter, I guess." Mark smirked, folding up the picture to tuck into his pocket.

"Shut up. Now, what is it that I am getting myself into?" Addison demanded.

"Well..." Mark sighed, and his face turned serious again. "I loved you at one time, Addison, and I still think of you both as friends… So, I feel like you need the facts because I know Derek's not going to give them to you. There are some things you need to know about Derek's life now."

"Like what?" Addison placed her hands on her hips, annoyed.

"Like that he can never perform surgery again."


	10. Chapter 10

"Mark, what the hell are you talking about?" Addison demanded. "That's ridiculous. What do you mean he can't perform surgery?"

Mark swallowed hard. "He's going blind, Addie. He has advanced glaucoma."

Addison felt her stomach drop, and she unknowingly began to chew on her bottom lip. Tears suddenly stung at her eyes as she looked at Mark in shock. "No… No. I would be able to tell if he were going blind. He seems fine."

"He's very, very good at hiding it." Mark shook his head sadly. "He… He almost killed a little boy while removing a tumor before we figured it out."

"Oh my God."

"I had to be the one to take his scalpel away, and it was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do." Mark stared off into space, remembering. "That's why it was so easy for him to fly out here at a moment's notice for however long he needed to. He can't operate."

"I bet he didn't take it well… Having you take surgery away from him, of all people."

"Actually, he was sort of relieved… He said he would have never had the courage to put down the scalpel himself, so it was easier to have me take it from him."

Addison's voice turned angry. "He's a doctor, for God's sake! How could he have let it get so bad before he got help?"

Mark slowly looped an arm around Addison's shoulders and gave her a gentle squeeze, attempting to calm her.

"After you left and he and Meredith broke up, he threw himself into his work… I mean, more than ever before." Mark explained. "He sometimes wouldn't go home for a week and a half or longer. He thought that some of the signs were just from exhaustion. By the time he thought to have it checked out… It was too late to save his sight. They're treating it to slow the progression, but…"

"What does he do then, at work?" Addison asked, concerned.

"He consults, teaches, teams up with surgeons who will perform surgery… But never actually holds the scalpel himself. He still manages the neurosurgery department."

"He must hate that." Addison whispered.

Mark nodded slowly. "Of course he does…"

"I've never known him as anything but a surgeon… Or one in training, at least."

"I know…"

"How progressed is it?"

"He has tunnel vision…"

"Oh my God. Soon he won't be able to read CTs or anything! How can he be a doctor at all?" Addison leaned back and rubbed her forehead. "You know, surgery always came between us and our marriage, but I would have _never_ wished this on him. Surgery is who he is."

"Well, now, he needs to redefine who he is, and I think he is trying to do that through you and Natalie…" Mark sighed. "I'm afraid that he is jumping into fixing his relationship with you because he doesn't have surgery anymore. As angry as he was when you told him you two had a daughter, he also seemed glad to have something in his life besides medicine."

"So you think it's a bad thing that he's trying to fix things with me?"

"I'm not saying that, necessarily. I'm saying you both need to be careful. He's trying to fill a void, and you need to be aware of that… And he also may be looking for someone to, you know, take care of him."

"This can't be happening. It just can't." Addison leaned forward, resting her face in her hands.

Mark could see her shoulders shaking as she finally allowed herself to sob. Mark gently traced circles on her back, having learned during the downfall of her relationship with Derek that it was the best way to comfort her. Her heavy sobs slowed, and eventually reduced to whimpers. They didn't speak. Wordlessly, they mourned the loss of their best friend's identity.

Their shared silence was interrupted by the beeping of Addison's pager. With a sniffle, she unclipped it from her pants and looked at it.

"Damn it… It's this preemie… I've been having trouble keeping him stable. I'll have to drop Natalie at the daycare."

"I can watch her for you." Mark offered, before he realized what he was doing.

Addison arched a brow as she desperately tried to wipe her eyes and make herself look presentable again. "Really."

"I _am_ a surgeon." Mark defended himself. "People trust me with their li-- Well, their faces, tits, and asses. I think I can handle a few hours with a kid."

"If you sure…" Addison hesitated as she walked over to an end table picked up her car keys.

"I'm positive."

"Don't tell her about Derek being her father." Addison's voice was hushed. "It's a long story, but we decided to wait and…"

"Got it."

"Bedtime is 8."

"Got it."

"She's allergic to peanuts."

"Got it."

"Make sure she puts on long pajamas. She'll freeze if she wea--"

"Addison." Mark's voice was gentle. "Go save the baby. We'll be fine."

* * *

"We're going to have a tea party!" Natalie announced proudly.

Mark had wondered what his friends' daughter was doing when she had locked herself in her room soon after her mother left, telling him that he couldn't come in until she had things ready. She had organized quite a tea party for them on the floor. She'd spread out a blanket covered in ponies and set pink plastic tea cups, plates, and forks out for them.

"Uh…" Mark scratched his head. "This looks really nice and all, but see… I'm really more of a scotch drinker."

"What's scotch?" Natalie tilted her head.

Mark waved his hand dismissively. "Never mind."

"It's okay; I can get you some scotch!" Natalie grabbed another plastic teapot, pretended to fill it with a liquid, and poured some air into Mark's pink teacup. "There, some scotch for you!"

Mark laughed. "Thanks."

"Sit!"

Mark folded his long legs beneath him and sat on the floor across from Natalie at what he assumed was his spot at the tea party.

"Tell me about you!" Natalie asked, blowing across the top of her "tea" to cool it down.

"Uh…" Mark stared down into his tea cup, wondering what he was supposed to do with it, then looked back up at Natalie. "I'm a doctor, like your mom."

"Do doctors have any friends who aren't doctors?" Natalie wondered.

"Not really, kid. There aren't many people who aren't doctors who are willing to deal with people who are."

"You're not drinking your scotch." Natalie frowned.

"Oh. Right." Mark put the tea cup up to his lips and pretended to sip from it. "Yum. Very good year."

"Do you know my daddy too?" Natalie's voice was hopeful.

Mark realized that he had to tread carefully. "Your dad was my best friend growing up."

"Tell me about him! Oh, and don't forget to have a scone!"

Mark's eyes scanned the imaginary food spread, wondering where the hell the "scones" were. He reached for one of the empty plates and pretended to pick up a scone. "This looks like a delicious scone."

Natalie giggled. "Silly! Those are the cookies!"

Mark looked at the "cookie" he had formed his hand around. "Of course. Well, I'll have a cookie first."

"Okay, sure! Tell me a story about you and my dad."

Mark thought for a moment, then laughed at the memory he was about to share. "Okay. One time, your aunt was having a sleepover with some friends, and your dad and I filled up these condo--er…balloons. Yes, balloons... With water, and we threw them at the girls while they were asleep."

Natalie's brow furrowed. "That wasn't very nice."

"I know." Mark agreed, "biting" into his "cookie." "But God, it was fun!"

"Tell me a nicer story."

Mark thought for a moment. "How about one about your mom and your dad?"

Natalie brightened. "I'd love that!"

Mark decided to tell a story from early in the Shepherd marriage, when they were still crazy in love and nauseated everyone around them with their inside jokes, loving glances, and public displays of affection.

As he told the story, Mark wondered how their marriage could have ever gotten to the point that it did, considering how perfect the start of it had been.

He described for Natalie how Addison had to fly to Paris for a conference for a week, and how Derek had missed her so much that he had purchased a plane ticket and flown there without telling her. When she returned from the conference, she found him in her hotel room, which he had filled with dozens of red roses. When Addison wasn't attending lectures, they'd spent the remainder of the week enjoying the romance of the city.

"Wow! He must have loved her a lot." Natalie sighed dreamily.

"Well… Your mom is a lovable woman." Mark smiled sadly, briefly thinking of what could have been between them, then he leaned over to ruffle Natalie's hair.

* * *

When Addison returned, she found Mark sitting up on her couch with his head leaning back and his eyes closed. Natalie was curled up in her Tinkerbell pajama shirt and pant set on his lap, sound asleep. Addison smiled observed the cute, surprising scene in front of her for a few moments before gently shaking Mark's shoulder. Mark woke with a start.

"Oh. Hey."

"Hey."

"I'll carry her to bed for you." Mark said with a yawn.

Before Addison could respond, he gently scooped Natalie into his arms and, holding her close to his chest, slowly stood and walked up the stairs with her. Natalie was a sound sleeper, and didn't even stir at the movement. Addison followed behind him silently, watching as he carefully laid her on her bed, tucked a blanket around her, and wedged her stuffed rabbit into her arms.

"Not bad." Addison murmured as they walked back down the stairs.

"I have to admit that when I was looking at her tonight, I couldn't help but wonder what our kid would have looked like, if you'd…" Mark looked down. He cleared his throat, and decided to break the tension. "I'm sorry, but she would have been cuter than Natalie because I am definitely hotter than Derek."

He was grinning, and Addison pushed him playfully. Then, her face turned serious.

"I think, if I had known what it was like to be a mother… I would have never done it. I would have realized that it wasn't about you and me and what we did or didn't have, but about forming the bond with the child… And I know if I'd had him or her, I would have. Just like I've had a bond of Natalie regardless of my relationship with Derek."

"Does Derek know about…?"

Addison shook her head. "No. He doesn't. Maybe someday. But part of me thinks that was a chapter in our life, as in yours and mine, and it may not be worth dragging him into."

Mark nodded his agreement. "You're probably right."

"You can sleep on the couch, if you want…" Addison offered. "I didn't mean to get back so late... The baby is stable again, for now."

"Nah, that's okay." Mark picked up his jacket from the couch he had abandoned it on. "It's not that far to New Jersey."

"Thank you for watching her. You were a lifesaver."

"She's great. I could get used to kids." Mark smiled slightly, pulling his jacket on. "Callie wants kids… Maybe we'll have some little hotties."

"I do want you to be happy, Mark." Addison touched his shoulder lightly. "And I hope that you and Callie will be happy together."

Mark grinned. "We are. Thanks. I hope you'll be happy too… Maybe you and Derek can finally work it out."

Addison's smile was wistful. "We'll see."

"Oooh, by the way. I fed your kid potato chips, ketchup, and Oreos for dinner. You didn't have any frozen entrees, and you know I don't cook, so… Sorry about that."

Addison rolled her eyes. "I'm sure once won't kill her."

They embraced, and Mark gave her a light kiss on the cheek. "Bye, Addie."

"Bye, Mark."

Addison watched as Mark headed to the street and climbed into his rented BMW, thinking of how insane it was that such a brief visit had changed her life, and everything that she thought she knew about Derek Christopher Shepherd since their divorce, completely.

* * *

_I am now hiding in a bunker from any objects that you people want to throw at me for blinding Derek. I know one reviewer is already ticked because I gave her a little preview, so here's my reasoning. _

_I felt like they were too happy. I felt like I needed a reason why he would be so interested in getting back with Addison after all that has happened. It seemed like it was too easy. I felt like I needed a reason why he could just take off work like that. I needed a dose of angst. _

_I think it's kind of hard to have a good story without challenges and conflicts. I got the random idea of him not being able to perform surgery, and I toyed with several ideas for why he wouldn't be able to… But I think this one is going to make the best story. I don't think it's something I've seen in fic before (though I'm sure it exists), so I feel like that makes it a good chance for me to do something a little different. _

_Bear with me! :)__ Reviews are loved, just put the torches down first, please... :)_


	11. Chapter 11

A knock at the door brought Addison downstairs the next morning. After the parade of visitors she'd experienced lately, she was almost afraid to see who it was. Her blue eye rested against the peephole, and she saw her ex-husband standing on her doorstep. She was in her bathrobe with uncombed hair, but she answered the door anyway. After all, he'd seen her hundreds of times looking much worse and wearing much less.

"Hey there." Addison leaned against the door as she held it open. "I wasn't expecting you so early."

"I come bearing breakfast." Derek held out a large paper bag.

"It's not trout, is it?" Addison looked warily at the bag.

Derek let out a low chuckle. "No. It's not trout or lox or any other fish. It's your favorite breakfast."

Without opening the bag, Addison knew what was in it. It had to be French toast with granola baked into it, from their favorite diner. Though she had taken Natalie to the restaurant many times, she hadn't had the dish since the divorce. Silly as she felt, she couldn't order it without Derek there with her.

Countless times, Addison and Derek had stumbled into the little diner bleary-eyed from all-night study sessions. The owner, Ruth, a pleasantly-plump and grandmotherly Southern woman, always welcomed them with open arms and mugs of fresh hot coffee. Early in Addison and Derek's dating days, Ruth had once bet Derek that he couldn't keep his hands off of Addison for ten minutes… And he lost.

She'd enjoyed watching their relationship blossom over the years. When they were out of school, they visited the diner as often as possible on weekend mornings they both had off, either eating there or carrying out to eat at home in bed. They even ate there together the morning of their wedding, and were scolded by Ruth for seeing each other before the wedding and inviting bad luck. As Addison had talked with her divorce lawyer 11 years later, she had thought that maybe Ruth was right.

"I didn't know what Natalie would like, so I got her pancakes." Derek said.

"Well, Natalie loves pancakes, but she's at ice skating right now." Addison walked into the kitchen and to the breakfast bar with Derek following close behind her.

"Aw, that's too bad." Derek said, but his tone of voice suggested that it wasn't really "too bad" and that he wouldn't mind the time alone with Addison.

Addison watched Derek carefully as he pulled the boxes out of the paper bag and got plates out of her cabinet, trying to see if there was any indication that he had trouble seeing what he was doing. Nothing. Not a squint or anything.

Derek lifted the styrofoam lid of one box to reveal her French toast, which was topped with a heart made of carefully arranged sliced strawberries. Addison smiled at Ruth's apparent attempt at matchmaking. Ruth had been so happy to see Addison back in Manhattan, thrilled to meet Natalie (who Addison admitted was Derek's daughter), and thoroughly disappointed that she'd been unable to work things out with Derek.

"I bet Ruth was happy to see you." Addison commented.

"Oh yeah, we had a great chat. She seems to love Natalie."

Addison laughed. "Oh yes. She puts extra chocolate chips in her pancakes every time."

Derek opened his own box which contained, as Addison had suspected, a western omelet. As he transferred their food from the boxes to plates and poured orange juice for each of them, she wondered how it was possible for him to keep the façade of having perfect vision up constantly.

Addison cleared her throat, ready to bring up his condition. "I'm glad you're here, because there's something important I'd like to talk to you about."

Derek shook his head. "Food first. Important talk later."

With the idea of important conversation off the table, Addison and Derek made polite conversation about the weather, the news, and their daughter. Somewhere between the first piece of French toast and the second, Derek's hands were all over Addison's body and his lips were on hers. Maybe it was the familiar food, or that they were doing something that they had done for years when they were married. Addison didn't know, and before she could figure it out how they'd gotten to the point of making out, she was leading him upstairs to their bedroom.

Something she'd always pretended to hate about Derek, but secretly loved, was that the man had always seemed to be able to make her clothes fall off with no trouble at all. He pushed her down on the bed and eased her robe off of her body. He pulled the blankets up to keep them warm, and covered her body with his. Addison shivered as his hands traced her inner thighs, and his lips worked their way down her neck. His shirt and pants were tossed carelessly to the floor. His lips went between her breasts, his hands running up and down her sides. Derek groaned as Addison's hand made contact with the bulge in his boxers. He moved his face back up to hers.

"Addie…" Derek mumbled into her hair.

"Natalie." Addison gasped suddenly, releasing her grip on him.

"That's not really the name I'd hoped you'd be screaming." Derek said with a smirk.

"No! I mean…" Addison pointed over Derek's shoulder. Derek's eyes followed her gaze, and he abruptly pulled away from her.

"Mommy?…" Natalie was standing timidly in the doorway, a shocked look on her face.

"What… What are you doing home so early?" Addison discreetly and expertly pulled her robe back on under the covers.

It wasn't the first time she and Derek had been caught in the act. Hell, it wasn't the first time she and Derek had been caught in the act by a _child_ (the peds ward had been a bad place for one of their trysts as interns, they'd found out the hard way), but this was their _daughter_ who might be scarred for life now. Addison was very thankful that Derek's state of undress still left him with an undershirt and boxers, and that he had covered his arousal with a bed pillow. But she knew they were caught; one thing Natalie could never be called was stupid.

"My coach got sick. And you were going to _screw_!" Natalie realized, wide-eyed.

"Natalie Faith Montgomery!" Addison made a mental note to cancel cable. The tone of voice that Addison took with Natalie was one that Derek had heard her use many times with her interns, plenty of times with him, even more with Mark, but never with their daughter. "Young lady, you know that is not acceptable language in this house."

"But you and Uncle Derek aren't married, and you said only married people have sex!"

Even with the awkwardness of the situation, Derek couldn't manage to hold in his snickering. Addison sighed. Given her profession, and Natalie's curiosity about where the babies her mother worked on came from, Addison had told Natalie about sex and conception many years before she would have ever wanted to. Of course, she had fudged some details, like the part about married people that was coming back to haunt her.

"Der, it's over…" Addison shook her head, climbing out of the bed with her robe wrapped around her tightly. "It's time to tell the truth."

"Yes, it is." Derek agreed, picking his clothes up off the floor and quickly pulling them on.

"Natalie…" Addison knelt on the floor beside Natalie. Derek and I, we used to be married. But we got divorced." Addison took a deep breath. "And honey, Derek… Derek is your dad."

"Is it my fault, that you got divorced, then?" Natalie said, her eyes brimming with tears. "Did you not want me?"

"No!" Derek said quickly. "We were divorced before you ever came along."

Natalie stared at her feet. "I don't understand."

"It's complicated, baby…" Addison repeated the words that she had said when Natalie first asked about her father.

"Did you get divorced because you didn't love each other anymore?" Natalie's eyes didn't leave the ground.

Derek joined Addison at eye level with their daughter. "Not exactly, Natalie… We… We forgot how to show that we loved each other. We forgot to appreciate each other."

Natalie finally looked up at her father. "How do you forget something like that?"

Derek was taken aback by the fact that his first grader frequently seemed to have a better understanding of the world and how things should be than he did. He took Addison's hand gently in his and gave it a light squeeze. "I don't know, sweetie… Selfishness, I guess."

He was speaking more to Addison than Natalie. Addison sighed, keeping her eyes from meeting his by fixing them on Natalie. She knew that if she looked at him, she might break down, and she couldn't let Natalie see that.

"Why did you not come see me ever before?"

Derek looked at Addison, and she took a deep breath. "I didn't tell him about you until just before he came to visit. You see, I didn't want you to get hurt because Derek and I had such a hard relationship, and…"

"You lied to me." Natalie's stare turned accusingly to her mother. "You said he was your friend!"

"Well, he is…" Addison replied lamely, lacking an excuse for her actions.

"You lied to him, too! You said that we should always be honest with each other! You're just a big fat liar!"

Natalie's words pierced Addison's heart because they were true.

"Natalie…" Derek's voice was gentle.

"No! Shut up! You are a liar, too! You should have told me! I wanted you to be my dad!" Tears flowed freely down Natalie's cheeks. "You were nice to me! We had fun together. I wanted you to be my dad, but now you are, and I don't want you to be because I can't trust you! I'll never trust either of you ever again!"

Natalie's sobs grew louder. Addison reached out to touch her arm, but Natalie yanked it away, turning and storming off to her room. The slam of the door came seconds later.

"Now what?" Derek crossed his arms, looking at Addison.

"Now… We let her cool down. Then, we try to talk to her, help her understand."

"How can I help _her_ understand when I don't understand myself?"

Addison didn't have an answer for that.

* * *

They gave Natalie ten minutes alone in her room before deciding to intervene. Natalie was always a very tidy child, which made Addison's job as a mother far easier. All of Natalie's belongings had their places, which was why Addison was immediately concerned when they entered her room.

There was an empty spot on her dresser where her piggy bank was usually perched. Her pink overnight bag was not hanging from its spot on her closet doorknob. The neatly-made bed was without Natalie's favorite stuffed animal and her pillow. But, the biggest thing missing was Natalie.

Derek quickly jumped forward and caught Addison when he noticed her knees buckling beneath her. He held her tightly against him, feeling the shallow gasps of her panicked breathing.

"She's… She's gone!"


	12. Chapter 12

"Maybe she's still in the house." Derek suggested hopefully, steadying Addison back onto her feet.

"Maybe…" Addison's voice was doubtful, but she bolted down the stairs, screaming out Natalie's name.

She felt a cold chill run up her spine when she found the first floor empty, and the only sound she heard was a confused meow from Miss Prissy. The front door was slightly ajar, and Addison grabbed her coat off its hook and burst through it, Derek on her heels.

The cold air blasted her face and she shivered. It was probably ten degrees outside. She had no idea if Natalie had put on a coat. She worried that her daughter could be freezing, or hungry, or worse. Her cool blue eyes looked left and right up the sidewalk, trying to figure out which way to go.

"Where are we going?" Derek finally asked.

"I don't know, but we have to look for her!" Addison's voice was frantic and tears were streaming down her face. She decided to go left down the sidewalk.

"I'm calling the police." Derek announced.

"I'll call Savvy and see if she's heard from her."

Their faces were grim when they hung up their phones. The police told Derek that they would do everything that they could to find Natalie, and they took some information from him. As busy as the NYPD was, Derek wasn't convinced. He figured they must have stacks of files of missing children on their desks.

"We can look for her ourselves." Derek said, trying to think positively. "Can you think of anywhere she might go if she's upset?"

Addison stopped in her tracks. "That statue. The one of Alice. Sometimes, she likes to go there when we're at the park. She says she likes to think there."

Derek nodded, and put his hand on Addison's back to guide her in the direction of the park. "Let's go."

* * *

As she shuffled down a path through the park, coat drawn tightly around her, Addison lit a cigarette and put it to her lips, hoping to calm her nerves. With a glare, Derek reached over, whipped it out of her mouth, and stomped on it.

"What the fuck, Derek?!" Addison shrieked. "I didn't let you tell me what to do when we were married, so I am sure as hell not letting you tell me what to do now that we're divorced. My nerves are shot to hell right now, and if I want to smoke a cigarette, I'm damn well going to smoke one."

With that, she defiantly pulled out another cigarette and lit it. Knowing better than to try to argue with her in that state of mind, Derek just shook his head and tried to ignore her frantic puffing as they moved through the park, looking for their daughter.

"You need to calm down, Addison." Derek said "We'll find her. You're going to give yourself a stroke."

"Don't you _dare_ tell me to calm down!" Addison shouted, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "This is my _child._ I don't know whether she's lost, or scared, or hurt… And she is the only child I will ever have!"

After the cigarette incident, Derek was even more irritable than he had been when they found out that their daughter was missing, and he felt like picking a fight.

"She's my child too, you know. And if you would have told her when I got here, this would have never happened. Why the hell did you want to keep it a secret?"

"I wanted her to like you because she _wanted_ to, not because she thought she had to!"

"Well, she did like me. Only now she hates me for lying… But this is your fault because you made me lie."

"Do you really want to bring this up again? Do you really want to talk about lies?" Addison stopped in her tracks, glaring hard at Derek. "Then how about _you_ man up and tell me how you're going fucking blind?"

The blood left Derek's face. "You know about that?"

"Mark came to see me yesterday… He was at a conference at Princeton… And he told me. How could _you_ not tell me?"

"How could _you_ not tell _me_ that we had a _kid_ for five years?"

"Oh, lay off that!" Addison shouted, causing a few people in the park to turn and stare at them. "We've fought that up and down; it's old news. Now I want to fight this."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really! Is that why you're 'dating' me and doing nice things for me? Because you want me to be your caretaker? I'm not a golden retriever, Derek. I don't want to be your seeing eye dog. I want…" Addison trailed off, realizing that she had no idea _what_ she wanted.

"I won't be able to see Natalie's prom date to look him in the eye and threaten his life if he tries anything with her. I'm not going to see Natalie looking beautiful on her wedding day. I'm not going to see what our grandchildren look like. I'm not even going to get to see her grow up to be a teenager. She's going to be a child eternally in my mind because I will never see her get any older than that." Derek swallowed hard, trying to fight the lump that was rising in his throat. "Isn't that punishment enough without you having to give me the third degree?"

Addison chewed on her lip, thinking about the implications of what Derek had said. She couldn't imagine being in his position and not being able to see the most important events of Natalie's life. The fact that Derek had to made her stomach hurt.

"Okay." Addison began. "Let's don't do this… We're upset, so let's just… Don't. We have to find Natalie, or we're not going to have to worry about any of that!"

They finally reached the statue, and Addison's heart sank when she realized that there were no children climbing on it. Addison sank down on one of the sculpted mushrooms that Alice was surrounded by and dropped her head into her hands, dissolving into tears. She was a failure as a mother.

"Hey…" Derek put a hand on her shoulder, softening. "We can't give up. We have to keep thinking about where she could have gone."

"I… I can't think of anywhere else!" Addison sobbed. Derek gently wiped the tears from her eyes.

Addison's Blackberry suddenly began to play "Under the Sea," which only made Addison's sobs grow louder. Natalie had gotten hold of her cell phone one day and programmed it to play her favorite Disney song. Addison didn't know how Natalie had figured it out, considering that Addison herself could barely figure out how to make a call from it.

"Addison Montgomery." Addison answered the phone through her sniffles, not even bothering to check the caller ID.

"Archer Montgomery. I have something that belongs to you." Archer's voice came through the phone. "It's about four feet tall, red hair, blue eyes, answers to the name of Natalie?"

"Oh, thank God!" Addison sighed with relief and wiped her eyes, looking at Derek. "Archer's got her." Derek's relief was apparent from the change in his facial expression.

"Don't freak out." Archer warned. "Notice that my voice is calm, so you should be calm… But…"

"But what?!"

"You need to meet us at Beth Israel." Archer named the hospital where he worked. "I've got Natalie in my car, and I am driving her there."

"Oh my God." Addison gasped. "What the hell happened to her?"

"She started having an asthma attack because she was upset when she was telling me what went down with you and Derek, and she forgot her inhaler." Archer explained. "The hospital's closer than going to your place to get it, so I decided to take her there to be safe. I don't think it's a really bad one. We'll be there in just a few."

"We're right behind you." Addison said, concern evident in her voice. "Arch? Take care of her, please?"

"Like you have to ask?" Archer replied. "Take it easy, Mama Bear. She's going to be fine. See you soon."

"We gave our daughter an asthma attack." Addison announced as she hung up the phone.

"How bad is her asthma?"

"She's had some bad attacks here and there, but it's fairly well-controlled."

"Does Archer still live in SoHo?"

"Yes."

Derek thought about how Addison and Natalie lived on the Upper East Side. "That's like the opposite side of the city."

"I know."

"There's no way in hell she _walked _that far."

"I don't even want to think about how she got there."

* * *

Red hair tipped Addison and Derek off quickly as to which curtain in the ER of Beth Israel their daughter was behind. Addison whipped the curtain back and saw Natalie holding a misting nebulizer between her lips and taking slow, deep breaths as Archer coached her. Addison sprinted over to her, relieved, but when Natalie saw her parents approaching, she turned her back to them and scowled. Addison sighed, tears pricking at her eyes. Seeing his sister's reaction, Archer went immediately to her side and pulled her into a tight, comforting hug, then kissed her cheek.

"Derek." Archer practically growled his former brother-in-law's name as he released Addison.

"Archer." Derek nodded a greeting and hung back, having been on the receiving end of Archer's fist more times than he cared to remember, and not wanting to risk adding another.

The last time they had seen each other was the Easter before Derek and Addison had split. Professionally, as a neurologist, Archer had always scorned Derek's eagerness to cut up brains when he preferred to explore the less invasive methods first; and, on a personal level, he had always thought that his sister was way out of Derek's league (of course, in Archer's eyes, very few people would have been good enough for his baby sister). Archer's opinion was that the only good thing Derek had done for Addison was being half of the conception of Natalie; but, Archer hardly thought that Derek deserved props for having an orgasm (and told Addison so on many occasions).

Archer was enamored with Natalie, the one person who could get Archer to drop his arrogant bullshit act. She reminded him of Addison at that age - intelligent, witty, and charming. He and Addison were very close growing up, especially as young children, when they banded together under the care of the nanny and other servants, helping each other through their parents' neglect of them in the pursuit of wealth and flashy material items. Despite Archer's reputation for being a snob and a playboy, he had always been a wonderful uncle, and, in Derek's unwitting absence, he was the closest thing Natalie had to a father figure.

"Is she okay?" Addison asked anxiously.

"The doctor says she should be fine after her breathing treatment." Archer gently patted Addison's shoulder.

"How did she get to you?" Derek asked.

"She took a cab." Archer responded.

"Are you kidding me?" Addison's eyes went wide. "What kind of person would take money from a child and drive her somewhere?!"

"In the cabbie's defense…" Archer cleared his throat. "Your daughter told him that she had gotten separated from the group on a school trip, and that she needed a ride home, then she gave him my address. He didn't charge her, but she insisted on giving him a quarter from her piggy bank."

Addison shook her head, but in spite of everything, she smiled a little. Her daughter was always concerned about everyone else. "Natalie, we need to talk, baby."

Archer realized his cue to leave. "Hey, Nat, I'm going to go pick you out some junk food from the gift shop. I'll be back in a bit, okay?"

"Don't leave me with them." Natalie pleaded, catching her uncle's arm.

"Natalie…" Archer sighed, placing his hands on his niece's shoulders. "They're your parents, and they love you. You have to listen to what they have to say."

After Archer slipped out of the curtained area, there was silence between the three. Addison didn't know how to begin.

"Well?" Natalie asked, clearly annoyed with her mother's presence.

"Grownups make mistakes." Addison sighed, sinking down onto the gurney beside Natalie. Derek sat down on the other side of their daughter.

"Like having me?" Natalie picked at her jeans and put the nebulizer back up to her mouth.

"No!" Addison put her hand to Natalie's cheek and moved her face up, forcing Natalie to look at her. "I'm not going to lie to you anymore. No, we didn't plan to have you. We didn't even think I could have children. But the best thing that we ever did together was create you."

Natalie pulled back from her breathing treatment, surprised. "Why didn't you think you could have children?"

"Right before I got pregnant with you, your Aunt Naomi did some tests on me, and those tests said I wouldn't be able to have any babies. But, here you are in spite of that, and that makes you a miracle… A miracle I would do anything to protect. Parents try their hardest to make the best decisions for their kids, and I thought that's what I was doing when I kept your dad away from you… But I chose wrong."

"Why would it ever be good to keep my dad away from me?" Natalie looked down.

"Your dad hurt me… He hurt me a lot. Work got in the way of our marriage, and he stopped being there for me. I didn't want that for you."

Derek avoided Addison's eyes, instead staring down at the sheets on Natalie's gurney.

"But I don't want you to think he's the only reason our marriage ended… I hurt him too…" Addison closed her eyes, pained by the memory of sleeping with Mark. "So much."

"Why?" Natalie asked.

"Because I was hurt and lonely and… Well, I was wrong there too." Addison exhaled slowly. "The point is, Natalie, that everyone makes mistakes. I am not perfect, and I will never expect you to be. We all do the best we can in life. Your dad forgave me, and I hope you will forgive me too… Then we can work on making your dad part of your life."

"But you live far away…" Natalie said to Derek, kicking her legs back and forth out in front of her.

Derek cleared his throat. "We'll figure something out. Now that I know I have a daughter, I want to be a good dad… If you'll let me."

"Of course I will." Natalie put down the breathing treatment, which had completed. "I was just mad at you."

"You scared us to death, Natalie." Addison scolded. "You have to promise never to do that again, okay?"

"Will you promise no more lies and secrets then?"

Addison looked at Derek, and he knew that was his cue to tell their daughter the truth about his medical condition. He nodded to Addison and took a deep breath.

"Before we can make that promise, Natalie, there's something else you need to know…" Derek looked down. "I have this disease, and it's called glaucoma."

Natalie's eyes widened with fear. "What is that? It sounds bad!"

"Well, honey… It means that I have trouble seeing… And soon, I won't be able to see anything at all." Derek frowned, his mind going again to all of the things he would miss in Natalie's life by not having one of his senses.

"Oh!" Natalie brightened. "Then we'll just get you some glasses! Whenever Mommy says she can't see, I just get her glasses for her, and then she sees everything fine."

Addison could feel her heart breaking, and imagined that Derek only felt worse. She reached behind their daughter and took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"It's… It's not like that, sweetheart." The sadness reached Derek's eyes. "Glasses can't fix it. Nothing can. I'm not going to be able to see anything, and the doctors can't do anything about it."

"Not even Mommy?" Natalie was incredulous. After all, it seemed to her that her mother could fix anything.

"No, baby…" Addison rubbed Natalie's back gently. "I can't…"

"Well…" Natalie thought for a minute, then got a determined look on her face. "Then I will be your eyes, Dad! I will see everything for you and tell you all about it. The school nurse says I have really good vision, and my teacher says I'm really good at describing things!"

After the word "dad" sent him reeling, Derek hardly heard the rest of what Natalie said. Dad. It was something he had always dreamed that someone would call him, but he was beginning to think that it would never happen for him. But there he sat, with his beautiful daughter, who called him Dad and wanted to be his eyes, to help take care of him. Derek realized that his daughter could not fully understand the magnitude of what he had said, smart as she was, but was thoroughly touched by the gesture.

"Thank you, Natalie." Derek blinked back tears. "I'd be honored to have you be my eyes."

"Can we have a sandwich now?" Natalie asked.

Addison ran her fingers through her daughter's hair. "You hungry, baby?"

"No…" Natalie shook her head vigorously. "On TV, moms and dads always hug their kids in between them and make a sandwich. I always wanted one, but never got one before because I didn't have a dad, but now I do… So, I wanna be a Natalie sandwich!"

"Oh." Addison laughed quietly, but her daughter's small wish made her heart ache for her and what she had missed by not having a father for nearly six years.

"Of course you can be a Natalie sandwich." Derek said with a chuckle.

"But not a peanut butter sandwich!" Natalie added quickly. "I'm allergic to peanuts."

"How about cheese?" Addison suggested.

Natalie brightened. "Yeah!"

Addison and Derek stood up and positioned themselves so that they were facing each other. Natalie hopped off the gurney, and Derek scooped her up. He put his free arm around Addison's waist and drew her toward them. She wrapped her arms around his back and together, they squeezed Natalie between them.

"I love you." Addison whispered in Natalie's ear.

"I love you." Derek said, but Addison noticed that he was looking not only at Natalie, but her.

"I love you both!" Natalie grinned.

There would be more questions from Natalie, Addison was sure, but those could wait for another time. It was the perfect moment. People who passed them and saw them through the mostly open curtain smiled, probably thinking that they were a perfect, loving little family.

And, just for a minute, Addison let herself pretend that they were.

_

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_Thank you for reading! Reviews are love. :) If you have anything you'd like to see, let me know. I know where I'm going in a couple of chapters, but I've got to think about where I am going in the next one... Ideas for what you'd like to see are great! :)_


	13. Chapter 13

_I don't know why this took me so long to write! It's a pretty fun, lighthearted chapter, but for some reason, my mind kept wandering to future chapters and I had to force myself to finish this one. Enjoy!_

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* * *

_

During the cab ride home from the hospital, Natalie was full of questions for her father, wanting to know everything that she could about his life and his family.

"Do I have a cousin?" Natalie asked hopefully.

"Actually, you have fourteen." Addison answered with a laugh.

"Wow!" Natalie's eyes widened.

"Eighteen." Derek corrected.

"What?" Addison's jaw dropped, wondering where the extra cousins had come from.

"Jenna has a daughter a little older than Natalie. Her name is Taryn."

Addison suddenly remembered that Derek's second to youngest sister, the pediatrician, had been pregnant during their divorce proceedings. "Oh, that's right… What about the others?"

"Lena had a boy a few months ago, whom she named after me." Derek's facial expression was smug.

"Lena?!" Addison exclaimed, surprised that Nancy's eldest was a mother. "But she's just a kid herself…"

"She's 22, Addie." Derek reminded her. "She got married last year."

"Oh. Right. And the other two?"

"Aaron's one-year-old twins." Derek named Kathleen's eldest son, an attorney just starting in his practice. "He married a young woman from Italy named Gabriella, and their kids are named Carina and Leo."

"You're a great-uncle." Addison's voice was dazed as she reeled from all of the new information.

"You're a great-aunt." Derek countered. Noticing the pained look that Addison gave him, he added. "You'll always be their aunt. You'll always be part of the family."

Natalie studied her mother closely. Whenever the divorce was brought up, Natalie had noticed that her mother had a certain look on her face. Guilt, like when Natalie had broken Addison's favorite necklace when she had specifically been told not to play with it. She wondered if there was more to their divorce that she didn't know about, but didn't bother to ask. After all, she would just be told that she would have to wait until she was older to understand.

"Things have changed a lot, huh?"

"Well, some things always stay the same." Derek laughed. "As you know, Avery is still a b-i-t-c-h."

Natalie rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'm _five_ years old, and I can spell, Dad. I know what you called Avery. Who is Avery?"

"Another one of your aunts." Derek explained. "She doesn't have any kids."

"Oh." Natalie wondered why her parents didn't like this woman.

Derek suddenly had an idea. "Hey, Addie, what if we got the family together so they can meet Natalie?"

"U-um… A-all of them?" Addison stammered.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Well, I think it would be wonderful for Natalie, but I don't know what I should be involved, given the situation..."

Derek stared at her. "Are you kidding me? You're part of the family."

"I'm sure they weren't too fond of me during the divorce, and I doubt they're going to be happy with me after they find out they have a niece they haven't met."

Natalie sat between her parents, bouncing her head back and forth, watching their conversation like it was a ping pong match.

"I'll handle my sisters." Derek reached over and patted her knee. "I'll talk to them beforehand."

Addison stared out the window, completely unsure of the situation. "If you say so…"

* * *

It wasn't too difficult for Derek to get the family together. Nancy lived about an hour from the city in Norwalk, Connecticut, Kathleen lived just outside the city in New Jersey, while Jenna and Avery lived in the city.

So, a couple of evenings later, Addison found herself at Chuck E. Cheese, which Derek had chosen because he thought that it would be fun for the kids. Being there reminded her of when they were in medical school. They would go to arcades to blow off steam when they were stressed out, then mutually choose the cutest kid in the place to donate their tickets to. Taking a break to play the games had been re-energizing when she was in college. But, decades later, she found that the flashing lights, sounds of hands pounding pinball machines, jingling of tokens dropping into coin slots, and screaming of children were almost enough to give her a migraine.

When they walked in, the Shepherds immediately swarmed around Natalie, despite Derek's request that they not overwhelm her. Not everyone was there. Some of the kids were away at college, and others just hadn't been able to make it, but most of Natalie's cousins and uncles had come out to meet her. It took Addison a few moments to recognize who all of the kids were. The children she'd known had become teenagers, and the teenagers she had known were adults who had already started their own families and lives.

Her eyes finally fell on one very familiar, and very welcome, face.

"Archer!" Addison slipped away from the crowd around Natalie and rushed over to her brother to embrace him. "Thank God Derek invited you. I thought it was just going to be me with all of his family."

"I _hate _pizza." Archer grumbled.

"Oh, quit being dramatic." Addison rolled her eyes. "You don't hate pizza. You love pizza."

"Okay, you're right. I do love pizza." Archer conceded. "When it's brick-oven fired and covered in pesto sauce, sun dried tomatoes, goat cheese, and pesto sauce."

Archer picked a piece of pizza up off of the pan on the Shepherds' dinner table and held it up to demonstrate his point. The mozzarella cheese oozed off the sides, and grease trickled down the surface in a little trail. "This isn't pizza."

Addison's nose crinkled. "Okay, point taken."

"Aunt Addie!" A tween girl lunged at her waist. Nancy's raven-haired daughter had always been a fan of Addison. She remembered delivering her, and how when she was wrapping her up in a fuzzy pink to hand her to Nancy, the girl had wrapped her hand tightly around her finger. They were instant friends.

Addison gave her a warm hug back. "Hi, Julie!"

"I missed you!" Julie frowned. "Why haven't you been around?"

"Well, Julie… I…"

Addison didn't know how much her nieces and nephews knew. She figured that the adult ones knew the truth, while the others probably got a glossed over version of the divorce. But, it didn't matter. She didn't get to finish her thought before she was nearly tackled from behind by Kathleen's teenaged sons, Brad and Kevin.

"Ahhh! Boys! You've gotten too big to do that."

"We're football players now, Aunt Addie!" Brad announced proudly.

"I don't doubt that!" Addison laughed, hugging each boy. It was hard to believe that Brad had been a scrawny preemie when she performed Kathleen's c-section.

"We have girlfriends now, too." Kevin beamed. He pointed out a couple of blonde girls who were gossiping at the other end of the table.

Addison laughed. "Very nice."

The boys grinned, and took off to flirt with their girlfriends. Addison was left alone, but only for a moment, when her eldest niece approached her. The once gangly girl had grown into a beautiful woman, and her once stringy hair was cut into a sleek bob. She cradled her son in her arms.

"Lena!" Addison exclaimed. "You look beautiful!"

Lena blushed. "Thank you, Aunt Addie… This is my son, Derek."

Addison took Derek's tiny hand gently in hers and gave it a small shake. "Nice to meet you, Derek."

"Listen, would you mind holding him while I run to the restroom?"

"Oh, Lena, I…" Addison trailed off.

Lena smiled kindly. "I'm pretty sure you're the most qualified person here to hold my baby."

"Okay." Addison accepted the five-month old child from Lena, holding him gently in her arms. She gave his stomach a gentle tickle, and laughed softly at the grin he rewarded her with in response.

Baby Derek lacked most of the Shepherd features, but what he had definitely inherited were the eyes. Looking into the eyes that her ex-husband, their daughter, and most of the family shared, Addison remembered how she had sobbed when Natalie was placed in her arms after she was born.

During her pregnancy, she had hoped against hope that somehow, a gene for brown, or hazel, or green eyes - anything but blue - would override Derek's. She had gone so far as to sketch out the punnett squares, and knew that it was unlikely that Natalie would have anything but blue eyes, but she cried anyway when her daughter opened her eyes for the first time.

"_I am going to have to stare into his eyes every day for the rest of my life!"_ Addison had wailed to Naomi with tears streaming down her face.

When Addison finally looked up from Baby Derek's eyes, she realized that she was surrounded by the Shepherd sisters, minus Avery, who had promised she was coming, but had yet to arrive.

"Hi!" Jenna chirped, kicking off the conversation. She was a very energetic, excitable person; the odd woman out among Derek's sisters, and the only blonde one to top it all off. "We just wanted you to know that we still care about you."

Addison could feel herself relax at the sudden, but welcome, admission. "Really?"

"We wish you wouldn't have kept Natalie a secret, but we get why you did. She is an absolute doll, and we love her already." Kathleen added.

"And as for Mark, we understand." Nancy assured her. "Our brother was a jackass. Making him go to dinner with you on your anniversary?! Come on, he practically threw you onto Mark's penis!"

Kathleen coughed. "Well, I don't know that I'd go that far, but… We've all been there with Mark… Some of us more than others." She cast a side glance at Nancy, who thwacked her arm.

"I resemble that remark…" Nancy grumbled.

"It's between you and Derek, not us. So, if Derek is past it, then so are we." Jenna chimed in. "You know we always considered you a sister."

"I know." Addison smiled sadly. "I always knew you ladies were wonderful."

The Shepherd sisters descended on Addison, giving her a gentle group hug, but carefully avoiding the infant in her arms.

"But, we do want know what your intentions are with our brother. We want to know what is going on between you two now." Kathleen pressed.

"I…" Addison watched as Derek interacted with their daughter, nieces, and nephews. "I can tell you I honestly that have no clue."

"Come on, Addie, spill it." Nancy prodded. "Are you doing our brother?"

"Well, not at this very second." Addison laughed weakly at her own bad joke and adjusted baby Derek, who had started to fuss in protest at being held by a stranger, in her arms. He calmed down as she rubbed gentle circles on his back.

"Ooooo!" Jenna squealed, clapping her hands. "You are!"

"I didn't say that..."

"But you are!"

Addison sighed. "Okay, yeah, I am."

"And…?" Jenna pushed.

"And it's fantastic." Addison groaned. "And I hate myself for going down this road again."

Kathleen shrugged. "Maybe it's not the same road. You've got a kid now. You've both had a few years to grow and change."

"We could screw things up again." Addison signed. "And screw up our daughter's life, too."

"Or, you could live happily ever after." Jenna pointed out, ever the optimist. "Would that be so terrible? To have your daughter and her father and be a happy family?"

Addison was silent, contemplating Jenna's words. There was a tap on her shoulder, and she turned around to find Derek behind her, holding up a wooden ball. She immediately laughed, knowing what he was thinking.

"Saturday Night Skee Ball Tournaments" had been infamous between the two, and they had frequently brought Mark, Archer, Sam, and Naomi into the mix. Competition was always fierce between Addison and Derek.

The nights ended abruptly after the "Ball Incident of January 14, 1995," as it was referred to in their circle. That night, Addison reeled back and released the wooden ball behind her instead of in front of her, and it flew up, hitting Derek (who was winning by quite a bit) in the forehead and leaving a large bruise. She'd claimed sweaty hands while he'd cried foul, and their friends never did figure out who was right.

Addison and Derek didn't speak for a few days after the incident.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Addison laughed. "After the last time?"

"Oh yes. I think we've had enough time to get over it."

Addison shook her head and took the ball from him. Nancy smirked and took baby Derek from Addison so that she could have two free hands.

"All right. You're on!" Addison rubbed her fingers over the smooth wooden surface of the ball and followed Derek over to the skee ball area. "Ready to lose, Shepherd?"

"Even going blind, I know I can beat you, Montgomery." Derek joked, wiggling his eyebrows at her as they stood in front of their respective lanes.

Addison rolled her eyes. "Ready?"

"Set. Go!"

Addison's first roll up the ramp was too fast and excited, and it bounced off of the plastic around one of the holes and rolled back down to her. Beside her, Derek cracked up.

"Looks like you're off to a great start."

Addison scowled. "I haven't played in over a decade!"

"Neither have I." Derek replied as he rolled the ball into the highest scoring hole in the uppermost corner.

"Ha ha! Yes!"

Addison picked her ball up again, a determined look on her face. She rolled the balls up the ramp in a much more controlled fashion, racking up the points for a respectable score. When she finished, she looked over at Derek's scoreboard and saw that he had beaten her by 10 points.

"Aw, that's too bad, Addie." Derek was fighting to keep a straight face as she shoved him.

"10 points! Are you freaking kidding me?" Addison stomped her foot.

Derek draped an arm around her shoulders. "Hey now, settle down. What if I get you a consolation prize from the claw machine?"

Without waiting for an answer, he guided her across the arcade to where there were rows of claw machines. Besides his aptitude for skee ball, Derek was also freakishly talented at pulling stuffed animals from claw machines. He took a surgical approach to the situation, and Addison could swear that he was actually pretending that the machine was a brain and that the toys were tumors to be removed when he played.

"Which one do you want?"

Addison studied the stuffed animals behind the glass window carefully. "The unicorn."

Addison pointed to the small pink and purple stuffed animal. She had intentionally chosen one that was far back in the machine, hidden partially under an elephant, and difficult to grab. The last thing she was going to do was make it easy on him.

Derek obediently dropped a golden token into the slot, and used the joystick in front of him to navigate the shiny claw to the back of the machine where the stuffed animal of Addison's desires was located. He placed the claw in what he thought was the right spot, and pushed the button to lower it down. His hands clapped together when he saw the toy in the claw's grasp, but he quickly frowned as the animal slipped out of the claw's grasp and fell back against the other toys.

Derek dug around in his pocket for more tokens, grumbling. "I will get that stupid thing if it takes all night…" Addison just smirked.

It took him five more tries, but he finally snagged the toy's hanger with the claw. He held his breath as the claw lifted it up, carried it back across the front of the machine, and dropped it down the chute. Derek grinned triumphantly, picked up the unicorn, and presented it to his ex-wife.

"Told you I'd get it."

Addison gave the unicorn a hug, then gave one to Derek. "Thank you. Want to rejoin the others now? We're sort of ignoring everyone else."

"Sure."

By the time Addison and Derek made their way back to the rest of the family, there was a new face among them.

"Oh, Archer!" Avery's giggle was loud and fake, and she had her hand on Addison's brother's shoulder. "You are just too much."

Addison fought the urge to smack the woman across the face, but only because her daughter was running up to them.

"Who are you?" Natalie blurted out.

Avery finally let go of Archer's arm, and closed the distance between her and Natalie. She swept Natalie up in her arms, talking to her like she was much younger than she really was. "Hi, Nattie! I am your Auntie Avery!"

Natalie coughed, getting a large whiff of Avery's heavy, musky perfume that she had layered on liberally. It didn't smell soft and classy like her mother's. It smelled bad, in Natalie's opinion. And, Avery had called her Nattie, which Natalie _hated_. She loved her other aunts so far, but she already did _not _care for this woman.

"Um, nice to meet you."

Avery set Natalie back down on the floor and quickly forgot her, turning back to flirt with Archer.

"Are her boobs plastic like that one lady's, Mom?" Natalie whispered in her mother's ear.

Addison stroked Natalie's hair fondly. She waited until she was sure that Avery had busied herself with talking to Archer before answering. "Yes, dear. Along with her nose. And her lips. And her cheeks… And Lord knows what else."

"You're just like my Bratz dolls!" Natalie blurted out to Avery.

One of Avery's perfectly groomed eyebrows jumped as she turned to face her niece again. "Say what?"

Addison hugged Natalie against her so that the little's girl's face was buried into her body, and her response about Avery being made of plastic was muffled. "Oh, Avery, she just means that you're so pretty."

"Awww." Avery squealed, giving Natalie another hug. "Thank you!"

Addison rolled her eyes as Avery turned back around, mumbling under her breath. "And trampy."

"Mom, what's tram--"

Addison cut her off by quickly handing her a twenty dollar bill. She really didn't feel like sparring with Avery, and didn't want to risk Natalie innocently provoking her. "Run along and get some more tokens."

Natalie's eyes lit up. "Cool! Thanks, Mom!"

* * *

"Moooooommmm!"

About a half an hour later, Natalie had blown through the 20 dollars with only a small stuffed bear and a tube of candy lipstick to show for the fistful of tickets that she had redeemed. She interrupted Addison's work-related conversation with Jenna by running up to her, pulling her golden-haired cousin along with her by the arm.

"I want to spend the night with Taryn." Natalie announced.

"Honey!" Addison admonished. "You can't just invite yourself to their house. That isn't polite…"

"I didn't!" Natalie insisted. "Taryn invited me!"

"Did Taryn ask her mother?" Addison countered, and Taryn chubby cheeks flushed, making it obvious that she had not. "It's a school night…"

"It's okay with me if it's okay with you, Addie." Jenna shrugged. "I can take her to school, and I'll make sure they don't get to bed too late. She can borrow something of Taryn's to wear."

"If you're sure…" Addison hesitated.

Jenna leaned in so she could speak quietly to Addison. "Taryn doesn't have a lot of friends. She's very, very shy, and her stutter makes it hard for her… So, since she's so taken with Natalie… I'd do anything to help their friendship along."

Addison nodded knowingly, remembering her own days with a speech impediment, and how she was frequently outcast because of it. It was difficult even to be accepted, let alone liked. "Okay. That'd be great, then."

"I'll pick her up from school tomorrow." Derek offered.

"All right!" Natalie cheered. "Let's go!"

Addison nodded her approval and hugged Natalie before she tossed her mother a wave and ran out the door with her aunt and cousin. Addison shook her head, wondering where Natalie had gotten her confidence. _She_ certainly didn't have it when she was young, and Derek, also a band geek, hadn't been that sure of himself either. But, Addison was confident in her adulthood, so perhaps Natalie saw that behavior and attempted to model it.

"So, it looks like I'm alone tonight."

"Yes, it does." Derek replied, expectance obvious in his voice.

"Would you, um…" Addison cleared her throat. "Like to come back to my house with me?"

_I have no self control with this man at all. _Addison thought. _I never have. And the worst part is, I don't even care!_

"What do you think?" Derek smirked.

* * *

_So, there we go, we met the family. I think the end of the next chapter is going to start the next story arc, which is heavily planned, so I probably can't take plot suggestions after that for a while. So, if you have anything you want to see in the next chapter, speak now or forever hold your peace, and I'll try to do it for you. ;)_


	14. Chapter 14

The first time they made love that night, they barely made it through the front door, and didn't even bother to remove their clothes. Derek's dropped his pants around his ankles, hiked Addison's skirt up, and they joined right there, hot and frantic, on the other side of the front door.

The second time was slower, and more like them. Addison had a few partners before she met Derek, and a few since they had split, but she had to admit to herself that no one was better than he was, or even came close. Sex with Mark had been good; it was as though the forbiddenness, even after the divorce, made the sex hotter.

But there is no substitute for experience, and Derek had over a decade of experience with Addison's body. Experience that could make her forget there was ever a Mark, or a Skippy, or a Greg, or a Joe, or any of the other men she had ever slept with. Derek set every nerve ablaze with his touches, bringing her to the edge, and making her moan, wiggle, and plead with him before he let her reach ecstasy.

"That was amazing." Addison breathed, snuggled against Derek with his arms wrapped tightly around her.

Derek smiled and kissed the top of her head. His hands tangled in her hair, gently stroking it, and he frowned suddenly.

"What is it?" Addison asked, puzzled by his frown.

He whispered softly in her ear. "I'm going to miss your hair."

"What?"

"When I go blind… I'm going to miss it."

Addison buried her face in Derek's chest so he couldn't see the tears in her eyes.

* * *

"What color are his eyes?" Taryn asked, wanting to know about Natalie and her boyfriend, though she had been hearing about it for the past 20 minutes. With her wild hair, speech impediment, and awkward features, boys hadn't shown an interest in her yet, and she was very curious about what it was like.

"Green." Natalie put her hands over her heart. "Like grass. They are so beautiful."

"Have you ever kissed him?" Taryn grinned.

Natalie put a finger to her lips. "Shhh. Just a few times."

"On the lips?"

"Ew, no! We're not married yet!"

Taryn shoved her blue, plastic-rimmed glasses further up on her face with her index finger. "Do you think your parents loved each other like you love Braden?"

"I don't know." Natalie frowned. "I hope so."

"Oooo!" Taryn wiggled closer to Natalie. "I just remembered something!"

Natalie tilted her head. "What?"

"There's this photo album downstairs, and it has a picture of your parents on their wedding day!"

Natalie scrambled to her feet. "What are we waiting for?!"

The cousins went down the stairs, trying to minimize the creaking sounds that they made by slowly tiptoeing. When they reached Taryn's living room, she dug through a drawer, finding a small photo album that her mom kept that had a wedding picture of each of the Shepherd siblings. Taryn flipped to the page of her uncle and lifted the plastic up and off the picture, carefully plucking the picture out of the album. She placed it into Natalie's eager hands.

Natalie took in the sight of her mother in a white lace beaded gown, her hair piled up on top of her head in curls, and her father in a tuxedo, and gasped. "She's beautiful!"

"They both are!" Taryn agreed.

"Look at them! How can they not be together anymore? They look so…"

"Happy." Taryn finished.

"Girls, what are you doing? You're supposed to be in bed." The light in the hallway flipped on, and Jenna appeared, wearing an oversized Columbia t-shirt and plaid PJ pants. The girls just stood there, looking at her guiltily. Jenna looked at Natalie's hands and sighed softly when she saw her brother's wedding picture. "Oh."

"Did they love each other?" Natalie looked at her aunt with desperate eyes. "Did they really, really love each other, like movie love each other?"

Jenna thought back to when Derek had brought Addison home for the first time, when Jenna was a senior in high school. There had been an extra bounce in his step, and Jenna specifically remembered him telling her, _She's the one._ She remembered how they had looked at each other and held each other tenderly when they were dating and through the first several years of their marriage, how they had helped each other through medical school, the laughter they always shared between them… She couldn't remember when it had all started going downhill.

"Yes… Yes, they did, sweetie." Jenna squeezed Natalie's shoulder.

"Do you think they can ever get together again and be happy?" Natalie looked down.

"I… Don't know, honey. There are a lot of things that they would have to work."

Natalie frowned. "I think grown-ups make things too hard!"

Jenna smiled sadly. "I don't disagree with you there, sugar."

Jenna watched as her niece traced a small finger carefully over the picture, outlining her parents figures

"Would you…" Jenna gestured to the picture. "Like to have that? I mean, maybe don't tell your parents I gave it to you, because I'm not sure what they'd say… But would you like to have it, just for you?"

Natalie threw her arms around Jenna's waist. "Thank you so, so, so much, Aunt Jenna! I'd love to have it so much!"

Jenna dropped a kiss on her head. "You're welcome. But girls… You know what time it is now."

Taryn groaned. "Time for bed…"

Jenna smiled, guiding Taryn and Natalie back up the stairs. "That's exactly right, my little friends."

That night, Natalie slept with the picture of her parents under her pillow, and dreamed of a time when things were simpler between them, and when they were happy together.

* * *

"Oh, God." Addison groaned the next morning as she opened her eyes.

"Gee, thanks." Derek quipped.

Addison rolled up onto her side, keeping a safe distance from Derek in the bed, afraid of what might happen if she let their bodies touch. "We can't keep doing this. It's not right."

"Why?"

"Because of Natalie! She's going to start asking questions. She's going to ask us if we're getting back together, and what are we going to say?"

Derek sighed. "I don't know."

"That's why we have to stop."

"Then maybe you need to stop screwing with my head." Derek muttered angrily. "Stop inviting me back here if you're going to regret it."

"Oh, I am messing with _your _head?" Addison snorted. "What about those months in Seattle that you messing around with mine?"

"So now we're bringing that up?"

"I'm not messing around with you on purpose right now. But you did mess around with mine on purpose, and I loved you more than anything!"

"Then why did you fuck around with my best friend and ruin our marriage in the first place?" Derek climbed out of her bed, disgusted, and began looking around for his clothes.

"It was already ruined!" Addison shouted, throwing a pillow off the bed in frustration. "You _destroyed_ me! Don't you get it, Derek? The night you caught me with Mark, it wasn't even about sex. It was about me wanting to _feel_ something. I needed to feel loved, beautiful, wanted… Because you never took the time to do anything of those things."

"Addison…"

"No! It took me years to put myself back together, and now, here I am, whole again, and you've come back into my life and shaken everything up again!"

"You are not whole, Addison." Derek said, looking her directly in the eyes "It's very clear to me that now, when you've been with me, is the only time you have been whole in years."

"Well, hell, Derek!" Addison threw her arms up in the air and laughed bitterly. "You think awfully damn highly of yourself, don't you? What the hell makes you think that? You haven't been around to make that judgment."

"Natalie." Derek said simply.

"Natalie is _five years old_!" Addison exclaimed. "She is a very smart little girl, but she doesn't understand all of this, or how I am feeling. You can't rely on a first grade testimony of my life!"

"No. I mean Natalie should have been everything you ever wanted. Yet you are still working an ungodly number of hours a week and fighting to fill a void that…" Derek stopped with a sigh. "I was married to you for 11 years, and I can see it in your eyes."

"Then why couldn't you see it when we were still married?" Addison lamented, hot tears burning her pale blue eyes.

Derek looked away. "I… I don't know."

"I need you to go back to Seattle."

"What?" Derek felt his heart sink.

"I'm falling for you all over again, and I don't know what it is!" Addison paced her bedroom floor with such fervor that Derek thought she might actually wear a whole into the carpet. "I don't know if it's because I have been lonely, or because I have missed you, or because I have seen you be a father to our daughter… But I know I can't figure it out with you here."

"Addison, I have a daughter here!" Derek's voice was soft. After knowing Natalie, he didn't think he could imagine life without her.

"I don't mean I want you to leave forever, but I need you to go long enough for me to see what things re like without you again."

"How long are you talking?"

"Maybe a month? Natalie's birthday is next month, and I am having a party for her… Maybe you can come back then and we can talk things out then… Figure out what to do…"

"You have this all figured out." Derek realized. "You've been thinking about it."

"I'm sorry, Derek." Addison whispered.

"So am I." Derek's voice was bitter as he pulled his pants on. "I'll call the airport and see when the next flight out is. But I'm not leaving without saying goodbye to my daughter."

"I would never ask you to." Addison traced the floral pattern of her bedspread with her fingertip, avoiding his eyes.

Derek didn't respond as he shoved his feet into his shoes and tied them.

As she listened to him leave, Addison curled up in a fetal position with the unicorn he had won her securely wrapped in her arms and allowed herself to cry.

* * *

With his flight scheduled for 9:30 that night, and hours left before he needed to pick Natalie up from school, Derek found himself walking down 5th Avenue in the mild weather, unsure of what to do with himself in that free time. He tried not to remember how he and Addison had strolled up and down that street countless times, though he was sure that was why he had subconsciously decided to walk there.

Derek smiled to himself, remembering how many pairs of designer shoes had been bought in the stores on that street. He remembered Addison picking out a suit at Lord and Taylor for his interview to become chief of neurosurgery. He'd felt uncomfortable in the designer clothing at first, but she'd been right; he'd looked fantastic, and the confidence helped him nail the interview.

He passed FAO Schwarz, and recalled how they would walk by there, talking about how they would go crazy shopping in there for their future children; children that they never ended up having while they were married, Derek remembered sadly.

Derek stopped in Starbucks to grab a cup of coffee and a pastry, and continued his walk. He finally found himself outside of Tiffany and Co. Addison's favorite. As he chewed on his apple turnover, he thought about how she'd loved grabbing pastries with him to eat outside of Tiffany's, their own private version of the movie. Derek dumped his food and drink in the trash and went inside, suddenly having an idea.

A few minutes later, he was carefully examining the array of sparkling pieces of jewelry in behind the glass case front of him, watching as the salesman, David, pointed out pieces that were particularly suited to what Derek had told him the story and what he was looking for. They were all beautiful, of course, but one that David got out of the case for him caught his eye.

"May I?" Derek asked, his hand extended, and David obliged his request.

Derek turned the piece of jewelry over in his hands a few times, quickly deciding that it was exactly what he was looking for. "I'll take it."

David told him the final amount, and Derek slid his platinum Visa card across the counter. He waited impatiently while David boxed it into a signature blue box and tied it up with a white ribbon. He was about to drop it into a bag when Derek interrupted him.

"No, that's okay." Derek stopped him by putting a hand up. "I'll just carry it in my pocket."

David looked at him curiously, but handed over the box with his receipt and credit card. "Good luck."

"Thanks."

* * *

Later that day, Derek spotted Natalie easily among the children running out of her school. Her red locks were pulled into twin ponytails on either side of her head, undoubtedly the work of his sister; Addison probably would have never styled their daughter's hair like that, but it had been Jenna's favorite look when she was in elementary school, and his mother had spent many hours perfecting that hairstyle.

"Daddy!" Natalie ran to him and threw her arms around his waist.

Derek bent down to hug her, his heart still fluttering at being called "Daddy." He wondered if that feeling would ever wear off, or if it would always be that amazing. "Hi, honey. Did you have a good day?"

"I did! But, I'm ready to go home."

They walked hand and in hand down the street, and Derek listened about how Natalie had been advanced through her reading curriculum, and how she had gotten an A on her math test.

"What about your day, Dad?" Natalie asked. "What did you do?"

"Well, uh… Actually… I have something that I want to show you." Derek said, pulling the blue box from his pocket.

Natalie gasped. "I know what those boxes mean! That's something from Tiffany's! Mommy has all kinds of those boxes."

Derek laughed knowingly. After all, he had bought Addison the majority of those blue boxes (and their contents, of course). For most holidays and birthdays they had spent together, she had wanted jewelry. He thought it was silly because she couldn't wear much jewelry to work, which was where she spent most of her time, but he had obliged, giving her a jewel collection that he had always joked could rival a royal family's; and each piece was always from Tiffany's.

Natalie took the box in her small, purple marker-stained hand. Apparently, it had been art day. She held it as delicately as a child could know how, and her wide blue eyes stared up at him, hopeful.

"Is that a ring for mommy?"


	15. Chapter 15

_Our next two chapters will be short, then we will resume the longer chapters. I just don't want to lose the impact of these next two chapters in pages and pages of text because they are important._

_

* * *

_

"_Is that a ring for mommy?" _

As the words reverberated in Derek's head, he realized that Addison had been right earlier that day. Natalie clearly expected a reunion between her parents, especially after having caught them in a rather romantic situation earlier that week. It was only a matter of time before she started asking more and more questions.

"Well, no, honey… It's not a ring, and it's not for mommy." Derek said gently. Natalie's face immediately fell. "It's actually for you."

Natalie stared at the box in her hands, her disappointment temporarily forgotten. "For _me_? You mean I get to have a little blue box, just like mommy?"

Derek was slightly surprised that Addison had never bought her anything from Tiffany's. "You don't have any little blue boxes?"

"No, she said I could have one when I'm 12." Natalie fingered the ribbon on the box gently.

Derek laughed quietly. "Well, you know, it's not _just_ a _box_. Open it. See what's inside."

Natalie very slowly untied the ribbon, making sure to keep it perfectly intact, and lifted the lid off the box. Inside was a sterling silver star, curved and contoured in Elsa Peretti's signature artsy style, strung on a sterling chain. She picked it up slowly and held it so that it shone in the light.

"Oh, it's so pretty! I love stars!" Natalie gasped. "Will you help me put it on?"

Derek nodded, and unfastened the necklace, draping it around his daughter's neck and securing it in the back. She gently fingered the star and looked up at him.

"But why did you get me a present? My birthday is a month away, and it's not Christmas…" Natalie was puzzled.

"Well…" Derek sighed, feeling his breathing catch as it was time to tell his daughter that he had to leave her. "I have to go back to Seattle for a while."

Natalie's lower lip trembled. "B-but why? I just found out you're my dad, and you're leaving me?"

Derek realized he had to be careful. Though he didn't agree with Addison's idea for him to go back to the western seaboard for a while, he couldn't say anything that would cause their daughter to have ill feelings toward her.

"I have to take care of some things."

That much was true. He had left his department in the hands of Dr. Nelson, his so-called "shadow," and he feared what the man might have done with the place.

Natalie brightened. "Well, I've always wanted to go to the west coast, so I will just go with you!"

"You can't come with me." Derek said gently. "You have to go to school. You need to stay here with you mom. She needs you."

Natalie's lip quivered. "_You_ don't need me?"

"No! That's not what I meant." Derek said quickly, placing a hand on Natalie's shoulder. "Of course I need you! But you and your mommy have been a team your whole life, and you can't leave her now."

Natalie kicked at a rock on the sidewalk. "When will you be back?"

"I'll be back by your birthday." Derek promised. "That's just a few weeks away, so before you know it, I'll be back."

A lone tear trailed down Natalie's cheek. "But I'll miss you."

"That's why I got you the necklace." Derek explained, pointing to his daughter's neck. "The necklace is to remind you that even when I seem far away, we're under the same sky, and we see the same stars, so it's like we're not really that far apart at all. All you have to do is look up."

Natalie sniffled. "Okay."

Derek brushed the tear from Natalie's face with the back of his hand. "Can you be strong for me, Natalie?"

Natalie nodded slowly. "I will. I promise."

Derek smiled. "Good. I have to leave tonight, so let's go home and make this a great evening, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

Addison returned home a few hours later to find Derek's suitcases packed and ready at the door. She walked to the living room to find her ex-husband and daughter sitting cross legged on the floor, a board game flat on the floor in front of them. Both were decked out in large, plastic jewelry, and Derek was wearing a crown. He flushed deep red when he saw her enter the room.

"I… Uh… We're playing Pretty Pretty Princess."

"I know…" Addison laughed softly, touching the crown atop his head. "It looks like you won."

"He did!" Natalie sounded proud of him, rather than jealous of his win. "I taught him well. Look what he gave me."

Natalie lifted up a string of plastic beads to show Addison her necklace. Addison immediately recognized it as a Tiffany's design. "Wow, Natalie! That's really nice."

"It's because he's going away." Natalie frowned, touching the star. "But to remind me that he will be back."

Addison swallowed. "That's… Good, honey."

"Well…" Derek rose to his feet. "Since your mom is home now, I should probably get my cab, kiddo."

"Oh." Natalie blinked hard, and Addison knew she was fighting to keep from crying. "Okay."

"Derek, listen..." Addison gently stroked Natalie's hair in an attempt to cheer her up.

"Yes?" Derek was hopeful that maybe Addison had changed her mind… Maybe he wouldn't have to leave his daughter and the woman he loved, and maybe they could create the family that they had always dreamed of when they were younger.

"We can take you to the airport." Addison offered.

"Oh." Derek couldn't keep the disappointment out of his voice. "Thanks, Addie, that'd be good."

"Yay!" Natalie cheered, grateful to have a few more precious moments with her father. "I'll get my coat."

As she bounded out of the room, Derek handed Addison a paper bag. "I uh… I actually got you something too."

"Really?" Addison was surprised.

She reached into the bag and slowly drew out a very familiar bottle of wine, with all of the text written in Italian. Her knowledge of Italian was limited, but she knew exactly what the bottle said, what it was, and why Derek had bought it for her.

"The wine from our honeymoon." Addison realized, her voice soft.

"Yeah."

"How did you…"

"I have my ways."

Derek didn't mention that he had been checking every wine shop in the city since the night she had mentioned that she couldn't find it anywhere, and that he had finally found it a couple of days before that. He had hoped that they would be able to drink it together, maybe reunite, but that possibility was looking grim with her practically ordering him out of town.

Addison ran her hand over the label. "I… Thank you."

"You're welcome…"

"Okay." Addison took a deep breath, putting the bottle down on the coffee table and grabbing her purse and her keys. She knew she had to get in the car before she lost her nerve, rushed into his arms, and begged him to stay. "Let's go to the airport."


	16. Chapter 16

_Sorry, folks! Natalie, Addison, and Derek got shoved aside while I was knitting like a mad woman on a baby gift and hosting a bridal shower for a friend. But, the baby gift has been given and the shower is tomorrow, so they're back now! This chapter isn't very long because it is transitional and I just needed to get it out of the way, but the next one is going to be very intense. ;) Enjoy!  
_

* * *

Natalie sat in the backseat of her mother's SUV, kicking the back of the passenger's side seat to jolt her father, and earning her glares from her mother in the rearview mirror; it was only part of the passive-aggressive display of her unhappiness with his leaving. In many ways, was not too different from the behavior he had witnessed in her mother during their marriage.

"What's so great about Seattle anyway?" Natalie demanded, breaking the silence that the three had maintained through most of the ride to the airport.

Derek thought for a moment. It was a good question. Really, the best thing about Seattle several years ago had been that it was thousands of miles away from Addison and Mark, and with Richard's need for a consult, it was the perfect escape.

"Well, um… There's a really tall thing called the Space Needle, and…"

"We have the Empire State Building." Natalie interrupted.

Derek ignored her. "And there are ferry boats…"

"There are ferry boats here too."

"Uh…" Derek struggled. "The first Starbucks is there."

Natalie snorted. "Gimme a break! We have more than a lot of those!"

"I own a lot of land there."

"But Central Park has all the land you could ever need, and you don't even have to mow the grass!" Natalie crossed her arms in defiant satisfaction, confident that she had won the argument.

"Spoken like a true New Yorker." Derek quipped with a slight chuckle.

"Yeah, even before we moved back here from California, she had that New York streak… It must be in her blood." Addison checked over her shoulder and got in the appropriate lane to take Derek to the front doors of the airport.

"Funny considering that neither of us was born here either."

Addison laughed. "We adjusted."

She parallel parked the car curbside to the airport, and they retrieved his luggage from the trunk. Derek shifted his carry-on to his shoulder and pulled up the handle of his rolling suitcase.

"Well… I guess this is it." Derek said.

A single tear rolled down Natalie's cheek as she looked up at her father. She sniffled a little for dramatic effect, wiping the tear from her face. Derek bit his lip, unable to handle seeing his daughter so sad.

"Please don't leave me." Natalie whispered.

Derek crouched down beside her and pointed to her necklace. Natalie enclosed the star hanging from her neck in her tiny fist and nodded bravely at her father. He smiled sadly at her, embracing her and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll be back soon." Derek promised. "I love you."

"I love you too, dad."

He stood up slowly, his eyes meeting Addison's. Not sure of what to do, she leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek, but he surprised her by catching her lips with his. It was far from the soft, chaste kiss she would possibly have expected from him in front of their daughter. It was passionate and set her nerves ablaze as he dipped her back slightly and wrapped his arms around her. He wanted her to remember exactly what she was sending all the way across the country. Natalie's eyes were wide and her mouth hung open as the kiss went on and on.

"Bye." Derek finally released her and gave her his trademark grin. Without another word, he turned and walked through the doors of the airport.

Dumbfounded, Addison stood there frozen and watched his retreating figure. Part of her wanted to run after him, but the rational part of her pulled her keys out of her coat pocket and walked back over to her car. Her fingers grazed over her lips, still warm from his touch.

Addison finally cleared her throat. "Come on, Natalie."

They were silent for several minutes as they drove back toward their home. Natalie was the first to finally speak.

"You wanted him to stay, didn't you?"

"Yes." Addison admitted.

"Why didn't you just tell him to stay then?" Natalie asked, crossing her arms and giving her mother a look like she was completely hopeless. "I bet he would have stayed if you would have asked him to!"

Her mother found herself almost ready to say the famed "It's complicated," but she was tired of sugar coating things for her daughter. There was no reason that she couldn't tell her the truth and allow herself to be a little vulnerable.

"Because I am afraid." Addison replied honestly.

"Of what?" Natalie was surprised. Her mother had never admitted fear to her before that moment.

"Of falling in love with him again and losing him again."

"Well… Are you afraid when you do surgery sometimes?" Natalie asked.

Addison looked up at her in the rearview mirror, puzzled about what that had to do anything. "Sure, if it's something really hard or risky."

"But you still pick up the scalpel." Natalie pointed out.

Addison sighed and nodded her head, realizing that her daughter was wise beyond her years. "But this is different."

"How?"

Addison had no answer for that.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Derek was sitting in first class on his plane, which was late for its scheduled departure from the gate, flipping through a medical journal absently with his mind on his ex-wife and his daughter. What if he had just refused to go? What would Addison have done then? Would Natalie hate him for leaving her? The questions swirled in his head, leaving him feeling empty and alone.

…_Please turn off all cell phones…_

The droning voice of the flight attendant over the intercom snapped him out of his thoughts for a moment. When Derek reached for his cell phone to turn it off, the display alerted him that he had one new voicemail. He sucked in a deep breath as hope filled him. Had she changed her mind? He quickly dialed his voicemail, figuring that he had a few minutes to spare before the plane took off.

The voice in the recording was familiar, but it wasn't the one that he had expected to hear. As he listened to the voice message, his heart pounded harder and faster in his chest.

"Excuse me, miss!" Derek's voice was frantic as he hung up the phone. He unbuckled his seatbelt and jumped into the aisle in front of a startled young flight attendant. "I need to get off of this plane right now."


	17. Chapter 17

_So, I am alive! No good excuses, really. :P I find it hard to write in the summer when the shows aren't on and the characters aren't around to give inspiration… But, I am back! I have opened and closed this Word document so many times in the past months. I'm not entirely happy with the way this chapter turned out, but I feel like I never will be, so I am going to post it anyway. I need to get it out so I can move on with the story! So, here it goes. :)_

_

* * *

_

"_Derek, I hope that you haven't left town yet; this is very important."_

Soon after his sudden outburst on the airplane, Derek found himself in the airport security office, apparently a suspect of terrorist activity after freaking out and demanding to get off the plane.

"_This is Archer."_

An air marshal had escorted him off and to security while the plane was evacuated and searched for weapons.

"_There has been an accident…" _

Derek was harshly interrogated. He allowed the security staff to listen to his voicemail, but they were skeptical, thinking it could be part of a setup.

"_Natalie is all right… But Addison…"_

It took several calls and checks before the airport released him, and he immediately ran for a cab, his whole body trembling as it drove to Beth Israel.

He ran straight for the ICU, and had no trouble finding Archer, who was pacing the hallway outside of Addison's room. Before he could say a word, Derek was immediately pulled into a hug. The only times he could remember Archer touching him before that were with his fist or stiff, polite handshakes. But his former brother-in-law looked different than he had ever seen him, his eyes bloodshot from a combination of exhaustion and tears. And it terrified him.

"Addison?" Derek managed to utter his ex-wife's name as he gasped for breath. He knew it was bad; the expression of Archer's face said it all.

"She's alive. Barely. There's no easy way to say this." Archer sighed. "She's in a coma."

"Oh God." Derek closed his eyes.

"I know… I'm just… Shocked. You can read the chart if you want, for the specifics."

Derek shook his head. "I… Don't think I can right now."

"Me neither." Archer looked down. "And it makes me feel horrible, because I'm her big brother, and I'm supposed to take care of her… But I feel… Frozen."

"Where's my daughter? How is she?"

"She's mostly okay; just a little shaken up, with some scratches and bruises, and a broken arm."

"Where is she?"

"One of Addie's residents took her to the cafeteria to distract her."

Derek rubbed his face with one hand. "Does she know about Addison?"

"Well, she knows she is with the doctors, but not how serious her injuries are." Archer explained with a sigh. "Addison was conscious and talking to Natalie until they were separated into two ambulances. She went out during the ambulance ride."

"Where did it happen?"

"It was a drunk driver." Archer's voice turned angry. "He crossed the median and t-boned them on the Van Wyck, going south."

Derek was confused. "That can't be right. They were driving _home_ from the airport not _to_ the airport."

"Oh." Archer knit his brow, also confused. "Maybe I misunderstood the officer."

"Daddy!"

He turned to see his daughter running down the hall, sporting a hot pink cast on her left arm, and dragging a pretty raven-haired woman in a white lab coat behind her – Addison's resident, Derek presumed.

Natalie ran up to him and flung herself at his torso. "I missed you!"

Addison's young resident caught up to them and handed Natalie the milkshake that she had abandoned.

"This is Anila Patel." Natalie introduced the resident to her father. "Her parents came here years ago all the way from India! That's far away! Nily, this is my daddy, Derek."

Anila shook Derek's hand cordially, for Natalie's sake, though she knew from the expression on Derek's face that things were not going well with her mentor.

"Is mommy ready to go home now? Does she have a cast like mine?" Natalie asked.

"Natalie…" Derek drew in a breath slowly, trying to think of a way to explain Addison's injuries in a way that their daughter would understand.

Sensing that it was a family moment, Anila cleared her throat and excused herself to find her co-workers who would be able to tell her more about their attending's condition. Archer took off after her; the way he had been eyeing her, Derek wasn't sure if it was to excuse himself from the awkwardness or to attempt to woo Anila into some horizontal comfort that night.

"I wonder what color she got…" Natalie rattled on. "I bet blue!"

"She doesn't have a cast, honey." Derek swallowed the lump in his throat. "Honey, she's very, very hurt."

"How hurt?" Natalie's eyes filled with concern.

"Um…" Derek fumbled for words. "You know Sleeping Beauty, right?"

"Yeah, she had to go to sleep for 100 years."

"Well… Mommy's head got hurt in the accident, and she is asleep right now, kind of like Sleeping Beauty."

Natalie's face crumpled. "Is she going to sleep for 100 years?"

"No!" Derek said quickly, cursing himself silently for his obviously poor example. "Hopefully she won't be asleep for very long."

"Can't you just kiss her and wake her up now?" Natalie looked down at the floor.

Derek sighed and slowly looped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him in a tight embrace. "I wish it were that easy, sweetheart."

Natalie sniffled, her eyes beginning to gloss over with tears. She buried her face into Derek's shoulder. "I miss her already."

"I do, too, sweetheart."

Natalie's tone turned defiant. "I'm going to see her!"

Before Derek could stop her, Natalie stormed toward Addison's ICU room. He quickly took off after her, knowing that she was completely unprepared for what she was about to see, and really, so was he.

Bandages covered the majority of Addison's face, and she was hooked up to various machines that were monitoring her status. A tube down her throat was breathing for her. Her neck was immobilized in a cervical collar, and her left leg was apparently heavily injured in the accident as well, Derek guessed, considering the way the doctors had set it.

"That can't be my mommy." Natalie whispered. Tears fell down her face, but she didn't even bother to wipe them away.

"Natalie…" Derek placed his arms gently on her shoulders, trying hard to fight back his own tears.

"There are a lot of machines and a lot of bandages…. But, she's… She's still Addie…" He felt like he was reminding himself more than he was his daughter. "Your mommy…"

"No!" Natalie shook her head vigorously, slow backing away from Addison's bed. "There must be a mistake! That's not her! Mommy was okay! She was talking to me and everything!"

Derek struggled to think of how to explain things to Natalie. "Sometimes, with car accidents like this, people will seem okay at first, but then…"

"She was FINE." Natalie shrieked hysterically. "THAT'S NOT HER!"

Sobbing, Natalie bolted to the door and opened it as quickly as she could, leaving Derek frozen in shock, wondering whether to stay with his seriously injured ex-wife or chase after his daughter.

The decision was quickly made for him. Only a moment passed before Archer poked his head in and said, "We've got her… Stay with Addison. Take your time."

Derek felt bad, not going after Natalie, but he didn't know what to do. He could hardly move or breathe. He pulled a chair close to Addison's bedside and sat in it, taking her hand in his. He carefully avoiding the wires attached to her while he stroked it. "Oh, Ads…. I wish it would have been me instead of you."

Derek swallowed hard, reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair from Addison's face. "You'd know what to say to Natalie… You'd know how to make her feel like everything is okay… But I don't. I don't know how to be a parent, not really…"

He brought her hand to his face and gently kissed it. "You have to wake up, Addison. For Natalie. For Archer. For me… I still want that second chance with you…. Now, I'm afraid I'm never going to get it."

He clutched her hand to his heart and finally allowed the tears that he had been fighting so hard to fall.

* * *

Derek had been sitting with Addison for a few hours when Addison's door opened and Archer entered. He cleared his throat. "Derek."

"Archer."

"Look… You and I both know that Addie would want you to do what is best for Natalie. And we both know that is _not_ sitting in the ICU, watching Addison like a hawk, when there is nothing you can do for her." Archer said. "But you _can_ do something for Natalie, and that is keeping things as normal for her as possible. She should be in her own house and her own bed. You know I am happy to stay with her, but, I think she'd rather have her father."

Derek sighed. "You're right. And I hate that."

"I can stay the night with her, then you can come back in the morning, and we'll switch. Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah." Derek agreed reluctantly.

Archer gave Derek directions to Addison's office, where Natalie had been sleeping since shortly after her outburst. Natalie was curled up in a ball on the couch in Addison's office when Derek entered, being watched over by Anila, who was reviewing a stack of charts. She nodded to him as he approached Natalie as quietly as possible.

"She was saying that her arm hurt." Anila whispered. "So, I gave her some of her pain medicine, and she went right out. Probably a good thing… The poor girl probably couldn't have slept otherwise."

"Thank you, for watching her."

"Of course."

Derek slowly slid his hands under Natalie's small body and lifted her up and to his chest, cradling her against him. Her eyelids fluttered momentarily, but she did not wake up, exhausted from the day's ordeal. She remained that way during the cab ride home and after Derek placed her in her bed, in her street clothes. He figured it wasn't worth it to wake her up for pajamas.

For Derek, trying to sleep in Addison's bed without her to share it was more than a little odd. The satin sheets smelled like her, but she wasn't there for him to wrap his arms around and hold. He spent an hour flopping around like a fish before he finally noticed the stuffed unicorn that he had won for her at Chuck E. Cheese sitting on the nightstand. He picked it up and noticed that it, too, smelled like her. Only after he wrapped his arms around it and snuggled it to his chest was he finally able to fall asleep.


	18. Chapter 18

Derek awoke early the next morning, his arms still wrapped around the stuffed animal he won for Addison. His failing eyes blinked a few times around the room as he oriented himself. He reached out beside him for Addison, but found the other side of the bed cold and empty.

It was then that the night before flooded back to him.

He needed someone, an adult, to talk to. He could talk to Archer, but they had never exactly been friends, and had only barely tolerated each other until the night before. If he called his sisters, there would be a swarm of chatty women around him, crying and bothering him incessantly with attempts to counsel and console him. No, he would wait to tell them.

Derek scrolled through the contacts in his iPhone, and realized that there was only one person that he could call.

"Sloan." Mark yawned into the phone, answering on the fourth ring.

"Hey, Mark… It's Derek."

"It's…" Derek pictured Mark fumbling to look at anything with a clock on it. "It's 3:30 in the morning! What is so important that can't wait til Starbucks opens?"

"Addison and Natalie were in a car accident." Derek said softly. "Natalie's okay, but Addie… She's in a coma."

Derek could hear the bed covers rustling as Mark sat up and was immediately alert. "What? Oh, God…."

"Yeah, it uh… It's not looking too great right now."

"I'm so sorry, Derek…"

"She has some facial injuries… And I know she'll want the best plastic surgeon there is." Derek said. "So, um… Do you think you could make a trip out here?"

"You know Dr. Thorpe is in New York City, and that he is as good as I am, but never tell him I said that." Mark said. "So admit it. You need a friend, not a surgeon."

"I do." Derek sighed. "I have never been a father before. Now I have this wonderful, bright kid that scares the hell out of me, and I don't have her mother's help to know how to take care of her… And Addison, she's… Well, I love… But…."

"I know." Mark said, gently cutting off Derek's struggle to put his feelings into words. "I'll be out as soon as I can get some things re-scheduled. I have a burn case this morning that I can't hand off, but I'll try to grab a red eye out tonight."

"Thank you."

"Hang in there."

Derek pressed the "end" button on his iPhone and stared at the icons for a long moment, knowing that it was time to go talk to his daughter.

He found Natalie sitting on her already made bed with her legs folded beneath her and a book on her lap. Derek recognized the book by the picture its worn cover immediately; the awkward, sad bunny with its tall ears was a dead giveaway. His memory back to over a decade before, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

"Dad?" Natalie stared at him in concern. "What's wrong?"

"_Do you think we did it this time?" Addison asked her husband, as she ran her fingers gently, instinctively, over her abdomen._

"_I don't know." Derek said, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Of course, I don't mind the practice…"_

_Addison pinched him playfully and he grinned as he curled his bare body around hers. Beams of light from the Manhattan sunrise bathed them as they lay in bed together, cuddling. _

"_You know, when we do have a baby… The first thing I am going to read her is _The Velveteen Rabbit."

"_Ughhhh." Derek groaned, covering his face dramatically with a pillow. "Please spare our child!" _

_Addison smacked the pillow lightly, effectively hitting her husband in the face. "What is your problem with my favorite childhood book?"_

"_It is depressing!" Derek declared as he shoved the pillow off of his face._

"_It's a classic with a good moral!"_

"_Moral? Are you kidding me?"_

"_Yes, moral! It's that in loving and being loved, we find our place and meaning in life and become real."_

"_Aren't we already real?"_

"_Derek!" Addison reeled back with a pillow, ready to deal a blow to his head._

"_Okay, okay." Derek said, holding his hands up in surrender. "Fine, he can read that stupid book. As long as he likes the Yankees."_

_Addison rolled her eyes, but settled back into her husband's arms. She lay there quietly for a moment before whispering, "I can't wait to be a mother."_

"_You'll make a wonderful one." Derek replied, as he kissed the top of her head. _

If only they'd kept trying instead of absorbing themselves in their careers, maybe they would have had a child sooner, Derek thought. They could have been a family together, maybe had two or three kids, and the divorce would have never happened. The accident would have never happened.

If only…

"Dad?" Natalie waved her cast-covered arm in front of Derek's face, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Are you in there?"

"Sorry. I'm fine. So, uh… You can read that all by yourself?" Derek asked, trying to push the memory out of his head. "That's really good, honey."

"Well, actually, I have it memorized." Natalie traced the outline of the rabbit on the well-well-loved cover. "Mommy reads it to me almost every night. She has ever since I was a baby."

"I… Know." Derek managed.

Natalie's eyebrow jumped. "You do?"

"Yeah." Derek forced a smile. "How's your arm?"

Natalie shrugged. "It hurts a little, but I am mostly okay."

"You're already dressed?"

"Well, yeah, it's almost time for school…" Natalie fidgeted.

"School?" Derek's voice was surprised.

He wouldn't have thought that Natalie would want to go to school after the previous night's ordeal. Most kids would try anything to get out of school. Mark certainly had; naturally smart, Mark had coasted through with straight A's, hardly ever cracking open a book, from kindergarten all the way through medical school. Addison had been the type to make flash cards, study guides, and outlines. She studied from sun up until sun down, and never missed a class, not even when she had beginning symptoms of appendicitis (had the professor not sent her out, her appendix would have likely ruptured). Derek was the normal one. He went to class and studied, but was fine with skipping when he had an illness (or a hangover).

"Yeah." Natalie picked up her backpack. "It starts pretty soon, so we should probably get going."

"You know, you don't have to go today." Derek said gently. "You've been through a lot and, well… Maybe we should talk about things."

Natalie slung her backpack around her shoulders. "I don't want to right now."

Derek sighed, a little frustrated. He wondered what Addison would do, what she would say, to draw their daughter out of her closed-in, emotionless state.

"Okay, well… Maybe we should just be together today then." Derek suggested, wondering if it would be more for his sake or for his daughter's.

"Yeah, but you're going to go to the hospital, and I…" Natalie trailed off and frowned. "It scares me to see mommy that way. It's better if I go to school and have something to do."

Derek nodded understandingly. Natalie must have been like him in that way – avoiding problems and busying herself with work. He knew it wasn't the healthiest thing to encourage, but he also knew that Natalie needed normalcy in her life, and that Addison probably wouldn't want her young daughter to see her in such a state anyway.

"Okay. Well, I'll talk to the administration and give them my cell phone number, and if you need anything or want to leave, you can just…"

"Sure." Natalie cut him off, and he knew then that his cell phone would never ring.

Having never sent a child to school before, Derek wasn't sure what to do. He looked Natalie up and down. Her clothes appeared to be clean. The green shirt she was wearing didn't go particularly well with her orange skirt and white stockings, but fashion wasn't high on his priority list. Her hair, a bit oily from skipping a bath the night before, was pulled into a lumpy ponytail on top of her head, no doubt the result of her struggle to try to work with one good hand while the other was encased in plaster.

"Maybe we should re-do your hair." Derek suggested.

Natalie sighed, touching the mass of hair on her head. "I tried really hard, but I didn't do so well."

She picked her brush up off of her nightstand and handed it to her father. Derek, practiced from his sisters, gently ran the hot pink brush through Natalie's copper tendrils. He worked carefully from the bottom, a couple of inches of length at a time, to avoid creating snarls and tangles. It reminded him of how he'd always run his fingers through her mother's identical locks. Using both hands, he gathered her hair at the center of the back of her head and looped her yellow scrunchie around it.

Natalie ran over to the mirror to check out her hairdo and smiled a little, clearly impressed with her father's skills. "Thank you. Now, can we go?"

* * *

Archer awoke the next morning to find that he had fallen asleep in the visitor chair in Addison's hospital room with his medical journal still open on his lap. He rubbed his fingers over his dry, bloodshot eyes, feeling the pain from sleeping in his contacts. His Ivy League-trained eyes looked over Addison's monitors, finding no change in her condition.

There was the clearing of a throat, and Archer jumped a little, startled, once he realized he and Addison were not alone, and that her resident was standing in the doorway.

"Why don't you go down to the cafeteria and get some breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry." Archer said around a yawn as he leaned back in his chair.

"You're obviously tired." Anila said pointedly. "So, a cup of coffee, maybe?"

"Maybe…" Archer sighed, reaching out to toy with a piece of Addison's hair. "I just, don't want to leave her, you know? I'm her big brother, and I should have been there."

"There's nothing you could have done." Anila reminded him gently. "She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"It's my job to protect her."

"_Archie!" _

_Archer heard Addison's cry from another part of their parents' vineyard. He looked up from the soccer ball he had been kicking around and ran toward where the voice was coming from. A mangled bike with only one tire lay on the ground, and his younger sister was in a heap, crying. Scrapes covered her face and she was clutching her ankle. _

"_How on earth did your bike lose a tire?!" Archer exclaimed, kneeling beside his sister._

"_I don't know!" Addison whimpered. _

"_Jesus, Addie." Archer lightly touched the scrapes on her face, making her wince. "Are you okay?"_

"_No!" Addison wiped tears from her face. "I flipped over my handlebars, and I am a mess, and my foot hurts so much!"_

"_Can you walk?"_

_Using Archer's shoulder for support, Addison attempted to stand, but yelped when she put weight on her ankle and crashed back to the ground._

"_No! It hurts too much!" Addison sobbed. "What are we going to do?"_

"_It's going to be okay." Archer thought for a moment. "Here, I'll carry you. Climb on my back."_

"_A half a mile?!"_

"_Yeah, I can do it! C'mon."_

_Carefully, Addison crawled onto Archer's back and looped her arms around his neck. He stood up slowly, shifting her around on his back so her weight was balanced._

"_You're sure you can do this?" Addison was uncertain._

"_You don't trust your big brother?"_

"_I do, but…"_

"_I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Addie. I promise I will always take care of you."_

Archer looked down at Addison uncertainly. He _did _need coffee, but he'd also made a promise.

"I'll stay here with Addison." Anila offered. "You can give me your cell number, and I'll call you if anything changes."

"Oh all right, fine. You know, if you wanted my phone number, all you had to do was ask." Archer smirked, instantly back in cad mode – his greatest defense mechanism.

Rolling her dark eyes skyward, Anila jotted down the digits that Archer recited to her as he stood up to stretch, wincing a little as he worked out a knot in his neck.

"I'll be back in a few."

When Archer walked out of Addison's room, he nearly collided with her ex-husband. "Oh, hey, Derek."

"How is she?" Derek asked anxiously.

Archer raked a hand through his hair. "About the same. Are you ready to look at her chart?"

"Yeah…" Derek sighed and nodded. "I think I am, yes."

The two men walked over to the nurse's station, where Archer obtained the chart from the blond charge nurse after flashing his infamous, perfectly white grin. He slid the chart over to Derek, and looked around, finally noticing his niece's absence.

"Where's Natalie?"

Derek flipped the chart open. "She's at school."

"Seriously?"

"I tried everything to get her to stay home, but she wouldn't have it. She is in denial, and she wants to be distracted."

But Archer barely heard Derek's muttering, instead distracted by the sharp _clickety-clack_ of high heels on the hospital's stark white linoleum floors. It was a sound that he knew all too well, and one that he never looked forward to hearing.

"Oh my God." Archer groaned, actually going so far as to hit his head once on the counter. "What is _she_ doing here? Shouldn't we have had some sort of warning like, I don't know, a statue crying blood?"

"What are you…" Derek turned slowly and mumbled. "Oh Lord."

Derek hadn't seen Addison's mother in at least 10 years. When they were married, Addison had usually tried to avoid spending holidays with her, insisting on visiting his family, going to their place in the Hamptons, jetting off to exotic locations… Anything she could to stay away from her mother. He hadn't discussed it with her, but he figured the only reason she spoke to her mother at all was out of duty to Natalie knowing her grandmother.

"Bizzy, what the hell are you doing here?" Archer crossed his arms, not mincing any words with his mother. "How did you even know Addison was in the hospital?"

"My granddaughter called me. At least _someone_ thought it was appropriate to let me know that my _only daughter_ is in the ICU, on life support, with a brain injury, in a coma!" Bizzy tossed her blond bob and glared at her son and former son-in-law. "A mother has a right to know!"

"There is a _reason _that I didn't tell you. I knew you'd find a way to make this all about you. You've been here for what…" Archer paused dramatically to look at his Rolex, "Two minutes? And you've already made it all about you? Must be a new record!"

"Nice to see you too, Archie."

"Did you tell Father, too?" Archer asked. "Do we have a whole parade of dysfunction to look forward to?"

"No. He's in Europe. With his _new_ wife, if you can even call her that." Bizzy sniffed. "His intern, can you believe it?"

Bizzy's icy blue eyes flicked over to Derek, and she smirked. "Well, maybe _you _can."

Derek opened his mouth to speak, but felt Archer's hand on his shoulder. He decided to let son fight mother; Archer was definitely a professional at handling Bizzy, if anyone was.

"You're up to something, Bizzy." Archer said, fixing his eyes on her matching ones. "Out with it."

"I'm here for Natalie." Bizzy said

"Excuse me?" Derek asked.

"She needs a mother to take care of her while Addie is…" Bizzy paused. "You know very well that she might never wake up, and even if she does, she could have permanent issues."

Derek felt pained at the thought of the very real possibilities that Bizzy tossed around so cavalierly. What if she never woke up? What would he do with Natalie? Could he even raise her on his own, really only barely knowing her? He suddenly felt light-headed and gripped the counter tightly, trying to steady his trembling body. In his foggy state, he barely heard his former mother-in-law's next words.

"So, I'm going to take her back to Connecticut with me." Bizzy said haughtily, her eyes trained on her son, daring him to disagree with her.

"Over my dead body." Archer growled.


	19. Chapter 19

_Heyyy, everyone, how is it going? Remember me? Anyone still reading this? I changed my pen name and decided to get back into writing. :) Yay! _

_So, when reading this, remember that I started this story before Bizzy was shown on the show. My Bizzy is a truly awful woman, and I will unfold the reasons why as the story progresses. Enjoy!_

_

* * *

_

"Oh, I wouldn't say that if I were you…" Bizzy smirked. "Not when you know it can be arranged."

"Threatening a mob hit on your son?" Archer laughed bitterly. "Low, even for you, Biz."

"Maybe you'd rather speak to my attorney."

"Gladly." A smug grin spread across Archer's face. "You see, I have Addison's power of attorney. Signed, witnessed, notarized. Air tight. It states that if anything leaves her incapacitated, I am responsible for Natalie's well-being and decisions about her. I'm calling the shots here. It is my decision that she is going to be cared for by her father… And me, when he needs help."

"He's been her father for a matter of weeks!" Bizzy sputtered. "He doesn't know anything about raising a daughter!"

"And you do?" Derek shot back, clenching his fists in anger. "Why do you think Addison can't stand you? Why do you think that…"

"I appreciate the input, but I work alone, Shepherd." Archer cut him off. "Why don't you go visit Addie? Bizzy and I will continue this in Addison's office, where we won't be heard by all of her co-workers."

Derek nodded, heading toward the door of Addison's room, while Archer stormed down the hall with Bizzy hot on his heels, still bickering with her.

When Derek opened the door, he sighed. Nothing had changed. As a doctor, he knew that nothing would have, but there was the small part of him that prayed he'd walk in to find Addison with her beautiful blue eyes open, smiling, ready to talk to him.

Anila looked up some scribbling she was doing by Addison's bedside, and quickly stood. "Oh, hey."

"How is she?" Derek asked needlessly.

"About the same." Anila said with a frown, tucking her pen into her lab coat.

"I figured." Derek sighed.

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but…" Anila approached Derek, holding out the piece of paper she'd been writing on. "I wanted to help, and there's not much I can do for Dr. Montgomery, but I thought this might help with Natalie."

Derek looked at the paper, which was filled with Natalie's schedule, including when school started and ended for her, her dinnertime, and her bedtime. There was a list of foods she did and didn't like, the names and dosages her asthma medications, names of her friends, and a wealth of other information about his daughter.

"Wow, Anila, this is… Thank you."

"I hope you're not mad, but…"

"No!" Derek said quickly. "There are still a lot of things I don't know about Natalie, and this will definitely help make things easier… Thank you. How do you know all of this?"

"Natalie is all Dr. Montgomery talks about besides surgery." Anila smiled weakly.

Derek folded the paper with a nod and stuck it in his pocket. "Thank you."

"If you need anything, let me know." Anila said, slipping out of the room.

* * *

"I would say you're the worst mother in the world, but I guess that wouldn't be true." Archer slammed the door to Addison's office. "But only because some fish eat their young."

"I may not have been the best mother in the world—"

"Understatement of the century."

"…But I am a good grandmother to Natalie. And I want to take care of her."

"You cannot try to fix everything that you fucked up with me and Addison by taking Natalie!"

"Why do you hate me so much, Archer?" Bizzy demanded. "Was I really so horrible?"

Archer laughed bitterly. "You were just too drunk to remember."

Bizzy faltered, having no response for that.

"_You lying little bitch. Tell me where your father is. He's fucking that whore of a secretary of his, isn't he?"Bizzy slurred._

"_Bizzy, I swear I don't…"_

_Archer rushed into the den of the Montgomery Estate to find his 13-year old sister and his mother arguing. Bizzy wobbled on her high heels, a glass of whiskey in her hand._

"_Bizzy!" Archer exclaimed, rushing over to them. "What are you doing?"_

"_Your sister is lying to me!" Bizzy gestured wildly, sloshing whiskey onto the Oriental rug. _

"_Bizzy, you need to calm down. Addie is not lying to you."_

"_Bullshit! You little bitch… Always taking up for him. I am your mother, damn it!"Bizzy screamed, hurling the glass at her daughter._

_Addison ducked quickly and threw up her hands instinctively to block her face, but it didn't matter. Archer jumped in front of her, taking the hit as the glass made contact with his browbone. Addison shrieked as her older brother crashed to the floor, clutching his head. The glass smashed beside him on the floor. She immediately knelt beside him, trying to inspect his head. When she looked up, Bizzy was gone._

"_Archer! Why did you do that?"_

_Archer groaned as Addison helped him sit up. "To protect you. Am I bleeding?" _

"_No, but you're going to have a nasty bruise there." Addison touched the spot gingerly as Archer grimaced. "Sorry."_

_Their maid, Rosalynn, who had witnessed the whole thing wordlessly entered the room, handed Addison an ice pack, and slipped out quietly._

"_You have to stop doing this." Addison sighed, pressing the ice against his head._

"_I'm never going to let her hurt you as long as I'm around."_

Bizzy looked at her son pleadingly. "I've changed, Archer, I really have…"

Archer rolled his eyes. "Whatever. If you would like to help us with Natalie, you may do so under the supervision of me or Derek."

"I have rights too, you know." Bizzy huffed as she headed for the door. "Expect a call from my attorney."

"I'll look forward to it." Archer said, scowling at her back as she left.

He knew he had to stay one step ahead of Bizzy. As soon as she she left, he quickly picked up Addison's desk phone to instruct Natalie's school to release her to him or Derek only.

* * *

Derek was left alone again with his ex-wife. For the first time since the accident, he really looked at her face, and he grimaced. It was a good thing he had called Mark, because she would certainly need some reconstruction when she was stable enough. He brushed her bandaged, broken cheek lightly with the backs of his fingers.

"Oh baby…" Derek sighed, taking the seat next to her and gripping her hand between both of his. "You have to wake up. Bizzy's at it again… She thinks she's going to take Natalie."

Derek lifted Addison's IV-covered hand to his mouth and laid a gentle kiss on it. "Don't worry, though. Archer and I will never let that happen. We've beaten your mother before. Remember our wedding?"

_Derek walked into his and Addison's shared apartment one afternoon to find his fiancée sobbing uncontrollably on the couch. He quickly dropped his backpack full of medical books and rushed over to the couch. "Addie! Are you okay?" _

_He pulled her into a hug, and she buried her face into his chest. He waited until her sobs died down before prompting her again. "What is it? _

"_I wanted to carry a few stems of stargazer lilies, and she has me carrying four dozen crimson roses that I will be lucky to be able to even lift!" Addison dabbed at her eyes with the balled up tissue in her hand. "I wanted a lightweight flowing, chiffon gown, and she has me dressing like a cream puff in a dress that has 200 pounds of beading and had to be flown in from Italy!"_

"_Honey…"_

"_Why can't it just ever be about me? Even my wedding day is about her!"_

"_Have you talked to her?" Derek asked patiently, rubbing Addison's back soothingly._

_Addison stared at him through red eyes. "Have you __met__ her? Do you really think talking is a possibility?"_

"_Well… True." Derek conceded. He thought for a moment, and then suddenly had an idea. "Tell me what else you wanted for our wedding."_

"_Well…" Addison sniffled, thinking. "I didn't want to have 600 people there. I wanted to get married on the beach in Montauk, barefoot. I wanted my hair down. I wanted you to be able to be barefoot too, and wear shorts and a nice shirt, not a tuxedo with tails." _

_Derek grabbed her hand. "Then let's do it."_

"_But we've been over this. We can't." Addison threw up her hands, frustrated that Derek didn't get it."._

"_Sure we can. I'll buy you the dress you wanted. We'll get the license. I'll call my old pastor from when I was growing up and his wife, to witness. I'll have them meet us, and we'll get married on the beach like you want."_

"_But what about…"_

"_Your mother can still have her social event of the year, and we can have the wedding of our dreams before it. No one has to know that we're already married."_

_Addison's eyes widened, and she finally broke into a smile. "You know what? That's just crazy enough to work."_

_Derek did as he promised, and planned their "real" wedding in a week, unlike the one her mother was planning that was taking over a year._

_When their day arrived a few weeks later, Derek stood smiling with his feet being splashed by the waves. It was a bit chilly for the time of year, but Derek didn't mind, especially when she saw Addison beaming as she left footprints in the sand and walked down the "aisle."_

_A simple spaghetti-strapped white gown with simple beading at the bodice flowed around her. The gentle breeze by the ocean tousled her loose, wavy strands. Her feet were bare and natural, except for the hot pink polish that tipped her toes, and the gold and diamond toe ring on the second toe of her left foot. Very little makeup was on her face – just a touch of light eye shadow, some shimmery lipgloss, and a blush that Derek was sure was from being a blushing bride and not some makeup compact. She clutched a few lilies, just as she had wanted. She joined her fiancé at the water's edge, not caring that the hem of her gown was getting wet._

"_Was it everything you hoped for?" Derek asked, after they sealed their union with a kiss._

"_It was perfect." Addison said, tearing up a little. "I couldn't ask for a more wonderful man to share my life with."_

_On their "polite society official" wedding day two months later, Derek watched as his wife walked down the aisle on her father's arm, wrapped in a huge puff of champagne satin and dazzling beads. Her hair was piled up onto her head in a fountain of scarlet curls. She was gorgeous, as always, but looked more the part of a heavily made-up porcelain doll than a happy bride. He relished in the fact that he alone was able to see her the way she had wanted to look on their wedding day. When they were pronounced man and wife, again, they shared a secret smile. They never told another soul about their clandestine wedding._

_

* * *

_

Reviews are love, and give me the inspiration to keep writing for you and carry this through to the end. :)


	20. Chapter 20

_Yay, I'm glad people are still reading this. :) I proofread this chapter, but I wrote and put it together in chunks, so I hope it worked out okay. Enjoy! Reviews are the love that makes me write faster. ;)_

* * *

That afternoon at lunchtime, Archer and Derek quietly "ate" together, picking absently around their hospital cafeteria salads. Archer had his MacBook open on the table, eagerly waiting for Anila to arrive with the images of Addison's latest brain scans.

"How did Natalie do this morning?" Archer asked.

"She basically acted like nothing had happened.

Archer smiled slightly. "That's the Montgomery in her, for sure."

"There she is." Derek announced, pointing at Addison's resident as she rushed over to their table.

Archer practically snatched the flash drive Anila was holding from her hand, and she settled down next to him with an exhausted yawn. While Archer loaded the flash drive, Derek took in Anila's appearance. She looked as wrecked as he and his ex-brother-in-law did, and Derek realized she probably hadn't slept since the accident. Her eyes were red and looked vacant, lost, like a shelter pup. A protégé without a mentor.

"Have you slept?" He finally asked.

Anila shook her head. "I've been rounding on Dr. Montgomery's patients… Did a couple of minor procedures… Spent the downtime at her bedside."

"Shouldn't you go home and get some rest?" Derek asked her gently.

"Dr. Montgomery is more than a teacher to me… She's… She's like an older sister. My parents moved back to India after I went to college, and my brother is in Colorado."

"Right."

"I know it's not the same as it is for you two." Anila quickly added. "But…"

Archer laid his hand gently over hers. "You don't have to explain. We know what you mean. All doctors have their hospital families."

"Scans are loaded up." Anila said suddenly, pointing at Archer's computer. Neurology was far from her specialty, but she knew that the scans were far from what any of them had hoped for.

Derek groaned. "We couldn't have gotten lucky, could we?"

"It appears not." Archer sighed, placing his head in his hands.

Anila was wide-eyed. "The swelling is horrible."

"She needs to have the blood drained off of her brain, the blood vessels repaired… Probably some portions of the brain removed, too. What worries me is the location." Derek said, sliding his fingers around the laptop screen. "Hit too far that way, she may not be able to talk. Hit the wrong way here, she's paralyzed. Hit the wrong way here and…"

"She dies." Archer finished quietly.

"Yeah…"

"Okay. Well, lucky for us… We have the best neurosurgeon in the country at our little lunch table here." Archer said, looking pointedly at Derek.

"Wait, me?"

"Yes, you. Who the hell else would I be talking about?"

"No… No. I can't do it. I'm sorry, but no."

"This is my sister, Derek, and the woman you claim to love." Archer's tone grew angry. "The mother of your child. How can you just refuse like that, without even thinking about it?"

"Because I can't operate."

Archer decided to try another approach with Derek and softened his tone a bit. "Look, Derek, I know that..."

"No, Archer, you don't." Derek cut him off, pounding his fist on the table much to Archer and Anila's surprise. "I can't operate. I physically cannot operate. Not on Addison. Not on anybody. Ever. Again."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm going fucking blind, okay? I have glaucoma. She'd be better off with a first-year medical student, the way my vision is."

Archer's eyes widened, and he was quiet for a few moments. "Jesus... I'm sorry, Shep."

"Me too." Anila agreed, lightly touching Derek's arm.

"Yeah, yeah, I've gotten used to the idea. This isn't about me. We need someone else."

"Then we'll have to get the best in the world." He looked expectantly at Derek. "And that is?"

Derek didn't hestitate. "Dr. Kevin Pearson."

"Oh wait!" Anila snapped her fingers in recognition. "That's the guy in Australia, right? I've read his research on brain conditions in growing fetuses."

Derek was doubtful. "But do you really think that we'll be able to get him to fly across the world to operate on someone he doesn't know, on a case that's not completely bizarre and unheard of to get his attention?"

"If there's one thing I've learned from having Bizzy as a mother and being born a Montgomery, it's that you can have and do pretty much anything that you want, as long as you have enough money." Archer said, jotting down notes to himself from the web browser on his iPhone. "I have 25 million reasons at JP Morgan Chase why he should come down, and I don't care if it takes all of it."

"What about time?" Derek rubbed his face. "It'll take him a day just to fly to New York. Maybe we should look for someone else, someone closer."

Archer glared at him. "I don't think you understand. My baby sister gets the best. I'm her medical proxy now. She's not getting just any jock surgeon with a scalpel. She gets Dr. Pearson."

Derek took a deep breath, trying to keep cool. "Time is not on our side here, Archer."

"Then I better call him now." Archer jumped up, left his tray, and jogged out of the cafeteria, phone in hand.

Derek watched him go with a sigh. Like Archer, he wanted Addison to have the best, but he worried that by trying to go overboard to find perfection for her, that Archer was losing time and killing her.

* * *

He needed time alone, to think and to process everything. He abandoned his lunch and hurried back to Addison's empty office. With the door safely closed behind him, he broke down.

"Goddamnit, why!" He slid down the door with his back to it, his whole body shaking.

His anger tumbled out toward God. "I've spent almost half of my life saving other people's wives! I've saved thousands of other people, and you rob me of the ability to save the person who has meant the most to me?"

He couldn't save her. It killed him that he couldn't save her. How many wives had he operated on in his career? How many mothers? How many sisters? Hundreds, maybe even thousands, but he was completely helpless to save the most important person in his life?

"Is this what she gets, what I get, because of our divorce? Is that what this is about? Are you trying to teach me some sort of lesson for not spending enough time on my marriage, for giving up on it? Well, lesson fucking learned, God. I get it. Okay? Can you stop fucking around with my life now? We have a daughter. You can't do this to her!"

Derek hugged his knees to his chest and sobbed into them. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry… Just please don't take her away from me."

* * *

After his breakdown, Derek fell asleep on the floor of Addison's office for about an hour. He awoke with an ache in his neck and his back, but was surprised how much better he felt after his emotional release and a little rest.

He immediately went to Addison's room and found that she already had a visitor, one that he recognized, but had not seen in many years.

"Dr. Case?" Derek tried to keep the shock out of his voice upon seeing the aged man at his ex-wife's bedside.

The older doctor smiled faintly when he saw his former student standing before him. He stood and crossed the room, giving Derek a warm handshake as a greeting. "Dr. Shepherd."

He had been one of their professors in medical school. Their favorite, in fact. Even so, Derek was surprised, to say the least, that he had maintained any sort of contact with Addison over the years. "It's... I'm surprised to see you. I'm glad to see you, but it's been..."

"About 20 years."

"Yes, about that." Derek nodded. "I didn't realize you and Addison had kept in touch for so long."

Dr. Case cleared his throat. "Well, it wasn't exactly like that... I'm still teaching, but I'm on the board here at the hospital."

The slight flush rising in the other man's cheeks told Derek that Addison and Dr. Case's relationship had not been purely of a professional nature. Derek wanted to know more.

"So, you became friends that way?" Derek probed.

"We..." Dr. Case raked his hand through his salt and pepper hair nervously. "Yes. And more than that."

Derek's heart stopped for a moment. Addison wasn't the type to go for her professors! Derek had to remind himself that was silly; the man hadn't been her professor in more than two decades.

"Really."

"Yes, we were... Well, we were in a relationship on and off last year." Dr. Case sighed. "It's a little awkward to be relaying this to her ex-husband, I must say."

"No doubt." Derek said bluntly. "So it just didn't work out?

"No, but we are still good friends. She's a beautiful person, a wonderful mother, a hell of a doctor... When I heard the news, I had to come and see how she was doing." Dr. Case gathered his coat and briefcase. "Not as well as I'd hoped, I'm afraid."

Derek shook his head silently, gazing over at Addison's seemingly-lifeless form.

"I hear that she needs brain surgery. Are you going to..?"

"No." Derek said quickly. "I, uh… We are going to get someone else."

Dr. Case nodded. "I think that's wise. It's unfair to expect anyone to operate on someone they love."

"Yeah."

"And I know you will be there for her every step of her recovery, and you have to remember that all of that is more significant than a few hours spent in the operating room, Derek."

As Dr. Case headed to the door, he suddenly turned and looked Derek straight in the eyes. "It will never work out between Addie and anyone but you, you know."

"Huh?" Derek turned around to face him, slightly startled.

"Her heart has always, and will always, belong to you." Dr. Case smiled sadly. "I learned that the hard way. You're a lucky man to have her and such a beautiful daughter."

"I... I know."

"When she pulls out of this, and I know she will, because she is Addison Montgomery... Will you do just one thing for me?"

Derek nodded a little, still dumbfounded by the entire exchange. "Okay?"

"Never let her go again." Dr. Case said, though it was more like an order. With a final slight nod to Derek, he left.

Derek looked back at Addison, closing his eyes as tears filled them.

"I won't, baby." Derek whispered. "Never again."

* * *

That evening, Natalie twirled her spaghetti noodles around her plate, creating art instead of really eating dinner. She took bites occasionally.

"Is it okay?" Derek asked, concerned about his daughter not eating.

"Yeah, it's just..." Natalie sighed and put her fork down. "It's not like Mommy's."

"I'm sorry. What's different about it?"

"Mommy's doesn't come from a jar." Natalie explained.

"Oh." Derek sighed. "I'm sorry about that. Well, what would you like to eat?"

Natalie's face brightened. "Ice cream! And cookies!"

As a doctor, he knew that a meal of Neapolitan ice cream and chocolate chip cookies wasn't the most suitable meal for his daughter. Still, he served it to her because he also knew that it would not kill her, and he desperately needed her to eat something, anything.

Natalie methodically swirled her spoon through the ice cream, mixing all of the colors together into a brownish soup before beginning to eat it. "I have a secret, but I don't know if I should tell you."

"I'm your dad, Natalie. You can always tell me anything. Remember when you were in the hospital with your asthma attack, and we talked about no more secrets?"

"Uh huh." Natalie's head bobbed up and down.

"Well, that goes for you too, honey."

Natalie took in a very deep breath, her small shoulders going up to her ears. "You know when we got in the accident? We were going back to the airport."

Derek's brow furrowed. "Wait, _back_ to the airport? Why, did you forget something?"

"Uh huh." Natalie nodded and looked up at him. "You."


	21. Chapter 21

_It's been over a year since I updated this, and I probably don't have enough hours in the day to be writing this… But the plot bunnies are back so here we go again! Go refresh your memories on what the heck was going on here, haha. _

"Dr. Pearson will be here in 20 hours." Archer announced to Anila, flopping down on the couch in Addison's office.

"Well, that's wonderful news." Anila said, looking up from the charts she had stacked up on Addison's desk. "What'd you have to do to get him here?"

Archer shrugged a little. "Let's just say my bank account is going to be a little less pretty, but it's all worth it. Are you _still_ working on Addison's patients?"

"I am…" Anila rubbed her tired eyes.

"Do you not have a life?"

Anila's eyes narrowed. "Thanks a lot."

"Well seriously… You've been up for two days straight now working on all of her paperwork."

"I want to make sure that her patients are taken care of."

"You need a break. Come get dinner with me."

"Like… Together?" Anila raised her eyebrows.

Archer smirked. "That's generally what 'get dinner with me' means. I mean, I guess we could sit at different tables if you wanted, but…"

"No!" Anila said quickly, a little too quickly she realized when Archer's grin grew wider.

She knew that Archer was a flirt and a cad. She'd heard all of the stories from Addison about his parade of trysts. But she spent so much time in the hospital that she never had time for men or for dating. She'd noticed Archer flirting with her, and she had to admit to herself that it felt good. Seeing how he was responding to Addie's situation and to Natalie only made him more attractive.

"Shall we then?"

Anila looked down at her wrinkled scrubs. "But uh… Can I change first?"

"I'll give you twenty minutes." Archer replied with a wink.

"You forgot me?" Derek finally asked Natalie after being speechless for a few moments.

"Yeah…" Natalie paused to eat a bite of her mostly melted ice cream. "We were going to try to buy tickets to Seattle or to anywhere so we could get to you... Just like in the movies!"

"I shouldn't have gone. I should have stayed…" Derek lowered his face into his hands. "This is all my fault."

Natalie cocked her head to the side. "Daddy, it's not your fault. You didn't hit us."

"But if I hadn't gone to the airport…"

Derek's racing thoughts were interrupted by a rap at the door. Natalie looked at him in confusion, and he knew they were both thinking the same thing. _Who could be here at this hour?_ Derek walked toward Addison's front door with Natalie hot on his heels. He opened the door and felt surprise, then immediate relief after seeing who was on the other side.

Mark. Callie. Richard. Adele.

"Oh my God! She looks just like her mama!" Callie squealed, the first to speak. Before Natalie could respond, Callie had her wrapped in a huge embrace, her face crushed into Callie's chest.

"We have reservations at the Plaza." Richard explained, placing a hand on Derek's shoulder. "But we had to come here and see how you all were doing first… How are you doing?"

"We are…" Derek didn't really know how to answer the question. "We are okay. I didn't expect all of you to come. This is a wonderful surprise."

"Oh, honey…" Adele pulled Derek into a hug. "We just want to help out and see you all through this.

Finally released from Natalie fluffed her hair a bit, primping. "Mark, I'm glad to see you are back!"

"Me too, kiddo."

"Who is everyone else?" Natalie asked.

"Well, Natalie… These are your grandparents, Richard and Adele." Derek laughed, gesturing to the couple.

"Umm…" Natalie beckoned Derek to come closer, and then whispered not-so-quietly into his ear. "But… They're black! And… I'm not black. How can they be my grandparents if I'm not black?"

Richard chuckled, overhearing Natalie. "Well, we're not _really_ your grandparents, Natalie, but…"

"We love your parents just like they were our own." Adele finished.

"Oh! Well, it is nice to meet you!"

"And I'm Callie; I was very good friends with your mom when she lived in Seattle." Callie explained. She left out the part about being Mark's fiancée; she'd already been warned about Natalie's crush on him, and didn't want to hurt the little girl's feelings in any way.

Natalie stuck her left hand out to her three new friends. "I'm Natalie Faith Montgomery."

Derek laughed a little, remembering when she had introduced herself to him the same way. It seemed like so long ago that everyone was healthy and safe.

But with his support system there, it finally seemed like things might be okay.

Dinner had turned into drinks. Drinks had turned into dancing. The Anila that Archer was twirling around on the dance floor at a hotspot nightclub looked hardly like the Anila from the hospital. In the "twenty minutes" that Archer had given her, she had cleaned up nicely, letting her hair hang down in loose waves over her shoulders and wearing a short hot pink halter dress that went beautifully with her dark complexion. Addison had bought it out for Anila for her birthday and told her to keep it at the hospital because "you never know when you may need to look fabulous." It cost more than most of Anila's entire wardrobe, and she'd never really thought she'd need it… Until that night.

The music slowed and a breathless Archer drew Anila close to him. Her cheeks flushed a bit, but she enjoyed the feeling. She had never been very outgoing around men, and she hadn't done much dating. Most of her time and energy went into her job.

"So it turns out that you are pretty fun." Archer remarked.

Anila frowned up at him. "You thought I'd be a bore?"

"I wasn't sure. You seem to work too much. But maybe you just haven't had anyone to show you a good time."

"Maybe…" It was true, she had to admit it.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Archer murmured into her ear.

"It's just your beer goggles."

"No…" Archer tilted her chin up with one finger. "It's not."

He bent his head down and kissed her lips softly, pressing his hand into the small of her back to pull her nearer to him. She kissed him back until she was breathless, right there on the dance floor, until she finally, reluctantly, had to break away.

"We should get some sleep, you know… Would you like to join me?" Anila couldn't believe she'd said it once the words were out of her mouth. It must have been the "liquid courage" that her college roommates had always spoken of, brought on by the vodka and tonics she'd been drinking all night.

"As in… Sleep with you?"

"Well, you could sleep on the couch, but that wouldn't be as fun…" Anila trailed off.

Archer quickly yanked out his wallet and pulled off a few twenties to settle their tab. "Count me in."

_Can I just say what a bummer it is to write when half of the ship you are writing about is in a coma? :P_


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